50/50 when other parent works full time

[Mlewis90]

Hi!
My ex partner has requested 50/50 custody of our son. We have been separated for 6 years. He has been seeing him 1-2 nights per week since we split. My question is that if he were to have my son 50/50, he would be working the majority of the time and it would be his wife looking after my son. I don’t feel I should lose my time with my son for a step parent to have extra time with them. I have offered a compromise if an increase in time but not 50/50 but he has declined.
Had anyone been through similar? Not sure where I stand on this.
Thanks!

I agree step parents shouldn't be used as unpaid childcare if avoidable.

If going 50-50 meant losing say 20 quality hours with mum to get 3 hours with dad and 17 hours with step parent or childcare but not dad, it seems like an idea that doesn't benefit the child.

It has nothing to do with how good or bad the step parent is and everything to do with children spending more time with their parents.

He's his dad, him working full time is not a reason to refuse this request. Don't get me wrong, I reckon he is doing it to avoid CM (many dad's do, my ex tried this) but if he wanted to pursue it he has every right to.

50/50 is not ideal for kids.

It’s really for parents. I think it’s a great shame that adults needs are put as priority in front of children.

There is no evidence at all that 50/50 is better for kids relationships with either parent, and no evidence at all that it is better for their development and their needs. There is some evidence that it can be detrimental if parents are not highly cooperative and work well together.

Kids need stability, financial security, and as least conflict as possible when their parents split up. Everything, including time spent with either parent should be around this. And generally stability is with one main carer who is well financially supported with low conflict - this seems to be the best outcome for kids after divorce.

Which is common for mums so you should allow some respect for her position and her partners previous input

Meaning sleeping less then 5 hours post

How old is your ds and what does he want?

Something else which I don't think has been mentioned - if ex and stepmum are expecting a baby, they might quite reasonably want your son to have the chance to spend time with his new half sibling, bond with them etc. So I'm not sure that the argument that essentially 'only time with a parent counts as quality time and why waste it on a step-parent?' holds water either, really, because surely spending time with a new family member could also be seen this way?

How this reads to me.

You wanted x to help you and have more time with your son. He was not in a position to do this. He then got into a position where this was possible (wife on mat leave) and asked for 50/50. You then decided that that is not what you wanted. You are not happy with his partner providing care but more than happy for your own partner to provide care. You're being unreasonable.

What I am saying is why is it nasty to say that step parents cannot take care of a child like the mum can?. You are saying you don't want to take care of a child? Whereas the nastiness in that statement. Its true!

Hi,
im going through this now and would like to hear what happened in the end?
I could really do with some advice
thank you