Sister getting married abroad demands children attend.

[Tiredbusymumof3]

My sister is getting married abroad. We've known for a coupe of years but full details and invite was only sent out 12 months ago. We started to look into after receiving invite, and to our surprise for me, oh & 3 children there were no cheaper packages than 4.5k for a week. Aroundcthe same time I found out my sister who's getting married was actually staying in an adult only hotel. At this point due to finances not been great I asked if she'd like just me and OH to stay at her hotel and attend without the children, she majorly kicked off and gave me an ultimatum, either we all go or she wanted none of us there. This hurt me but I overlooked this and booked despite knowing £600 a month installments would be a stretch. Around the time I booked my sister also sent my other sister a bridesmaid box asking her yo be bridesmaid. Again this hurt me, I never said I wasn't going was just exploring options and being the older sister thought I would be bridesmaid too. Especially as my sister getting married was also a bridesmaid at my wedding, both sisters were. I again overlooked this assuming that once I'd booked I'd also be bridesmaid. The wedding party is only 23 including us 5 and bride and groom so there's really no where yo hide and everyone else expect on my sisters side has a role. I've asked her reason and she's stated I shouldn't of asked if I should leave her nieces and nephew and thst she fave me a deadline to let her know by and I didn't let her know. I booked 8 months prior to wedding .. Also within this time frame I was setting a business up and graduating from uni, neither occasions did I get a well done or congratulations. I'm so upset and hurt and really do not feel I can justify spending the best part of 6k to go and spend one day seeing someone I see 3/4 times a year get married that dies not want me there and has gone out of there way to hurt me. I can cancel the trip for free currently. What would you do?

I'd cancel.

People must realise if you have a wedding abroad not everyone can make it, or does brains go out the window when a proposal happens?

No I would either go myself or not at all

Cancel

She's thrown the petrol on the bridge. Now you light it. Don't go. Ffs she's a bridezilla.

A lot money. I would have gone alone

This infuriates me. People get married abroad as it’s far far cheaper for them. But fuck the guests having to spend 5k to attend!!

Tbh, when she invited all your family it's pretty weird that you asked if she only wanted you and DH. Like you were trying to get her to uninvite your kids. It sounds like you've tried to be manipulative with her, she's seen straight through it and called you on it.

If you don't want to go to the wedding then don't go, but stop being dramatic about it.

Cancel.

She cares not a jot for your feelings. You might as well throw 6K on a bonfire, at least you won’t be jet lagged.

Honestly, why does she get to make demands on your time and family finances? She doesn’t sound a pleasant person.

Sounds like she wants you and your kids there for her photos, and to be able to say she had all her family there, but not that she's actually bothered about having your company on the day. If she was she'd marry at home, or if it had to be abroad, it wouldn't be an adults only hotel.

I'd tell her I couldn't afford to bring the whole family, but that you'll attend for a couple of days, and make sure your wider family know that you've offered that, in case she wants to make drama with the rest of your family.

She's incredibly presumptious to demand you all attend at a big financial and time cost.

I’d cancel. 5k for a wedding and being upset is definitely not worth it.

Where is the wedding? 4.5 k seems a lot ?
I would not cancel unless you want to be cut from your sister and some family members..
could your parents help with accommodation?
or your sister ? Maybe you should have a discussion and explain it is expensive with the kids

If you can cancel for free, I'd do that for sure.

Dear (ish) sis, I’d love to come to your wedding and see ve been so looking forward to it but we just can’t afford it so after much thought and trying to make it work(!) we’ve had to make the awful (!) decision to cancel - we could just about afford for me and dh to come, which we’d still love to do. The kids are devastated as we all are but we can’t wait to see the photos and will be with you in spirit. Love, sis

what do your parents think?

Usually people are upset about being unable to take the kids to weddings. She seems to love drama and is self absorbed so cancel but this will have consequences long term.

You're not looking forward to it. You're hurt over the bridesmaid thing. It's very expensive.

Cancel.

Tell her you've tried to make it work financially but it's sadly not possible. You'll be thinking of them both and will celebrate when they get back etc etc.

I wouldn't have booked in the first place, so if you can cancel without losing your money now, then I would.
It will cause a rift, but that rift has been caused by your sister choosing to get married in a place that it isn't easy for everyone to access, not by you pointing that out.

I would cancel.

I'd cancel the fuck out of that trip right now.

Your sister sounds like a prize wanker.

Imagine doing the same trip but without the wedding? Would you still want to go to that location with your extended family? If yes, then go regardless of how crazy sister is. If you’d only consider going to this place because of a family wedding and have no interest otherwise, then cancel.

The OP posted in January, I expect she’s made her decision by now.

I would cancel and fuck the consequences. Given the way the entitled brat has behaved thus far it would be no skin off my nose to be no contact with her. In fact, I'd actively welcome the reduction of drama.