Child is not in any extra curricular activities..

[brummyadele91]

I have a 9 year old only child and she is not in any extra-curricular activities e.g gymnastics, brownies, dancing, swimming etc etc. I've really noticed all her friends have clubs out of school and even ones that are quite late.
I find that by the time she gets home from school and we've had tea and done some homework and she has chilled out a bit, she is shattered. Weekends I don't like to have set commitments incase we decide to have a day out. I have noticed our way is unusual as most of her friends are in clubs and their evenings are accounted for.
I was just wondering if anyone else child was the same as mine eg: no extra-curricular activities out of school?

Yes I think this might be the problem here. She has never expressed an interest in anything specific, or asked to go to dance etc..,but if she did I guess now I would more than encourage it.

For what it's worth.....I didn't start extra curricular till I was 11 or 12.
Went to very small rural primary school and there were very few playdates or parties.
Prior to that we lived abroad for several years and I had to be homeschooled as there was no school where we lived.....so just 2 hours of tuition by my mother per day and then I just played outside with my sibling.
I'm quiet but have never had a problem making friends, average at sport in secondary school but was on a team and got good grades despite my unusual childhood.
I bring my children to loads of extra curricular, guilt trip myself over parties and play dates ....they are exhausted and cranky and don't have enough free play and seriously more and more I look back and think I was so lucky to have had the somewhat alternative childhood that I did with plenty of unstructured play.

Good point thank you

It’s totally up to you as to what you feel would be best for your child but I found my children at that age (including DC of current similar age) benefitted hugely from extracurricular activities. They often bought them closer together with their school peers being able to mix with them in different settings but also enjoyed mixing with other children too. As well it’s a something different that can perk them up if they’ve had a bad day at school plus the skills and achievements they gain seem to make them happier generally. I would say all my children were noticeably happier when had the opportunity to be engaged in a range of extracurricular activities. It can be tiring and expensive for us parents so have tried to strike a balance of sticking to ones that fit in best with our family life (and finances)

This is a great idea

So true

Never thought of this

By 9 mine were learning an orchestra instrument plus piano (one in school, piano after school), played in the county orchestra system ( Sat mornings) sang in a community choir one evening and did one after school sports club (school based on the day I worked late) I can't imagine how you would fill time with clubs and instrument practice, they had too much screen time as it was! They started as choristers at 10 which really helped keep them clear of the computer as that was a big commitment (but incentivised as they got paid!)

DD is a teenager now but when she was at primary school I worked full-time and as a single parent with a long commute it just wasn't possible to do any extra curricular activities.

She did go to after school club until 6pm every evening and so had the opportunity to try a few different things ha through that.

Weekends were our time and there was no way either of us wanted to run around after a full-on week.

We went to swimming when it suited us and enjoyed days out as and when.

Don't feel bad if your child doesn't want to do anything. Some children love extra curricular activities and some don't. Mine didn't after a long day at school (including breakfast club and after school club she was there for at least 10 hours a day).

All sounds quite pleasant tbh. I was definitely a 'doer' at that age and all years up to now. Now I like a quieter life. Maybe she will come across something she wants to try in the next few years or maybe not. Maybe she's a homebody. We can't all be the same. The most important thing is that she is fulfilled by whatever she IS spending her time doing.

I agree that for the majority a team sport can be fantastic. My eldest 14 has done ice hockey and football from age 4. He now just does football but as well as training and playing he now coaches. He loves it and plans to make a career from it. I cant even begin to explain how great this has been for him. He has had amazing coaches who have really helped shape who he is. Hes learnt how to win, lose, work hard, be disappointed, be resilient...

My younger child is 3 but has various disabilities. He goes to a football class that his brother helps coach. He cant manage to balance well enough to kick the ball yet but he loves the class. Hes learning even more than at nursery about how to interact with others. How to follow instructions and take turns etc

One of my older ones was similar and just content to come home and watch TV, never thought she’d have the energy for any extra curricular as always seems so tired . However then some friends and new Childminders children started asking if she wanted to go along to clubs they were doing and she ended up doing 4-5 things a week. It totally changed her, was happiest I’d seen her and suddenly had loads of energy

Are you not interested in exploring with your child whether she's interested or enjoys sport or dance or drama or music or anything like that? Schools have such limited budgets and so many demands on their time that you really have to look outside school to properly develop any of these skills.
Also, unless you have a particularly long journey to school or your child has a particular health need, I am sure they would be able to fit in at least one extra curricular on a week night. At that age, most classes are only 30'- 45 minutes

Yes I do feel a guilty now but there's still plenty of time if she wants to have a go at something, even if it's just one of the ones that school offer.

None of my DDs friends are sporty and she doesn't like PE so it never crossed her mind to do a sport. I signed her up for football because both her brothers were doing it. She didn't want to do it, but I told her she needed to give it a try, I was hoping it would help her be more confident and feel more positive about herself. First game she absolutely loved it, wants to do it year round and we do indoor and outdoor soccer now. Id rather stick with one type of football, but she's come out of her shell, its been great for her. Sometimes kids dont know they want to do something until they actually do it. Just because they dont ask doesn't mean they wouldn't love it.

If you are going to start any, you should probably consider quite carefully what she starts. School run ones will probably be fine. However, for gymnastics or dance outside of school she'd either need to find a group specifically for older beginners or she might find herself with the 4 year olds.

We've never done any but DD is autistic & wouldn’t tolerate it. As a child my sister & I never did but we had friends outside school (neighbours) which I think is important. Among my friends I’ve noticed most of their kids seem to do a range of activities in the week but know some that don’t because they’re too tired/ not motivated.

You can’t really wait for her to suggest it though, because she might not know what’s out there. Someone once described it to me as asking someone what they wanted to eat without giving them the menu.

You sort of need to do the thinking about the sort of things she likes, where she is in her life etc, and then try her out with some stuff.

I'm a sporty chicken so this is quite strange for me. But I know that it's all about what you're used to - my musical friend has an hour non negotiable instrument practice every morning for her children, which I'm just not used to, so it's just what you know. Anyway. For me, from 8yo - an hour a day of sport, whatever sport, was non negotiable for my dc. Choose what you like. I would prioritise it way over hw at 9yo.

Swimming - have you ever taken her before? Can she swim? If not, it might be worth taking her a bit first as she might be embarrassed to be put in with the 5 year olds - swimming is a sport, where they are put in with their own ability, rightly, rather than age.

Yes she has done these in holiday clubs based on sports or gymnastics etc but not as an extra curricular activity

I only ever did Brownies/Guides as a child in the evening (as a musician all activities and lessons took place in school time). I was probably grateful for not being dragged out during the week, I had time to do homework, eat and chill.

As an adult I have loads of hobbies and interests, so it didn’t matter that I had limited experience earlier in life.

Absolutely, I remember my mum enrolling me in clubs that I would never have thought of asking to join (didn’t even know they existed) but she just thought might suit me, I had a great time

My husband and I take her swimming she has not done lessons apart from the ones they do with school.

I'd say as an only that activities, one at least actually is quite important. It's good to be part of, and have to work as part of a team or a group, and understand where you fit in with needing to compromise. I have one child, and thats what I found. She was a pretty rigid rule follower, purely because when we play games, etc, I am too. Plus when there is only one child, there isn't any compromising- the answer to a question is either yes or no- I don't have to consider the feelings of another child, or what their interests or capabilities are, if my daughter asks to do something we either do, or don't because I don't want to/cant. I found that playing/ being in a team showed a little more nuance than the black and white it can be at home, and was useful for her. Mainly to learn about being and dealing with frustrations publicly.

Interesting to know this thanks. Similar to myself actually.