Child is not in any extra curricular activities..

[brummyadele91]

I have a 9 year old only child and she is not in any extra-curricular activities e.g gymnastics, brownies, dancing, swimming etc etc. I've really noticed all her friends have clubs out of school and even ones that are quite late.
I find that by the time she gets home from school and we've had tea and done some homework and she has chilled out a bit, she is shattered. Weekends I don't like to have set commitments incase we decide to have a day out. I have noticed our way is unusual as most of her friends are in clubs and their evenings are accounted for.
I was just wondering if anyone else child was the same as mine eg: no extra-curricular activities out of school?

Can you take her to some trial classes? It's hard to know what you like/enjoy if you've never actually tried it.

My DC currently go to 4 activities a week which seems like a middle ground amongst friends. I do think it's a good experience for children to mix with others beyond school.

Good point I've not thought about this

Fifty years ago and earlier pretty much nobody did extra-curricular activities. Now it’s fashionable to do them. There are and have been a million different lifestyles and people are perfectly happy with them if their neighbour isn’t doing something different which might be better.

I like how you’ve been enjoying your time with your daughter and she has been having a nice lifestyle. Also that you haven’t had a knee-jerk FOMO panic reaction to the fact that so many other children are so busy.

There may be an activity she enjoys. There may be a skill that’s useful to acquire (swimming is the obvious one). She could give something a go. It may improve her social skills. Probably worth trying something.

But it’s not compulsory to copy everybody else. It sounds like she’s having a nice childhood. So if she doesn’t enjoy the activity or activities she doesn’t have to keep doing them.

My child is quiet in school, and avoids speaking in public. No one (including us her parents) would ever have guessed that she'd have the confidence to perform with her sports team in front of 1000 people.

Extra curricular activities can allow children to shine in ways they won't get through school or doing stuff with their parents.

I’ve got 3 children and so getting them to their different clubs can be a juggle, but I’ve found it so beneficial as they’ve got older to have interests and friends outside of school. My eldest daughter struggles academically but is talented at a certain sport and wins trophies / medals that give her confidence to persevere at school where it’s harder for her. My son is very academic but less social, so being in a sports team has really helped his social skills and confidence. My younger dd has ALN and dancing has completely transformed her confidence and she performed on stage in front of hundreds of people (having refused to even sit in assembly before!) I’ve cut it down to one activity each so they have plenty of spare time (although they each go 2-3 times per week as they compete / perform).

Do you work? Is she out of the house at childcare so that’s why you haven’t got her in any extra curricular activities?

Can she swim without any help and if so is it well enough she could swim well if invited to a swimming party for example?

Extra curricular activities gives her something else to think about, learn and other adults to interact with.

Aw thank you so much for this post

Mine did Rainbows and a couple of after-school activities (ones the school put on) but after the age of 7 she didn't.
After-school was often spent in the play park next to our flat, in the local library or sometimes at a friends house - but also she had plenty of things she was happy to do at home like play with her toys.
You read a lot of threads about children having "too many toys" and how many toys don't even get touched - well it often sounds like a lot of children don't get the chance to just play with their toys. They're never at home.
@brummyadele91 if your daughter is happy and not complaining she's bored - then she is fine.

Another reason it's quite important to generally keep up ish with peers is party invites.

I think around 8/9/10 both my dds were invited to pool inflatable parties (had to be able to swim 25m), pump track parties (those jump courses you do on bikes) , roller skating parties, ice skating parties. All which I remember the invite saying you needed to do without parental help.

It does start cutting off some doors, which she might well be happy with, but just to be aware of.

Can your child swim?

She shouldn't be that tired. Why is she that tired? One activity a week should be manageable, one evening a week is nothing.

Clubs are a good idea. She meets people and you meet the parents.
Staying at home all the time means as a teen she will just retreat into her room.

She needs the habits of an activity.
Swimming or netball or brownies.
Or singing in a choir. Or learning a language.
Basketball? Or arts and crafts?

Something is better than just having the tv or electronics.

Girls football is great too.

Yes she can swim 🏊

Great idea

If you want her to have something to keep her busy as a teenager, you need to get it embedded now IMO.

There are so many 'my teenager does nothing' posts on MN, but by the time they are 13/14, it's embarrassing to be the beginner at many activities. The other kids the same age will generally have been doing the activity a good while by then. If you pick an activity now and make it a habit, much more chance that she'll keep it up in the teenage years.

It can be really good for teenagers to have a healthy activity to 'escape' to when school and peer pressure kicks in. Think about what you want in the future rather then what works for now.

We didn’t do as much as some of DD’s friends, but she did ballet and Brownies. We also have a pony, but I ride her too, so DD can dip in and out. Re weekends, we kept Sunday free, so we can do family stuff. Ballet was term time only, so we had Saturdays too, during the summer etc.

I have an 8yo and 10yo
The 8yo does loads- some after school but we take him to stuff five times a week (a bind, I admit)
the 10yo basically shuns extra curricular stuff generally especially if it’s sport. However he knows that I insist he does do somethings out of school so he does scouts (a possibility for your dd?) and piano lessons (admittedly this is not very sociable but he practices most days so that’s a few hours less per week staring at a screen). He did swimming lessons for years but I let him give up recently

I would def look at swimming lessons- such an important life skill. Most kids start at about 4 but some older ones do join our club and make very quick progress. Mine are so confident when we use pools on holiday

I learnt orchestral instruments when I was young and when at secondary school was involved in lots of bands and orchestras including tours etc. if she is interested in music 9 is a great age to start but much later would be too late.

I’d encourage scouts/cubs/brownies too- good opp to make alternative local friends in time for high school and they go to camps etc which are massive cheaper than school residentials eg £60 all inclusive for a weekend away. And monthly subscriptions are pretty low too.

it does sound like your dd is happy enough but i think a smattering of extra curricular is very important

ps We have stuff on Saturdays but keep Sundays religiously (no pun intended!) free which works well for us for occasional days out or walks or to sometimes see family.

Yes, although my kids dropped their activities as teenagers.

You do sound as if you have a good relationship with your daughter and she has a lovely carefree life. So you are def doing a lot of things right!

My DD only did the sessions that were offered at her afterschool club as I am a single parent and couldn't pick her up until 6pm every day.

As she also went to breakfast club at 7.30am, that was a long enough day for both of us!

Weekends were for us to chill and spend time together. We did try swimming lessons but they were at stupid early o'clock on a Saturday morning, which neither of us enjoyed, so we knocked it on the head and I taught her to swim myself. Much more fun!

MN is full of parents whose children will have something every night... and that's fine! But it's also fine not to go to anything and still have a perfectly rounded child.

If your child is tired after school and doesn't want to do any activities... leave her be.

I do think it’s beneficial for kids to do some form of extra curricular activity. I also think that if you have an only (as I do), you need to ensure they have plenty of opportunities to socialise with different kids. That doesn’t mean you have to do 85 different activities and leave her with no down time, but even one club a week would have a lot of benefit.

DD is 8, no after school club and no extra curricular activities. She's not keen to do any of the things on offer near us. She will learn to swim next year in year 4, loves reading, going for hill walks and is very into craft and water colours.
Theres a few girls who do ballet or gymnastics in her class and lots of boys into football but not many who do anything other than the few after school clubs on offer which are only until 4 everyday.
She's busy, has lots of friends and sees cousins, aunts and grandparents regularly.
I think if it works for you and your daughter it's fine