Is this life…? PND or just life with young kids

[Shleepymummy]

Have two young children, 6 months and 2.5 year old. Life just seems to be- wake up, food, clean up, play/get out, food, clean up, kids nap, I clean/tidy/admin, play/get out, food, clean up, bathtime, bedtime. Everyday. I breastfeed so have to add that in how ever many times a day, get in the car, out the car, pram up, pram back in the car, go to shops, go to cafe. Husband and I spend our evening watching tv then bed. I’m up 1/2 times a night with the baby. Don’t get me wrong I take the kids to baby classes, try to see friends, try to do stuff at weekends but it’s mainly park, coffee shop, soft play. It’s all just very…..dull. Repetitive. There is no excitement or anything that perks me up. Ground hog day for what 4 years until school starts?!
Am I an absolute Scrooge, am I depressed? Or is this parenting young children?

I think it’s just life with young children to be honest. Sorry. (And I say that as someone who had very severe pnd with my first and was put on a dose of antidepressants they don’t even prescribe anymore). It does get easier as they get older. Any chance of a break - nursery, dh etc? You need to break things up a bit. But I do think a lot of it is just shit and Groundhog Day. It’s hard. 💐

thanks @Pigeonqueen, I’m sorry you were so poorly and had to go through that. Really tough.
To be honest I do get a break, DH has the kids at weekend
or will do bedtime if I want to get my
eyebrows waxed (lol), and toddler goes to nursery 2 days a week so it’s just me and baby then. In that sense I can’t moan, but I also just feel a bit ……low? A bit like, I’ll just get through this shit sleep patch, I’ll just get through potty training, I’ll just get through weaning, I’ll just get to the weekend….like I’m waiting for something amazing to then happen or to suddenly feel like it’s easy and blissful. And then the whole process is just on a loop

I think if you’re feeling low it won’t hurt to talk to your GP or health visitor about it. It’s far better to get treatment early if you feel it may be depression - my dc are 21 and 11 now so this was a long time ago for me but certainly don’t suffer in silence but equally take comfort in knowing that I think you’re far from alone in feeling stuck on a bit of a hamster wheel.

That’s just parenting young children. Pure slog! I recommend going back to work!

Yep, I totally relate to this. Mine are now 2 and 4 and it's finally starting to get better since my eldest started school. The 2 year old does 2 days in nursery now and I've started a business which has done wonders for my mental health.

Don't get me wrong, I wanted my babies SO much (IVF) and I know I'm incredibly lucky, but it is so boring spending all day prepping meals and cleaning up on repeat. I think it's the feeling of achieving absolutely nothing every day.

So my advice would be as much nursery as you can afford and find another focus on those days be it work or hobbies!

Up toddler's nursery hours when they turn 3.

Make a conscious effort to take breaks for yourself and do the things you love to do: swim, massage, long walk, meet up with friends, cinema?

Try to remember it will seem such a short period of time when you're looking back in years to come. Lean into the mundanity of many days with young children and try to dig it for what it is.

That's what I'm expecting once my baby is born (in 4 months). It's why I waited until now to start my family - I wanted to travel the world etc first then settle down to the monotony when older and quite frankly looking forward to it 😂

This is the worst stage. Mine are 2 and 4 now and it’s getting easier and more enjoyable. (And I’m not having anymore). Hang in there OP. This part is tough.

Totally normal I'm afraid, you just have to accept that it will be like this for a while. I filmed myself crawling under Ds2's highchair picking up pasta off the floor narrating my "groundhog day" experience of 3 times a day, picking up food off the floor but as he was my second and last I knew it wouldn't last forever. He turns 18 this year, I don't even know where the time went.

Normal. At least I hope it is because I feel exactly the same with a 3 yo and a 6 month old and I’m pretty certain I’m not depressed.

I think it's pretty normal to feel this way OP. Can you go back to work?!

I think it is just life with kids. I only have one 5 month old baby, and I barely get anything done except breastfeeding, playing with her and baby care etc with the odd trip to a baby class or to see a friend. You're doing amazingly with a toddler to look after too!! But it depends how you're feeling emotionally. My life is like Groundhog Day too but I feel pretty content about it, or accepting of it I guess. If you're feeling down or depressed it's definitely worth talking to your GP. Unless it's the January blues!

2 under 2 is such a slog… I now have a 5 and 3 year old and promise you in shouty letters….. IT DOES GET BETTER 🎉

I had my youngest during covid (23 month gap) and it was just like Groundhog Day for about 2 years (sorry!), but I recovered from the experience fully and I’m now expecting baby number 3.

The crux is that you have been parenting very young babies now for 2.5 years so you’re probably drained/fed up from it all!

Normal. Days are long but the years are short.

I bloody hate the park these days.

I only have one child so am managing to enjoy watching her develop at the moment but I imagine it's a lot harder with two. I just wondered what you used to enjoy before kids, is there any way of squeezing something in to look forward to during the week or to break up the monotony?

how were u feeling with parenting before you had the 6 month old?

Yes it's just life, but you can change it to a certain extent...can you take your children to things you get more enjoyment out of? Or meet your friends etc...

This might sound harsh and I don't mean it to, but do you enjoy spending time with your children? I really genuinely do love hanging out with my toddler (most days!) but I know there are plenty of parents that don't get a lot of enjoyment out of it and that's totally understandable. I know it's a cliche but they are only this little for a really short time.

Even though I love spending time with my DD I still absolutely can't wait to put her bed at the end of the day and I try to make sure I have something to look forward to in the evening, even if it's just something good to watch on tv or a nice glass of wine etc. Small things. I know it's not an exciting life but it's not forever. Being a parent is selfless and almost always thankless, but I'm sure you are bringing up great little humans to make it all worthwhile x

@Winnipeggy do you have other children beside your toddler? I do agree with you - I love spending time with my 3 yo, I find him fascinating and I find it easy. I also love spending time with my 6 month old and, even though I’m not a baby person, also find it relatively easy and he is exceptionally cute.

However, balancing both their needs simultaneously on my own is often an absolutely thankless task and one I find exponentially more difficult than managing them individually. Im spread too thin to get much enjoyment from both of them together, despite absolutely adoring their company individually. Maybe that’s me not being particularly good at this though, who knows.

Sounds v familiar, yes just life with young children I think. Compared to life before, it feels like your world is much smaller and things that you would have considered to be not that exciting before are now big trips out! Haha. I remember a quote something like the colour does come back to your life... its just hard when they are small. But if you are genuinely feeling low, worth seeing gp

Unfortunately it's just normal.

My girls are 3 & 6 and I still feel this way. Every day is just the same old shit. Every single thing I do is for them. Park, see their friends, swimming, parties, soft play, play games, attempt to tidy house, they mess the house up, tidy again, cook, clean, eat, sleep.

I hadn't actually struggled with this at all until recently. It's really getting quite old. My partner asks why I'm always grumpy. I just feel like I'm always waiting for them to go to bed so I can have a couple of hours to myself.

No it's just me and my toddler. I TOTALLY get that it must be so much harder with two. I'm currently trying for a second but often have guilt and doubts because I know it will mean spreading myself more thinly. So I totally empathise with you, it's a time of life just filled with crazy highs and lows, yet somehow mundane at the same time 🤷‍♀️ I'm sure you're doing an amazing job x

I don't think it's just parenting and I think it's worth seeing your GP about depression. Life with young children does get mundane but there's also so much joy in it and I like the rhythm of their daily routines. It's definitely harder trying to deal with 2 dcs under 3 and you spread yourself thinner. I had a larger age gap so I have a toddler with me most of the day, and an older child in school. It's hard when I have to look after them both on my own.

I have a regular routine of toddler classes and groups during the week, and weekends are filled with varying activities which gives us something to look forward to - shows, a new soft play or playground, a play cafe we've never been to, museums etc. Going to the same local places would feel like groundhog day so you have to keep changing things to make life interesting.

@drime im a mental health professional and there is nothing here to indicate depression.

We just weren't made to raise babies in this way.

I’m glad someone has commented. I felt like OP and did have PND and PNA.

It's just life with kids isn't it? I think when the youngest is 2.5 and you don't have to take a pram everywhere or worry about naps it gets a lot easier. I didn't like the baby stage at all it's so all consuming! It does get better but you have to look for those little moments of joy at the moment when you're so exhausted! And nap a lot , the naps saved my sanity 😂