How many people have 5+ year old children that still come into their beds or co sleep with them?

[TishaMelissa]

My DD is 5. I've brought her up on my own and she's always had issues with sleep..

We left her father due to domestic abuse. Currently, he only has limited supervised contact so naturally she is incredibly attached to me.

DD for the last year or so, particularly since the transition to school has regularly ended up in my bed in the early hours until morning time. It's the only way we've managed to get sleep. I've tried everything. Mattress on the floor, repeatedly bringing her back to her bed, sleeping on the floor in her room and tiptoeing out once she's asleep. None of it works. I find she just likes the comfort of being next to me. The way she wants me to hold her in the night is comparable to how a koala climbs a tree. She wraps herself around my arm and wants my arm around her.. she tells me it makes her feel safe.

Recently. I've just been allowing the co sleeping as I regularly work from home so I'm not up at a stupid hour, she goes to breakfast club at 7am so we tend to get a good night's sleep.

I don't tend to mind the co sleeping so much now she's actually sleeping. Before it was a nightmare, she'd pinch me, talk to me, pull my arm hairs and do anything except sleep. But now, once she's in, she sleeps.

My question is, should I actively encourage her to be sleeping in her bed knowing how difficult it'll be and it's almost guaranteed she'll wake up every night and want to be in mine? Or should I just continue as we are as we're both getting sleep.

I worry that I'm holding her back by letting her sleep in my bed, but she is largely a very happy, confident, boisterous little girl.

Yes, my DD is 12. Up until her being about 9, it would be every night. She would always fall asleep in her bed, but then end up in mine. But then as she got older, it was like something switched. It became less frequent, to maybe around once a month now. And once she asleep in her bed, she never gets in mine. What she does now is ask before I go to bed, if she can come in my bed with me. I only say no if I'm incredibly tired, and she will just get in her own bed.

So, I'm sure your DD will grow out of it in her own time. Only issue there might be is if you meet someone new, and there's no space in your bed...but as I'm yet to come across that problem I cannot comment as to how it'll go!

And please don't worry about how she will sleep elsewhere. Children are very flexible and understand that there are different rules in different houses. If she has to sleep elsewhere, giving her something of yours to cuddle or wear can help.

If you're both getting sleep then you're fine. Kids sleeping in their own rooms is completely cultural - not every country does that, and there is no rule or scientific reason that says you must. In Japan the kids have their futons in between their parents' futons. You're making your child feel safe and that is important.

My 5 year old DS sleeps with me every night. My only rule is that he goes to bed in his own bed but he can come in when he wakes up which is normally around 11pm when I go to bed

I've asked him why he sleeps with me...is he scared/lonely/etc and he says he just likes cuddling me

I don't really mind, he's warm and snuggly and he doesn't snore like DH! I'm sure he'll grow out of it eventually and I'll miss him then

Thank you, that's made me feel teary x

You are doing the right thing OP . I think it’s good that they start in their own beds even if they join you in the night . In my experience it just gradually becomes more rare and then stops . They feel safe and you get a chance of sleeping

My ds2 is nearly 6 and still comes in most nights. Like others have said the rule is he goes to sleep in his own bed but can come in during the night. Even ds1 who is nearly 9 sneaks in sometimes. I don't hear them usually. Single parent here too so I don't have to share my bed with anyone else!

Nearly 7 year old here, co-slept most of her life. The past year she chose to start going to bed in her own room, but still comes through most nights.
If she asks to sleep with me we move to the spare bed.

I think I'll just let it happen. She's happy and I'm happy and we're both getting sleep.