DD 8 wet herself in class

[havingkidsishard]

DD 8, came home soaked and said her water bottle spilled on her but I didn't believe her but said nothing because I don't want her embarrassed while her brother was there

Nxt day we were alone and I asked what happened and she opened that she was pressed in class during a lesson and put up her hand to ask for permission to go to the toilet but that the teacher didn't acknowledge her even though she acknowledged others next to her and then she eventually wet herself when she could no longer hold it.

I have told her that she should get up and walk towards the door saying out loud I need the toilet and I am pressed next time. But she is probably never going to do that because she can be timid and shy. The sch referred her for autism diagnosis few years ago and we are still waiting for a proper appointment but then she's improved significantly since the referral. She is academically sound and intelligent but struggles with emotions for instance, she might bust into tears if another pupil shouts at her or does something to her instead for telling them of etc.

How do I handle this? Do I email the teacher to let her know what happened and suggest that she allows the children to get her and go to the toilet without waiting for permission?

Also, this teacher is a bit strange perhaps she does not like me or does not know how to relate to me because she thought my son few years ago and now teaching my DD and I tend to smile at her or wave when i see her but she never acknowledges so I stopped all of that and I don't do school runs at all except once in a while (I mean, I went to the sch for the first time on Wednesday since December).

What do I do with my daughter's situation pls

Hi OP. I have a son also waiting for autism assessment who is fearful of toilet accidents. He has a pass on his desk. I emailed and spoke to the senco and class teacher who have been really understanding and supportive. So if you raise it, hopefully you'll get an equally helpful response. Sounds like you are slightly wary of the class teacher, so if you copy in the senco, or speak to them, that should help ensure it is handled appropriately. Good luck.

This seems like a very extreme response to what is presumably an isolated incident of the teacher having far too many hands up at the same time during a lesson and being unable to deal with everything at once.

Assuming that if this was part of a pattern of incidents in the class, it would have been mentioned so assuming this has happened once, it hardly merits a witch hunt.

Parents would be equally unhappy if their children's learning was disrupted every few minutes or delayed by 10-15 minutes every session indulging every single hand that was up in the room. Most educators care about children and don't routinely ignore them without good reason.

By all means, speak to the teacher directly. I'm sure she would want to hear about it but no need for the intense vigilante behaviour when a quick chat should do the job.

I'd talk to the teacher, when this happened in one of the older classes at a school I worked in, they brought in a T system. As students were not always having their raised hands answered in a class full of raised hands. They made it so if you needed the toilet you made a T sign with your hands, so the teacher could just tell you to go. It was much quicker.

Your poor daughter though, its so embarrassing and shouldn't have happened.

Thank you all for the replies

I have to say that no one in class knew she wet herself as far as I know . She said one of her closest friends saw her wet and immediately told her bottle had spilled on her and I am guessing that the line that went out to all the other kids too.

I usually ask children to wait until the end of input until they go to the loo during lesson time. If they miss input then they will struggle with concepts being taught when it comes to doing the actual irk in their books.

As parents I'm sure we have all said to our children before starting a car journey "make sure you go to the loo" because we don't want to be 20 mins into a car journey with our child saying they need the toilet right now! As parents we'd then say you'll have to wait 5/10 mins until we get to services. Your child is being asked the same thing in school.

Do I email the teacher to let her know what happened and suggest that she allows the children to get her and go to the toilet without waiting for permission

Hmm...and then fifteen children decide to get up and go to the toilet without permission.

Let the teacher know.
Coach your dd on how to get her teachers attention in an emergency.
Could she maybe have a card she holds up or puts on the teacher's desk?

I would imagine it was not something that happened due to any malicious intent on behalf of the teacher
If I have shy children in my class, I just tell them to show me a T shape with their fingers, so I know where they are going.

Agree with this....I wet myself whilst standing reading to a teacher when I was 9yo because i was too scared of asking to go, probably because i had noticed it previously meaning a harsh reaction and i was scared of being told off....it was the most embarrassing and humiliating thing I've been through, and still remember how I felt over 25 years later.
Your poor daughter :(

This is awful.
I would not advocate a child of any age just walking out the classroom from a safety perspective but for heaven’s sake, the teacher should know which children are saying ‘miss can I go to the toilet’ because they fancy a break or will be arsing about in there, and those like your poor daughter who really have to go as a one off. Girls of 8 can get periods! Rare but it happens. Or what if she was feeling sick? Or had an upset stomach?
I would be teaching her to say ‘Miss I am going to the toilet, sorry I cannot wait’. Obviously only to be used in an absolute emergency like the other day.

Did you speak to the teacher?

Poor girl I wet myself age 7 when my teacher wouldn't let me go to the toilet and then made me wash up and i was too shy to say anything. Everyone then laughed when i wet myself. Someone I went to school with mentioned it to me on messenger last year, almost 40 years later and I still want to curl up and cry. I can't believe this is still happening in schools

@holycrabsticks I haven't contacted the teacher although i drafted the email but I wanted to make sure is not sounding aggressive and I tried calling the sch to ask to speak to the SENCO but thought perhaps I contact teacher 1st b4 SENCO.

I have told DD and remind her everyday to make sure she makes herself clear when she needs the toilet. I told her she needs to speak up and ask to go to the toilet but I just hope she can do that.

She was telling me they have a hand code for when they need the toilet and that she did use the code on the day. A part of me is struggling to believe she was genuinely missed and not just intentionally ignored and if so, why? 🤦🏾‍♀️

Lots of people claiming not to know what 'pressed' means. In this context the meaning is perfectly clear.

And I remember plenty of kids setting themselves in class that age and a bit older so don't worry too much, OP. I'm sure she'll be more assertive next time.

Give over! Children constantly have hands up in a classroom - some to answer a question, some to ask to go to the toilet, I’ve a wobbly tooth, I’m going away, have you seen … etc. If teachers had to ensure they had spoken to every child with a raised hand (and some will add theirs as others talk) before moving on, you’d never finish a lesson on time. Clearly no idea what it’s like to teach.
OP speak to the teacher. I bet they’ll be mortified. But to suggest it’s deliberate and other parents have had the same problem as the poster above suggests, is a huge leap and ridiculous.

If the reacher was in the middle of talking then fair enough to expect an 8 year old to wait a minute.

I have now emailed the teacher and just called the sch re the senco and will wait for senco to contact me. I have told DD to be put up her hand and make the sign for toilet and if she's still not getting acknowledged , to speak up and say she needs the toilet.

You could also tell her to make sure she always goes at break and lunch. I know you shouldn’t have to.

Still waiting to hear back from teacher but sch SENCO called to say they will inform teacher to pay more attention to her when she's got her hand up in class. I am satisfied + I will keep asking her to speak up when she needs the toilet if she not being acknowledged on time and to use the toilet during break.