9 week old baby - sleep advice please

[atiredmomma]

my baby doesn’t settle very well in his next to me crib and I’m wondering how to improve this
so I take him up to bed at 9pm (although he is already asleep downstairs with me earlier) he sleeps well in his next to me until around 1am and then after this feed it’s almost impossible to settle him back in his crib
I change him, feed him, burp him, rock him to sleep in my arms and then as soon as I put him in the crib he wriggles and waves his arms and legs around. I do place my hand on him when I put him down and sush him for a couple of minutes but soon as I take my hand away he’s wriggling around and waking himself up.
if I leave him to try self settle he eventually wakes up fully and cries and when I lay in bed next to him and try to soothe him he still wakes up
Then I pick him up and he falls asleep on me, put him down and he wakes up, and this just repeats for hours

DH wfh some days so takes him 6-8am so I can get a couple more hours
but DH works away 2 nights a week so it is so hard when I’m on my own
both my parents have passed away and his live 3 hours away so I do feel totally alone

I am a first time mum so I feel like I have no idea what I’m doing so any advice please, how to get him to settle back to sleep?

Sometimes it's the temperature change of going from warm mum cuddles to a cold crib, I found mine settled better if they were in one of those baby sleeping bags and I'd keep a Muslim cloth on my chest to warm it then put that down under their heads in the crib so it didn't jolt them going from warm to cold. My sons also had reflux so when going from sleeping on my chest to flat on their back, they'd get trapped wind and squirm until they woke and started crying. Back then, sleeping them on their front stopped this but I don't think that's recommended now due to SIDS

@OnlyYellowRoses
thank you, he does sleep in a baby sleep bag , I will try the muslin cloth idea

It’s maybe worth trying a swaddle bag to stop him waking himself up from flinging his arms about.

White Noise was a lifesavers for us (typically found it out on our last child) babies often sleep better in the day due to movement and noise( its not silent in the womb,) he may hear your heartbeat when he is in your arms then silence when he's put down, you can buy white noise devices but we just put the radio on an untuned station..

Might be worth a try, good luck and just remind yourself it's not forever,

Maybe reflux? My son was like this. Is he swaddled? My other son flapped about and woke himself up and I swaddled him and it solved the problem. Sending hugs as I know it’s tough. Xx

This is very normal, a baby would much rather be close to you than away from you.
It's hard, especially in the early days. I ended up Co-sleeping because it was the only way I got any sleep.
Both of mine were/are Velcro babies. DD started using her next to me more from around 6 months but still ended up with me a lot, DS would never sleep in another bed.

Would you consider co-sleeping once baby has had their first wake?
Other option is to persevere and they "should" get used to it. You could try holding them for a bit longer after you've rocked him back to sleep until he's in a bit of a deeper sleep.

Also, babies find it very hard to self settle so please don't put pressure on yourself to try that one. Dependence breeds independence.

Have a look at some of these on Instagram as they will be invaluable for you for normal baby sleep:
Little nest sleep
Second star to the right
Fox and the moon infant sleep
Lyndsey Hookway
Resting in motherhood
Hey sleepy baby

Our midwife with first daughter (who also runs private antenatal class company) suggested the same and that the temperature difference may be an issue. So during last feed we popped a hot water bottle in the crib and it really helped (obviously not scalding but just enough so a bit toasty).
silent reflux meant it never worked with our second but she did sleep through once had the space of a cot (we moved her at 10wks as she kept banging her arms and waking herself up)

I found having a nest in the next to me for the first couple of months really helped as ds still felt like he was being held and wasn’t laying down in a large empty space.

At 9 weeks I wouldn't start swaddling if it's not something you already do as by 12-15weeks baby could be rolling over both mine did by then and you need to stop swaddling by this time so introducing it now will just mean having to phase it out in a few weeks, second the white noise though Ewan the dream sheep is a lifesaver in my house or just play white noise on YouTube or the likes, hopefully baby will improve soon for you but you're doing great and just remember it's not forever

Please don't do this with the Muslin cloth. It's not recommend to put anything else in the cot with the baby other than a blanket (or sleeping bag) of course, and certainly nothing near their head/face.

My second would never settle in the early days in the next to me as it was so much more open than the moses basket he slept in the day and he clearly liked to feel more confined/secure. We used to place the moses basket inside the next to me at night where he settled better until he was a bit bigger when he transitioned into the next to me fine. Might be worth trying if your LO does sleep in moses basket.

Check out NHS and the lullaby trust for safe sleeping x

At 9 weeks babies have no sense of night and day. Honestly the fact they sleep until 1am in the crib is incredible to me!

Are you breastfeeding? I did shifts with my husband with my first baby, I did during the week when he worked and he did the night feeds with bottles of expressed milk at the weekend. The other option is sleeping in the day for now. Or with my second I decided just to cosleep as my daughter didn't go in the next to me for more than 10 minutes. I learned to feed side lying and I now don't even get up.

Also want to say a few of these suggestions are actually quite dangerous for a baby - please check out the lullaby trust for up to date safe sleep guidelines and not Mumsnet!

www.lullabytrust.org.uk

For example, these should be illegal - they give so much confusion for parents who don't realise they can't be used for sleep and so many babies have died unnecessarily due to dangerous products like these.

Please dont take any of the advice about putting anything else in the crib. Not the nest or muslin. Its dangerous. Its normal
for a 9 week old baby not to sleep
through the night. 9-1 is actually really good. Ans please dont leave him to self settle as he is far too young . I know its so exhausting for the first few months. Ive had 5 children. Your husband needs to do some of night care. Even though he works . Its not right for one parent to be sleep deprived. I will say it does get better . You are doing ok, there is nothing wrong with holding you baby all day if they need it. Babies that young need constant attention . So keep going how you are, if you can nap while the bab is sleeping in the day time that will help

I would ask your health visitor. They will give you the best advice about safe sleep.

I spent so much time trying to ‘solve’ this kind of “problem” with my first. It’s actually just completely normal and you’re getting quite a good stretch. I started bed sharing at this point as was exhausted and found it helped loads as the baby just wants to be close to you to feel safe. I get that that isn’t for everyone though.

check out Kathryn Stagg on instagram- she’s lots of breastfeeding advice but also normal sleep patterns. Lyndsey hookaway too

As some other posters have said- it would actually be much safer to cosleep (following safe sleep guidelines- see Lullaby Trust) than try and add things like nests, swaddles, muslins etc all in an attempt to make the sleep in the next to me. Sounds really normal baby behaviour and both mine were just the same. Totally stressed me out with my first- I’m nuch more chilled now with my second. Good luck x

white noise and swaddling are a life saviour. At 9 weeks, the baby is too young to self soothe (around 4 months you can). With my children, I found the daytime routine was critical to night sleep, even with a small baby. My DC1 slept through after 6 weeks of routine (he was 4 months when I started) and DC2 slept through the same day as I started a routine at 7 weeks old. I think the advice around reflux is a good idea as it might be that there is an issue to manage here.

@atiredmomma everything sounds pretty "normal", 9 until 1 is good. I agree with those saying not to follow advice about things in the cot or to co-sleep, I know lots of people who have and it's worked for them, but I know a couple who have lost their baby to SIDS and it's just not worth the risk. I have 4 children and I can only say the first was the hardest as a new mum, the sleep deprivation was so alien I think it seemed worse. With the others, I was prepared and knew it wouldn't last long, it really won't. Not one of my kids are the same.

So the best I have for keeping them settled is....

1. Milk. Is baby hungry? Mine always loved way more milk than they were supposed to, but I'm a great believer in being led by them. They were never over weight and very healthy so I'd feed on demand.

1. White noise doesn't work with every baby, but if it does it really does. My first born quite literally would nod off in seconds of a hair dryer or washing machine turning on. My second just looked at me like I was missing something 😆

1. Room temperature. It's not advisable to use lots of blankets (for safe sleep reasons) so if you can make sure the room is warm enough in the winter, cool enough in the summer your baby won't be disturbed.

1. The one thing I did do, when mine weren't sleeping well (and this won't be everyone's advice) was kept them downstairs with me and my dh and put their bedtime back. Babies have no notion of time and they don't have to be up early so if they were awake at 10/11/12 with me, it would mean when they did go to sleep we'd usually get longer and less broken sleep as they have gone to sleep when they were tired not because of a routine I was trying to get them into.

My baby is 15 weeks today and we have been lucky that he has slept through more or less from 8 weeks. I think though it doesn't matter what you do, you have to have a baby that wants to sleep. They're all different but some things that worked for me:

• I put him to bed later.

People used to raise an eyebrow when I said I put him to bed at midnight but I tried and tried to get him down earlier and honestly I was wasting my own time. Hours and hours of trying to settle him. Once we got into a routine I gradually started bringing it earlier (10,9,8) but I'd give him a feed about 10/11 and put him down after. Some nights it was 1am but I got a good chunk after and I'm on maternity leave so him sleeping 1 - 6/7/8 felt like a full night to me.

• white noise machine / singing

I put the lullaby on for ten minutes. Then go back and change it to waves or something. He used to go down awake but has recently started wanting rocked - I do 28 (he was boring 28th 😂) little ducks and dim the light (I have a Lumi clock) a couple of settings each 5 ducks (25,20 etc). I get quieter each verse and for the last few I take him away from my body and swing him, then lower him, then rock him in the crib, then move towards the door.

• dim the lights and reduce noise 1 hour before bed

This isn't so vital now but early days I used to do this to get him 'ready' for bed.

• warm bottle

I was feeding but have put him on the bottle for various reasons. I have a prep machine but I give him a warm last bottle I make with the kettle an hour before and let it cool

I sympathise with you because I really didn't cope with little sleep. I'm sure my baby will hit a regression and I'll have to find another routine for him.

At the moment I don't let him nap past 5. Bath/pjs at 6. Bottle for 6:30/7 and then sleep for 7:30/8. It's not always like this but that's what I aim for. Sometimes it's 9 but i get him to sleep but he's only young as is your baby so don't get yourself stressed about routine etc.

I'm also a first time mum and literally had no clue what i was doing (still don't ha) but what I will say is every baby is different and what works for one won't work for another so don't try and compare.

Those early days with newborns are so hard :( it's very exhausting, but totally normal, baby wants be close to mummy and warm in your arms. Keep telling yourself this won't last forever, it does get easier I promise.
-Don't put anything in the crib with baby, no nests, teddies or loose blankets.
-Do you have a thermometer in the bedroom? Ideal temp would be between 17 and 20. Not too hot, not too cold.
-2.5 tog sleep bag for this time or year, with a long sleeved vest and babygro.
-Have you tried white noise? We use a fan(not pointing at baby's crib). It also helps me sleep.
-have you tried a light show/lullaby monitor? Mine used to look up at the lights on the ceiling and that would help them to drift off.

Also when you rock him to sleep in your arms, how quickly are you transferring him back in the crib? As sometimes it take 15-20 mins for them to have gone into a deeper sleep, so if you put baby in there after 3 minutes of being asleep in your arms he will wake up and you have to start the process again.

Mine is on a similar feed schedule. Don't put him upstairs until after 1am feed. Put him in a sleep bag, turn on the protector with lights and music.

Baby now knows that's our bedroom and we go there for long sleeps.

I would put a hot water bottle in my baby’s next to me while I was feeding him so that it wasn’t a big change in temperature for him when I put him down. I would keep it wrapped in a blanket on the floor while he was in the crib and it would stay warm all night. It made a massive difference for us and he would stay asleep

Does he need to be changed and winded? In my experience, the less you disturb them the better. Feed in semi darkness to try to keep them half asleep......

We had the same issue with my son when he slept in his next to me where he’d throw around his arms and legs and wake himself up, I guess they’re used to being in a tight space!!

We started using these under a sleeping bag, it’s less restrictive than a swaddle but keeps them feeling snug and I also found putting him down slowly and then placing my hand on his chest for a few minutes would help 😊

https://amzn.eu/d/dbOqjij