How many people have 5+ year old children that still come into their beds or co sleep with them?

[TishaMelissa]

My DD is 5. I've brought her up on my own and she's always had issues with sleep..

We left her father due to domestic abuse. Currently, he only has limited supervised contact so naturally she is incredibly attached to me.

DD for the last year or so, particularly since the transition to school has regularly ended up in my bed in the early hours until morning time. It's the only way we've managed to get sleep. I've tried everything. Mattress on the floor, repeatedly bringing her back to her bed, sleeping on the floor in her room and tiptoeing out once she's asleep. None of it works. I find she just likes the comfort of being next to me. The way she wants me to hold her in the night is comparable to how a koala climbs a tree. She wraps herself around my arm and wants my arm around her.. she tells me it makes her feel safe.

Recently. I've just been allowing the co sleeping as I regularly work from home so I'm not up at a stupid hour, she goes to breakfast club at 7am so we tend to get a good night's sleep.

I don't tend to mind the co sleeping so much now she's actually sleeping. Before it was a nightmare, she'd pinch me, talk to me, pull my arm hairs and do anything except sleep. But now, once she's in, she sleeps.

My question is, should I actively encourage her to be sleeping in her bed knowing how difficult it'll be and it's almost guaranteed she'll wake up every night and want to be in mine? Or should I just continue as we are as we're both getting sleep.

I worry that I'm holding her back by letting her sleep in my bed, but she is largely a very happy, confident, boisterous little girl.

I slept in my mum’s bed until I went to high school. Do what’s best for you both.

Dd turns 6 next months and will spend roughly half a week coming in to us at night, we let her stay. I think it's fine.

My 8yo comes in after a bad dream. Enjoys sleeping with me any time. 11yo enjoys it too when given the option.

I’ve got my 6 year old DD in with me every night.. decided when she was born to take the path of least resistance when it came to sleeping after battling to get her older brother in his own bed. Tbh I am happy with it, she is too and so I’ll just keep going till she wants to move, I’m sure that will come at some point!

I guarantee she will stop eventually. One of mine still came in with me aged 10, no trouble, just used to slip in and sleep next to me. Stopped of his own accord after that. Don't worry about it if you are both getting sleep and she is happy.

My almost 7 year old still loves sleeping in my bed if DH is away. She often used to climb in with us in the early hours, but this has reduced a lot in the last 6 months or so. I’d go for whatever gets you the most sleep.

I don't think you're holding her back at all, you're showing her you'll be her safe place for as long as she needs you to be.

And also, as a fellow single parent, sleep trumps everything!

My little girl is 5 and I end up beside her every night. She calls me in to her rather than getting into our bed. She just likes cuddles with mummy and I’m ok with that. These years are too short and I’m going to take every cuddle I can get from her. She’s a really happy pleasant child, I think the comfort does her good. A lot of the kids in her class end up in parents beds too, it’s normal

I guess I'm posting this because my ex is pushing for more contact and cafcass want to progress to unsupervised and overnights explored after. Cafcass are aware our daughter has had sleep problems since she was very little..

I do not think the co sleeping is interchangeable between parents either. Its me she wants to be next to...

I guess my worry is how she'd cope if it meant she had to stay over at her fathers house without me if I'm not actively encouraging her to sleep in her bed.

Our rule is you have to start the night in your own bed but if they wake up and want to come in we never mind. It tends to happen in phases so thankfully they don’t both do it at the same time but I secretly enjoy the cuddles! My little bro used to go in all the time with my parents until he was maybe 11. Some kids just like the extra hugs.

It's fine - don't worry about it! I would bet that if I asked my friends, most of them have a child in their bed for at least some of the night. I'm writing this with a 6 year old asleep next to me, who turned up at about 2am (am not in the U.K.).

I think in your shoes I'd just continue to co-sleep. You're happy, she's happy, it's fulfilling a need for her (to feel safe) and you're both well rested. She's only little. If she was 17 I'd be addressing it with urgency, but 5 is so small.

If you think she is struggling with anxiety or trauma etc relating to the DV and relationship with her father, I'd attack this root cause rather than just trying to take away her comfort blanket. Can you access any therapy or other help for her? Are school helping at all?

Yes, she always falls asleep in her bed, always. She just ends up in mine as my room is directly opposite her.

Not going to lie, but I also love the cuddles and waking up to her little face first thing in the morning.

I wouldn’t worry about her necessarily wanting to co-sleep with everyone. My DD often stays over at family members houses and doesn’t expect them to sleep with her, though she does like to take a teddy with her on those occasions.

Mine still co slept at that age for various parts of various nights , and until they were a fair bit older . Fortunately they all had king / double beds so my husband always had somewhere decent to sleep .

Lots do. People often don’t talk about it but when you get chatting you realise most dc get into bed (or would like to) with their parents semi regularly. Mine are 11 & 9 and still come in occasionally - but it’s getting less and less. They’ll stop when they’re ready.

Yes, school are great. I've also arranged play therapy for her which she started last week. The practitioner told me she spent the first session drawing lots of beautiful pictures of mummy and her and telling her all the things we do together. I really do want to do everything I can to make her feel safe.

I'm a single parent and my 8 year old son sleeps in my bed out of choice. He has his own bedroom and bed but has hardly ever used it.

It is completely natural and normal to co-sleep and studies have shown that sleeping next to people you love is incredibly good for you. I still have occasional sleep overs with my kids and they are way older than yours. My 20 year old niece still slips in beside my sister when she's feeling like she needs her mum. You're giving your child a sense of safety, comfort and love. What can possibly be bad about that?

My 11 year old still comes in with me most nights (starts the night in her own bed with no issues, but normally moves during the night).

Yep. Every night, it gets a bit tedious when they’re almost as big as you!

It doesn't last long, make the most of the cuddles. My DD is 6 and always starts in her bed then comes down in the early hours. It's such a cosy way to sleep. Looking back it passed way too fast with my eldest who's a teenager. I'm lucky to get a text goodnight some nights. Make the most of it. Especially if she'll be spending nights away from you. I think it's more important to let her co-sleep with you when she can if that's what she needs at the moment.

My 12 yo daughter would occasionally come to co-sleep if she was sad or ill until about a year ago...

You are raising her to feel safe and loved , what could be better than that?

7 year old co-sleeps with me and the 3 year old is in with his Mum! One day we might share a marital bed again 😆