Please help my mum guilt, how long do you see your kids after work?

[YetiSeven]

Returning to work early next month pretty much fuly time (4.5 days with leave) but due to where my job is based and the commute I have, I have to leave before LO wakes in the morning and will see them for maybe 2/3 when I get in from work depending on when they go to bed. Going from spending all day every day with them to three hours max a day seems horrifying to me. Please can any other working parents make me feel better about my self or more positive about the situation 😩 on the few test runs we have done LO has had a lovely day with care givers, and has then clung onto me a bit more than usual in the evening as to be expected but otherwise seems unaffected.

To add, there is no way to change circumstances it is what it is, looking for a hand hold 😅

On the days I go into the office (2× weekly) I see my youngest for about half an hour before bed. 2/3hes is quite a nice amount of time.

I agree that 2 or 3 hours is actually ok. I'm back at work from tomorrow and will likely literally get them back from nursery in time to do their bedtime routine. I'm feeling really sad too, it is tough, but I know they enjoy nursery so that helps a bit. And we need money to take care of them, so it's for their benefit too. But hard not to feel that this precious time is slipping away. Hopefully you'll find you value the time with them that much more rather than when you spend 24/7 with them.

I've had my child 60/40 since she was 18 months old. I've had many many days of feeling like shit but I make sure the time I do spend with her is good, and we have an amazing relationship and bond, she's now 6. So don't feel guilty for having to work, kids are resilient and you're still seeing yours a lot more than some

I get home from work at 6, bedtime is 7.30. It's not really quality time as it's mainly dinner/bath but we make up for it at the weekend.

I only go into the office twice a week but those days I’d say for 2.5-3 hours in between pick up from ASC to bedtime.

I’m back to work after DC2 next week. I’ll pick them up from nursery / ASC at 6, bedtime is currently 6.30 for both. Only that late 2 days a week but DH works way later. I might be able to escape for 5.30 some days but it’s not great.
Also considering not being a GP anymore for partly this reason!

2 or 3 hours is good!

I used to get mine up at 7 and be in nursery by 730 to 745 (they got breakfast in nursery). Pick up was at 6 then bed by 7-730. This was 4 days a week.

About 45mins in the morning but thats rusbing to get ready and off to school/nursery.

Usually 2hrs ish in the evening between 5-7 before putting them to bed

In the mornings we are up and out of the house in 20 minutes. On WFH days we get a few cuddles whilst I coax myself out of bed.
In the evenings I picked her up from nursery just before 6pm home about 10 past. Dinner then bedtime starts about 6.50 asleep by half 7
So not very long with her really. I have Wednesdays off with her and she's the priority and chores and life fits around her so we get the quality time there and eases the guilt that the other week days work comes first. Things like getting food shops delivered whilst she eats breakfast that sort of thing. I work from home 2-3 days a week so I try to make the most of lunchbreaks for chores so we have more time for my daughter at the weekends.

What time will your or your partner be picking up DC from childcare, and what age is DC?

2/3 hours sounds a long time. When our 2 DC were small would collect them at 6 from childminder, who provided tea, bed at 7.30 for the younger one and 8ish for the elder one.

Worked well til DC1 started school when there were v few DC in the after school club after 5.30pm and DC1 hated it. Was hard to leave work early enough to get there by 5.30.

the other worst bits were when DC2 was preschool kind of age, DC2 would often wake early in the morning and come downstairs and stand by the window with a v sad face when left for the commute!

Some days I don't see my five year old at all. I leave at 5.30am and often don't return until 7-8.00pm. I can do two or three days of that. At least when I work nights I see him in the morning briefly and for a couple of hours in the afternoon.

About an hour in the morning and an hour and a half in the evening.

The morning is the nicer time

Thank you all so much for your kind replies ❤️ solidarity really does make you feel better about these things. As a poster has said I will absolutely be making the most of the time I have with LO when I am home and on the weekends. I am lucky in DH or DGP will have LO from around 3pm ish on nursery days so they will be waiting for me when I get home. I now see I am luckier than some and will remind myself of that when it gets tough!

2-3h is great and they will have a nice balance of time with family and time with peers.

If it makes you feel better, when I work days I say goodbye to my kids on a Sunday night and see them again Thursday morning or say goodbye Thursday night and see them Monday morning!

Don't compare! Everyone's circumstances are different, what you do with your child in that 2-3 hours is what matters, you have to work so that's that.

I take my kids to school & occasionally the primary aged one goes to after school club, I work term time now but spent many years putting both of mine in summer camp. Holiday camps as I had to work.

That’s fantastic DC will be with your DP or grandparents!

Same. 2-3 hours is loads of time.

I'm full time and also have a fair commute. On the 3 days I'm in the office I see mine for about an hour before school and then a couple of hours after.

WFH days I'm in the house but not available to spend time with them until I officially finish. But as there's no commute I get a bit more time with them.

I try to give them my all at the weekend but it's exhausting as I pretty much never stop!

DD is 2.5yrs so still has a relatively early bedtime. I go into the office 2 x per week, and on those days, i get around 15mins in the morning and another 15mins with her when i get home if there are no transport delays. It sucks but it is the nature of living / working in London.

On my WFH days, i get about 45mins in the morning and a couple of hours at night.

It will be hard to start with, but you soon get into a good routine. DH and i are both in agreement about protecting family time at the weekend as much as possible to make up for the time lost during the week - we try and avoid softplays / playdates etc and focus on family time at home or outings as a family instead.

How sad you're in this position and I can't imagine the guilt driving some people to say two hours is a good amount of time. Surely this is just denial? Another sign of the times I think of how difficult life is for working mums.

Pretty much every working mum I know says they just can't wait to get their kids to bed so there's no quality time in those 2/3 hours.

Literally half an hour in the morning and an hour in the evening when I go into the office. WFH days a fair bit more.

I had to do this with both kids. Went back 4 days a week so only got back about 6.00.
I was very stressed. Literally almost in tears on the tube if it was late. Obsessively spent "family time" all weekends and holidays and all spare time....

I can say with hindsight that my children have no memory of this. They know they're loved. They were well cared for and happy. They were very sociable confident children joining school which has continued into later years.

They're 18 and 13 now and didn't even recognise their nursery when we drove past it recently. We have a great relationship and they're lovely people. I understand it's horrible for you and can still remember the feeling but please don't feel bad because you think it'll hurt the children.

I managed to keep my career when so many friends gave up. I'm the only woman out of an entire NCT class whose career has maintained the same trajectory - most are out of the workforce or went back years later in smaller roles. I've got a rewarding job, am financially stable with a good pension. These are all benefits for your child as well.

@Isthisexpected it’s not ‘sad’ for mothers to do paid work! There are practicalities, benefits and drawbacks, for the individual parent, partner and DC, with different situations.

You seem to be making (negative) assumptions about the emotions or reasons for the opinions of those of us whose situations and/or choices differ from yours.