My dd needs glasses

[Hellomummy23]

I did a post on here but received negative comments and didn't know how to edit it so I'll rephrase it

My little girl age 7 went for a routine eye test as I took my children all together for their first test. She's never had any problems with her eyes she reads great and has never complained.

I was shocked for them to tell me she's a +2.00 in both eyes. She didn't want to wear glasses and immediately got upset which upset me as I don't like seeing my kids heartbroken yes I know it's only glasses and there are worse things going on in the world but this is just her feelings and obvs in a ideal world I would rather this may be happening.

I just wanted advice for any other children who have kids with the same strength how often they wear their glasses.
I didn't even know if this was strong or a weak strength as I was quite shocked too and didn't ask any questions.

I've told my daughter that she has nothing to worry about and reassured her so I don't need any comments telling me that I should not give her negative energy as I haven't. I always get upset if my kids are upset they are my world

We get it. You're upset because your kids are upset, they're your world blah, blah, blah.

Your daughters prescription is absolutely fine. My DD has such a high prescription. She's practically blind! But we crack on. She's confident, happy, accepting, and very secure in her needing to wear glasses AND lenses except when she's sleeping.

That's because I'm that way with her. You do come across as disappointed that your kid doesn't have 'perfect' vision.

I'd like to add that my same daughter has today had an emergency referral to Neurology because of actial health issues she's dealing with. We're still bouncing and getting on with life.

Perspective OP. All of us see our children as our world.

Focus on the positives, there are lots of them.

I have already she told me straight she hates glasses and doesn’t want to wear them

I’m kind of surprised about the reaction to be honest. Glasses are very much coveted among the girls at our school as they are seen as additional accessories to play with. Definitely not like back when I was a kid. My youngest is gutted thats he has perfect vision while my eldest needs them.

Your post reads to me as if you are distressed. Are you? Most people end up needing some form of vision correction in their lifetime, or so I understand it. I know more horror stories of kids whose problems with vision were picked up too late than those who were traumatised by glasses wearing. If the kids in her class pick on glasses wearers tell the teacher to handle the bullying, whether or not your daughter ever even tolerates her frames.

If your daughter did not like any of the frames in the store, could you try a different optician? Which optician were you in? My experience is that independent opticians as opposed to chains have a better range of frames and are better and helping someone to find frames that suit them, however they are also often a bit more expensive. I have heard that the lense quality also varies although I have no reason to believe this is true or not.

Another option is having two (or more) pairs for different “looks”, a luxury I have never afforded myself but I would if I had the budget for it.

My daughter was very upset and it upset me.

Your job as a parent is to mainly hold your nerve during things like this. Glasses is a literal non-issue. Your daughter is allowed to be upset, listen to why she's upset and then positively reframe it and support her.

You don't get to override her needs and wellbeing because seeing her upset bothers you.

I know his not a massive deal but even if my child falls and cries it upsets me so I don't like her crying to me telling me she doesn't want glasses.

Is everything ok? Kids cry a lot and get upset a lot, they're still learning about the world and how to regulate their emotions and how to handle those emotions. It's our job as parents to help them along that process. I know it's not nice when our kids are upset but the reaction it seems to cause in you seems a bit disproportionate. For example I don't think I'd be upset about a fall for one of mine unless it caused a serious injury, grazed knees and bumped heads are just part of day to day life with kids even if they find them upsetting. The most upsetting bit is if they need a plaster because I know that means at least a week of plaster BS.

My DD was about the same age when I noticed a bit of a squint when doing bloody loom bands (way back in 2014!) and she turned out to be +3.75… 🙈

She wore glasses for many years, never got bullied (she had a twin block brace too!) but eventually decided she didn’t like wearing glasses when she hit secondary and decided to wear them off and on, despite me begging her to.

Lo and behold, her eyesight has improved to +1.75/2.00 and the optician has told her she can wear them when she needs to. She’ll be 17 this year.

My now 18 year old DD has worn them for about 8 years, never bothered her and she's very fashion conscious etc. She wears contact lenses now but will wear her glasses to school. Nobody has ever made fun of her. Oh - she's only ever picked the basic free, black ones.

Your daughter's situation is a bit different to mine but really this is what I was getting at in the OPs other thread.

Thanks so much for this positive reply. I’m so happy her eyes have improved. When she first started to wear did she wear them all the time. Xx

Aw - I totally get why her being upset made you feel sad. It's not about the eyes, it's just you don't want her to be upset.

Exactly that. Everyone’s parenting is different my kids being upset does upset me especially when she’s begging me to not make her wear glasses despite what I say that’s positive. I only did a post for advice and people are having a go at me

A - means short sighted, a + means long sighted.
-2.00 is mildly shortsighted
+2.00 is mildly longsighted

Odd that a poster thinks you’re the confused one!

This is all so emotive, OP.

They are just glasses.

Even saying you are jealous of her - that is such a negative emotion yet you are trying to frame it in a positive way. It's not really helpful to bring jealousy into it.

She has to wear glasses and there's nothing wrong with that. Hopefully she can get some she likes. But it's not a big deal.

If you are always getting so emotional about little things then your kids will pick up on it and become that way as well.

Kids are very sensitive to our emotions and if she thinks it's a big deal to you then it will be a big deal to her.

Try to model being able to handle life's little hiccups, and not getting so upset about everything (even if you feel it inside). Teach her resilience by modelling it yourself.

Her upset is a bit OTT - glasses are all the rage with children atm. Get the glasses, give them to her each morning - she will either put them on or not. The prescription is so mild that it is not worth all this fuss. If she does not wear them it is not the end of the world. Unfortunate but seriously not worth all this aggro.

Plus she could learn to be kind to the kid being picked on...

It sounds like you have some internalised notions of beauty and looks being more important than health.

Everybody is upset when their child is upset, not just you.
What you have to do is be the adult - don't show it, be positive, comforting and supportive.
She's only 5 and is taking her cues from you.

My eyesight got far worse because I hid the problems from my parents for quite a while. If only I'd worn them when I first realised that I needed them, I wouldn't be anywhere near as visually impaired as I am now. I just didn't want to be called four eyes at school.

This does all seem very high drama. Everyone loves their children. You getting so upset and worked up about things doesn't prove that your children are more special to you than anyone else's are to them. It's just that other people have learned that they have to manage their emotions and behaviour to help guide their children through life's challenges. I suggest a fairly cheery but matter of fact approach to all glasses discussions from now on. This is only an issue because your daughter has been taught to overreact to things by you.

She did wear them all the time. There was no negotiation at that age - she needed them and that was it. This worked less as she hit secondary 🙈

Glasses are fashionable now - she’s been through all the fashions, black nerdy ones through to her current clear frames.

Being a parent is hard because we have to make choices about things that they might not like but are what is best for them. Can you try reframe this in your mind (no pun intended) to when she was little and you've said no to a biscuit before tea or chocolate before bed. It might not help how you feel in the moment but you know its for the right reasons so you stand by it. Being positive about the glasses is a good move and keep up with that. She will eventually just accept it because ultimately she needs them.

If it helps my DH has a profound squint (lazy eye) . This could have been easily treated by wearing glasses as prescribed when he was young. Unfortunately he refused and his DM didn't enforce wearing them in anyway because he didn't want to. 3 of our 4 wear glasses (baby currently has a patch) and he reminds the older 2 all the time of the importance of wearing them. When you feel upset just remind yourself your doing this for the best interests of your DD

You've already got a post about this.

Be an adult and stop being dramatic. It's only a pair of glasses.

Your daughter will pick up on your hysteria.

My dd has worn glasses all the time since the age of 7, she won't wear contacts because her glasses are very much part of her "look". She loves going to the opticians because it means she gets to choose new frames.

This whole situation is on you to make it exciting. What I can say is that this is the age that more and more children will notice eye problems and I bet within 6 months there will be quite a few of her classmates also wearing glasses.

Go by the advice given when you got the prescription

Did they say all the time or not?

You're being highly dramatic.

It's glasses for goodness sake, she's probably picking up on your dramatic behaviour and behaving this way down to you.

Try having actual disabled children who need medications to keep them alive daily, might give your head a much needed wobble.