DD 8 wet herself in class

[havingkidsishard]

DD 8, came home soaked and said her water bottle spilled on her but I didn't believe her but said nothing because I don't want her embarrassed while her brother was there

Nxt day we were alone and I asked what happened and she opened that she was pressed in class during a lesson and put up her hand to ask for permission to go to the toilet but that the teacher didn't acknowledge her even though she acknowledged others next to her and then she eventually wet herself when she could no longer hold it.

I have told her that she should get up and walk towards the door saying out loud I need the toilet and I am pressed next time. But she is probably never going to do that because she can be timid and shy. The sch referred her for autism diagnosis few years ago and we are still waiting for a proper appointment but then she's improved significantly since the referral. She is academically sound and intelligent but struggles with emotions for instance, she might bust into tears if another pupil shouts at her or does something to her instead for telling them of etc.

How do I handle this? Do I email the teacher to let her know what happened and suggest that she allows the children to get her and go to the toilet without waiting for permission?

Also, this teacher is a bit strange perhaps she does not like me or does not know how to relate to me because she thought my son few years ago and now teaching my DD and I tend to smile at her or wave when i see her but she never acknowledges so I stopped all of that and I don't do school runs at all except once in a while (I mean, I went to the sch for the first time on Wednesday since December).

What do I do with my daughter's situation pls

What do you mean she was “pressed”?

I think you need to go and speak to her teacher and explain what happened. I would also mention it to the head. No child should be denied a toilet break. Your daughter must have been so uncomfortable and embarrassed.

Yes message the teacher and let her know.
But don't suggest the letting kids walk out without permission. You know your daughter wouldn't abuse a system like that, but many kids would.

And unless "pressed" is a common phrase in your area, I would rephrase that too. I assumed it was a typo the first time.

@WindyDock thanks for the reply, I will email the teacher

@SnowsFalling thanks for the reply. I will email the teacher I a, not British but pressed is a word we commonly use in that context where I come from.

We don't use the word 'pressed' to say we need the toilet urgently in English. We'd say 'I'm desperate to go to the toilet' or 'I urgently need to go to the toilet'. No one will understand if you say pressed.

But an 8-year-old, particularly one who is awaiting an autism diagnosis, shouldn't just be ignored by her teacher, when trying to get her attention. YWNBU to speak to the teacher about this and ask that your DD be allowed to go to the toilet during lessons if she needs to.

Just call the school and tell them, and speak to them about not ignoring the kids.

And yes, “I’m pressed” doesn’t make sense. We say, “I’m pressed for time,” when we mean have things to do and are running out of time to do them, like a deadline at work. We don’t say “I’m pressed,” when we mean we need the toilet so no one will understand her saying that. Teach her to just speak plainly and say she needs the toilet and is desperate to go.

Email the teacher and the SENDCO, chasing up the autism referral at the same time. The class teacher may have no idea she's waiting for assessment, not that that should make a difference. But your daughter could have a toilet pass that she places on the table or gives to the teacher, it's not unusual.

Was she more urgent than normal? Keep an eye on her, she could have a urine infection. Sometimes the main/only symptom is urgently needing the loo and not being able to hold it, if it happens again I would get her checked.

Yes agree with others, don’t get her to say the word pressed. I thought you meant another child pressed on her which made her wet herself. Definitely speak to the teacher about how this can be managed if it happens again. And encourage dd to go to toilet in break times too. Is she drinking and weeing more than normal?

I went through a period of doing this at that age. I had a complete fear of putting my hand up to ask to use the toilet. The teachers noticed once and sorted me out with clean clothes.
For me it was self limiting in that I remember it happening in year 4 but never in year 5 and wasn't regularly having to ask to use the toilet as I still had that fear. I wonder if my bladder hadn't been a bit behind my fluid intake and then it caught up.
I was a very very shy kid and my anxiety and depression started a few years later.

Thanks all for the reply and suggestions

Perhaps I was not clear in my post, I use the word pressed here when I posted the issue asking for advice. DD did not use the word pressed and does not you the word pressed.

It's unacceptable that the teacher didn't let her go. I'm a teacher and I always let my students go: having a toilet accident is humiliating. I'd be really firm with the teacher not to do that again. How can he/she not notice a child with their hand up! I feel so sorry for your dd

I'd encourage her to toilet go in beak and lunch time - talk to the teacher let her know there is an issue and consider if she currently has a UTI.

One of mine had an issue with wetting herself after years of being fine - it was a UTI and trip to GP sorted it.

But yes I would get in touch with the teacher.

Definitely message the teacher and let them know this happened, so they know to do an extra check in with her in future. Ideally you’d have a meeting with the teacher & dd to come up with a strategy for another time - a signal or code word for eg.

I wouldn’t complain or blame the teacher though - in the middle of the lesson you might not call on every child with their hand up so it could be missed if your dd didn’t show she needed something different & wasn’t just answering questions. With 30 children in the class things get missed, even by the best teachers.

Okay but you did say you've told her to say that next time so I think PPS are just flagging that if she does, people won't know what she means.

Are you in the UK? Schools are usually quite strict here on going to the loo during lessons

@CatamaranViper oh my bad, I didn't realise I had to DD to say that in my post my apologies

Just message the teacher and tell her what happened and take it from there

I’m British and have never heard the phrase ‘pressed’ but completely understood what you meant by it!

I think it’s criminal that children aren’t allowed to use bathrooms as and when, but definitely assume in this instance that the teacher just missed it. Definitely impress on DD that she needs to make herself clear if she is desperate. Was the teacher aware that she had wet herself?

I wouldn't message, because it might not be clear. I knew what you meant by pressed but some people found it odd so speak to the teacher in person and privately so other kids and nosey parents dont hear or ask her to call you back and speak over the phone.

Well I live in London and have heard pressed for time as in can't wait, usually by afro carribean, African or indian people.

I’m British and have never heard the phrase ‘pressed’ but completely understood what you meant by it!

Exactly, it's clear as daylight what OP meant in this context but god forbid anyone who isn't English use this site, English is the ONLY way on MN.

Email the teacher, take it from there. It is awful the way some schools manage toilet breaks.

Yes, I’m context we all knew what it meant. But that’s not the issue. If her child puts her hand up and says, “Miss, i’m pressed,” the teacher won’t know what she is talking about. That’s the issue that posters have picked up on. It’s important that she is understood if she is having toilet issues. A child of this age should be able to
last a couple of hours between home, break, lunch then home again without wetting themselves. If something is going on, the very first step is making sure she knows how to ask. The OP told her daughter to just walk out the class saying “I’m pressed.” No. She needs to use words which are understood without having to put them into context by explaining.

”Pressed for time” is a very common phrase in all English speaking country. It’s been used in the UK for a few hundred years. It isn’t a foreign phrase.

But this is different Using, “I’m pressed,” to mean, “I need the toilet,” is not a common phrase and won’t be understood out of context.

Fgs. Why does MN do this- descends into pointless bickering about some irrelevant aspect of the OP.

OP it isn't acceptable that your daughter was not allowed to go to the toilet. I would make an appointment to see the teacher and explain what happened. I would then ask your daughter to report back if anything similar happens again and if it does then you should report it to the head. It's disgraceful that your daughter suffered that humiliation when she didn't need to.

Make a meeting to see the teacher face to face. Don’t be fobbed off, if your daughter had her hand up don’t let the teacher say she randomly didn’t notice it this one time. Ask your daughter everyday about what goes on in the classroom, believe her, trust your gut. Talk to other parents in the same classroom, some will be having no problem but others will be just as confused as you are. Find out if any parents have pulled their kids out of that teachers class.

Presse (I can't work out how to make the acute accent) is the French word for urgent. We've borrowed it, hence 'hard pressed, pressed for time' etc.

I understood what OP wrote too, and I know her little girl didn't say she was pressed, and also that it's beside the point. I'm mentioning it simply because there's been such a debate about OP's use of the word 😁

OP, I agree with the others that the teacher shouldn't have ignored your daughter. I hope you'll mention this to the teacher, and keep an eye on things to make sure she doesn't do it again