Telling 10 year old they need to bath by themselves now?

[SoLuckyToHaveYou]

DS is 10 and over the last year has become more wanting of privacy for dressing/undressing/using the loo (which seems quite right to me). However, he still wants either DH or me to stay with him at bath times. He is quite capable of doing all that he needs to washing wise, he just doesn’t want to be alone and this seems to take precedence over his need for privacy. I feel he is approaching the stage where he really should bath alone, especially where I am concerned. Does anyone else have experience of this, and have any words of wisdom for me?

have you ever actually asked him why?

Can you explore why he doesn’t want to be alone?

Is he anxious about it - some people can feel quite vulnerable when naked and wet - leaving the door open might help

Or is it when he gets 1 to 1 time with a parent and he doesn’t want to give that up - if so build it in before or after wash time

does he have siblings?

Blimey mine is 5 and baths herself. Don't make a thing of it just say, OK I will give you privacy and leave him to deal with it.

Is he the same with showering?

Really I'd just go with it probably, it's not forever!

me? i’d just say “i’ll be back in 5 but i’m going to do the laundry. call me if you need me”

end of.

id have done it a few years ago!

I would just say matter of factly "it's not appropriate any more now that you're growing up." It's ok to be honest even if he doesn't want to hear it. That's part of our job as parents.

i wouldn’t even say that!

just “i need to sort the laundry, call me if you need me”

If he's happy then honestly I wouldn't worry too much. He will get to a point where he really doesn't want you there with him, most likely within the next year or two. If it's making you too uncomfortable then just suggest dh sits with him instead. FWIW I have a 16 year old who still occasionally likes company at bath time, either me or her older sister. If she's comfortable with it then I don't see a problem.

I would leave the door ajar slightly but let him know I'll be around upstairs and not far away. The progress to being downstairs.

Is there a reason he doesn't want to be alone?
Could he play music while in the bath so it's not silent, if the quiet is the problem?

Could he have showers instead so it's quicker and less time alone?

As far as I'm concerned it's only a problem if he has a problem. Teaching children not to be ashamed or embarrassed about their naked body( gong to the loo clearly its an exception) it's really important. To me the fact that a ten year old is comfortable, unashamed and not viewing bodies as sexual is fantastic.
Being tied to the bath every day while they are in there is the issue I assume rather than thinking its inappropriate? If you just don't want to sit in the room for the Duration of bath time pop in and out whilst doing jobs, getting a cup of tea and explain you'll come back and see them but also have many things to do etc but be really proud you child is own and confident enough to not feel self conscious or hung up about their body and support them in keeping that openess. It will do them many favors later in having body confidence.

I would definitely ask why he doesn't want to be alone if you haven't already but I'm like other pp that this should have been pushed sooner. It's our jobs as parents to create boundaries for our kids and uphold them. Even when they don't yet realize that they need those boundaries.

Why on earth is creating appropriate boundaries around privacy teaching them to be ashamed. It's not teaching them to be ashamed it's teaching them that there are boundaries as we grow up. It's the same reason I don't want my child in the bathroom when I bathe. I'm not ashamed of my body. But I don't exactly need her there observing while I do my business especially if I'm washing the more intimate bits! Privacy is not the equivalent of shame.

is it only during bath time he doesn’t want to be alone? Is he ok going to sleep in his own room etc? Perhaps he is frightened of something - saw something frightening on tc for example about water. If that is the case I would switch him to showers.

you must have things to do, near the bathroom,
i would do this.
no conversation needed.
is he worried about being alone?

Leave the bathroom door open, tell him you’re going to tidy up in your room, put some washing away etc. Tasks that only have you in the room next door and away for 5 mins and you can call him every now and then asking a question.

Keep this up and extend the amount of time you’re away from the bathroom until it’s normal that you’re no longer there at all.

He might enjoy having some music on in the bathroom or having a visible timer set for 10 mins so he knows that’s how long he’ll be in there.

I think it would depend on his reasoning as to why he wants you there with him as to my reaction to it.

I do think kids go through different stages of needing us and wanting us, I'm ok with that if it's a phase, I just go work it.

Is it a fear, is he scared of water maybe or heard of someone drowning in a bath.

The first step is speaking to him about why he wants someone with him during bathtime. That will help you come up with an alternative to you sitting there during that time. Then try to phase it out.. Pop out for a couple of minutes then come back, next few times go for a bit longer, next time leave the door open and say you'll be in your bedroom etc.

I wouldn't worry about this being inappropriate and you shouldn't feel it's more inappropriate for you to sit with him than his dad.. he's only 10, very much still a child and he's your child so it shouldn't make you uncomfortable. For those saying it's important to teach boundaries.. he's not getting naked or bathing in front of anyone. He's just comfortable with bathing in front of his parents and will likely soon no longer feel comfortable and will want more privacy. By trying to enforce boundaries on him you'd be telling him there's something wrong with him feeling comfortable.

Thanks everyone for your views. Lots to consider there.. Yes, he doesn’t like to be alone when going to sleep either but it’s easier to leave him alone then for a few moments with the promise that I’ll be back shortly because he’s half way to dozing off anyway. When he was younger he used to say that he was afraid of going to sleep by himself and we told him about the worry monster & read the story.

No siblings to compare with sadly.

He's 10! No need to be alone for any of that!

I stayed with my DD when she was 10 and I am also pretty sure she got in the shower with either of us at that age.

Having known a 9 year old girl slip and drown in a bath, I'd never leave them totally alone and always be at the least, within earshot.

He's 10! No need to be alone for any of that!

well actually i don’t flipping want to be perched on the toilet seat twiddling my thumbs 4/5/6/7 times a week in the evenings

He is ten. You are his Mum. I really don't think he needs to bath alone if he's not ready to.

I mean at that age it's reasonable to say no you need to bath alone, but not because there is anything weird about you bathing him but just because you have other stuff to do.

With mine as they got older I would be upstairs doing jobs while they bathed with the door open (I still do this with 7 year old) and then gradually if just stopped and they do it themselves.

everyone for your views. Lots to consider there.. Yes, he doesn’t like to be alone when going to sleep either but it’s easier to leave him alone then for a few moments with the promise that I’ll be back shortly because he’s half way to dozing off anyway

ah i missed this

has he ever been on a sleepover?