Sister getting married abroad demands children attend.

[Tiredbusymumof3]

My sister is getting married abroad. We've known for a coupe of years but full details and invite was only sent out 12 months ago. We started to look into after receiving invite, and to our surprise for me, oh & 3 children there were no cheaper packages than 4.5k for a week. Aroundcthe same time I found out my sister who's getting married was actually staying in an adult only hotel. At this point due to finances not been great I asked if she'd like just me and OH to stay at her hotel and attend without the children, she majorly kicked off and gave me an ultimatum, either we all go or she wanted none of us there. This hurt me but I overlooked this and booked despite knowing £600 a month installments would be a stretch. Around the time I booked my sister also sent my other sister a bridesmaid box asking her yo be bridesmaid. Again this hurt me, I never said I wasn't going was just exploring options and being the older sister thought I would be bridesmaid too. Especially as my sister getting married was also a bridesmaid at my wedding, both sisters were. I again overlooked this assuming that once I'd booked I'd also be bridesmaid. The wedding party is only 23 including us 5 and bride and groom so there's really no where yo hide and everyone else expect on my sisters side has a role. I've asked her reason and she's stated I shouldn't of asked if I should leave her nieces and nephew and thst she fave me a deadline to let her know by and I didn't let her know. I booked 8 months prior to wedding .. Also within this time frame I was setting a business up and graduating from uni, neither occasions did I get a well done or congratulations. I'm so upset and hurt and really do not feel I can justify spending the best part of 6k to go and spend one day seeing someone I see 3/4 times a year get married that dies not want me there and has gone out of there way to hurt me. I can cancel the trip for free currently. What would you do?

If you can do so and get your money back I would cancel
that being said I am quite petty 😅

You don't have to go. However if you do cancel you will be starting a large conflict with your sister. Can you not talk it out with her when it's just the two of you to resolve it all?

I would absolotley cancel.

"Dsis, when I saw you booked an adults only hotel, it made sense to me that me and dh come without the kids- then everyone can stay in the same hotel and we are not distracted with the children. You insisted that we all come or none of us come. Because of this, we are now declining the invitation - the cost and practicalities are greater than we can spare. If you change your mind on your ultimatum, and would still love me and dh to be there without the kids, let me know by the end of the month and we will book something"

She sounds a fucking nightmare tbh.

The sister obviously wasn't bothered about starting a conflict. She started all this!

Honestly? I wouldn’t go. Your sister sounds like an arsehole….

Just cite a broken boiler/another unexpected expense and cancel. Take yourself and your husband and children on a camping caravan holiday to make it sound plausible. UK has plenty of beautiful spots, hopefully you will be lucky with the weather

I would cancel, just tell her you can't afford it.

I'm not sure.

I wouldn't want to lose my sister without talking to her.

4500 for 5 people for a week is probably average? I've no idea but I priced for four and got about that.

Presumably if you are not in main hotel you are also on holiday.

If you only see her 3 or 4 times a year, I can see why you're not a bridesmaid. YANBU at all to not go though.

I don’t think you’d be unreasonable to cancel, but do you want to stoop to her level or do you want to mend the relationship? If you want the relationship then it sounds like you need to talk together one to one. Acknowledge that she was hurt, explain that wasn’t your intention, explain that you’ve been hurt. See if you can mend bridges rather than burning them.

I wouldn't go. It sounds lime she wants a drama. I wouldn't spend 6k and a weeks holiday giving her one.

Cancel, cancel, cancel. What is it with these Bridezillas? £600 a month for someone else's wedding? Fucking nuts.

Reading again, still a little confused but is everyone else an adult? Only children? Or is it those with children elsewhere?

Either way I just think forget all the he said she said, are the decision and stand by it. By what's ok for your family.

I have never ever done an abroad hen do for example. Mine was in a pub here, I wouldn't dream of asking others to pay anything.

My best friends was abroad, we are still best friends, just different choices

I would have cancelled already, obviously. Your sister is batshit and a world class entitled brat. She's a nightmare.

Also, please remember that noone can ever "demand" anything of you. Don't ever give in to emotional terrorism.

Don't go. Burn that bridge.

*make

There are so many threads around about friends and family getting married abroad

£4.5k to attend a wedding is nuts. The least she could do if she wanted you there was to pay for your accommodation. That's what we did (well, in England but I'm from abroad and all my family came from abroad + some of DH's relatives). They paid for their travel but we paid for their accommodation and full board incl all drinks.
I'd cancel. Fuck that, they're selfish CFs.

Cancel. It was one of the options offered.

Your sister sounds mean and unpleasant.

I'd cancel. 4.5k to attend a wedding is fucking ridiculous

I agree with the PP about these bridezillas booking extravagant weddings abroad and expecting people to pay big money to attend. It's totally selfish. It's their important day not anyone else's but these people don't think of others. Times are hard for everyone at the minute to even get by without adding that on

I wouldn’t call my sister “someone”, and the number of times I see her per year wouldn’t be a factor for me. I couldn’t fathom declining an invitation to my sister’s wedding. Some things you can’t take back.

That said, she’s being ridiculous expecting you to acquiesce to her “all or nothing”. You’re not her gimp, to do her bidding.

Just go by yourself for 3 nights. Cite costs (because it’s the truth). If she tells you she wants all of you or none of you, then tell her to fuck off.

The bridesmaid thing isn’t an issue imo. Bullet dodged, frankly.

Before cancelling I would present the option to your sister again that perhaps just you and your husband go, or even just you alone. If she rejects the idea again then none of you go. Explain that it's simply too expensive at £4.5K. Leave all of the other stuff out of the conversation - it's all hurtful to you but keep this just about the cost of attending as a family in case you want to build bridges afterwards.

What I would have done is say ' we'll all come but you'll have to pay the extra for the kids as we can't afford it'. What you do now, is cancel.

Come on OP. Big knickers.

I wouldn't have time for this level of nonsense. I would cancel. She's being ridiculous

Just say you can't afford it and since you are not part of the wedding it's not essential you are there, your thoughts will be with her and you look forward to celebrating with her when they get back to the UK. Maybe suggest a dinner you pay for with a lot of the family?