Weird experience with school gate mum

[Hubhubba26]

Anyone here ever had a truly bizarre experience where they've been suddenly blanked by a fellow school mum? for my sons birthday we invited his new best friend and his mum to our house for their first ever playdate. Made a real effort, set up some games, laid out some food etcetera

They stayed for a good 2 hours, boys played really well together me and my partner had a nice chat and glass of wine with playdates mum. Left on a good note, so far, so good. Except ever since the mum is not only blanking me at the school gate but looking quite scared whenever I try to talk to her. The other day I was in bed poorly so my DH did pick up. Yep you guessed it upon seeing DH playdate mum chatted away to him quite happily.

Any thoughts on what the heck is going on. Has anyone had a similar experience? I'm not asking to be the womsns new BFF but a simple normal hello would be nice xx

I would have to ask her if I had offended her in some way

She fancies your husband so feels guilty/weird when she sees you and can't deal with it so blanks you. That was my first thought anyway!
Just keep smiling and saying hi to her.

That’s so odd! How long ago was this and how many times has she blanked you? If it just once maybe there’s a rational explanation like she was stressed with work, or just had sone bad news and didn’t want to talk to anyone. If it were me I’d just go right up to her and ask her how she was though!

Could she think you and dh aren't together?

Coming up for 3 weeks ago

I find this with a few school mums, chatty at the kids parties and completely blank on the playground (no one wants an in-depth chat everyday twice a day but my god can’t we smile or say hi?)

I’m fairly new to this school politics so no idea if this is normal but I get it OP happens to me!

Did you discuss any topics that could be contentious? Even if she didn't disagree with them at the time? Some people just ghost you forever if you say something they don't like, especially political.

I wouldn’t overthink it. Maybe she felt overwhelmed at the play date and now doesn’t know what to do - perhaps she has some anxiety about inviting you for a return play date. That would be my best guess. I find it really really hard to be chummy with other mums, but one I’ve broken the ice a few times I’m fine.

Or maybe she left a big red-wine glass circle on your carpet and you have found it yet.. 😂

I’d definitely try a big smile and a breezy hello how are you! Next time you see her.

I don't think so. We've recently (well 1 year ago) moved from a city to a village in the south. Tbh I do find people more reserved on certain levels. The only slightly personal subject was a tricky family matter she was going through.

I cried today because of a similar thing. It is really upsetting me now because it has been happening with several mums for two years now. Really effecting my confidence at this stage.

I got this too. Some women are so lovely at parties but then blank you afterwards. I wonder if they just put on an act to get through the situation at the time because none of their “real” playground friends are there.

Maybe there is some reason that she cannot host a return playdate and is guilty that she cannot return the hosting or else maybe she felt she shared too much about her tricky family situation.

No I don't think so

Two options.
You either said something she didn't like at the play date, regardless of whether you felt it went well. We can't know what.
She fancies your husband.

Maybe she's thinking, "Oh shit she's one of those parents that expects me to stay & chat awkwardly on a play date. The joy of a playdate is that you get to drop the kids off and have a couple of hours peace.

Ive had similar before when people feel they have over shared with you then feel embarrassed so blank you for a bit/ forever. There's a stage in most female friendships where people expect reciprocal vulnerability - so they share a confidence, you share something back, you move towards a deeper friendship.

Clearly first playdate is too early for you and most other people and you didn't reciprocate so she is at some level embarrassed/rejected.

It's not you it's her! Unless this happens a lot in which case let yourself be more vulnerable and share bad things as well as good things with people you like - I had to learn this.

How do you know 'it's not you it's her' ?!?

Maybe it is, maybe it isn't.

I went on quite a few dates when dating when I thought the person was an absolute dickhead and still came the text 'when can we go out again'. One persons experience of a conversation is not necessarily the same as the other person.

Def weird she's chatty to dh

Send her a message so she can open /reply in her own time

And just say noticed she tried to avoid you /doesnt went to chat and apologise and say did you do something to upset her

My neighbour was like this. I put it down to extreme shyness / social awkwardness. If I was really obvious and in front of her she would smile and say hi, but she blanked me plenty too when I was in close proximity and greeting her.

And who knows, maybe she finds female friendships more difficult to navigate. I'm sure its nothing you've said or done OP.

Maybe she just doesn't like you very much. Maybe she found the play date tedious and doesn't want to do another one so gets scared every time you approach.

Not everyone in the world likes us. It's not personal.

Does her child not want your child back and she is embarrassed? I have been in this situation before. When you are socialising as a parent the children often influence the situation. Perhaps she is not handling that well

This happened to me with a nursery mum id met up with a few times. I just ignore her now.

She didn't have to stay for over 2 hours and drink our wine...so no I wouldn't agree there @boomingaround

Right OK. I don't think the logical conclusion is that she fancies your husband though 🤦‍♀️🙄 as lots of others have said. Tbf it would be a bit rude to leave after less than two hours for a play date if you had put a spread on so she perhaps felt it was the polite amount of time to spend even if she wasn't feeling it. But I'm sure someone will be along with a conspiracy theory soon enough.

And just say noticed she tried to avoid you /doesnt went to chat and apologise and say did you do something to upset her why on earth should she apologise? She doesn’t know to have done anything wrong, and unless this woman tells her she’s done something wrong it’s ridiculous to tell her that she should apologise.

The woman is ignorant. Simple as that.

It’s one thing to not want to be friends, but to simply blank someone is pure rudeness and ignorance. Especially if she’s still talking to the OP’s DH.

Manners cost nothing, and this woman doesn’t have any.

OP I would ignore her in future. And tbh I wouldn’t be expecting my DH to go over and start chatting to her if she’s blanking you. He doesn’t need to ignore her if she speaks to him first, but I wouldn’t be expecting him to initiate conversations.