4 year old tantruming when iPad taken away

[greenpjs]

I know it's my fault, he had far too much screen time. He's autistic and if he's been on it for too long, his behaviour starts to worsen. I've taken it off him but the tantrums are unreal, how do I get him to calm down? He's very limited understanding so there's no talking him out of it or reassuring. It's been half an hour now and the tears and screaming is still happening.

I've tried to not give in or pay attention to his screaming but it's not working. What else can I do?

My son is also autistic and I've had the same issues in the past
Try scheduling iPad time within a routine if your
Little one responds well to routine/structure
Try visual boards with times of iPad times and the rest of your daily routine.
Tell your little one how long he will have iPad for and give 10 minute and 5 minute warning before it has to be turned off.
Tell your little one what will happen after iPad time in advance, I'd try to have an activity to move on to, even if it's dinner time, shower time etc
Hope that helps

Get. Visual timer. Teach with short bursts. You need something good to have to replace the ipad

LIORQUE 60 Minute Visual Timer for Kids, Visual Countdown Timer Clock Kids Timer for Classroom Teaching Cooking, Pomodoro Timer with 'Rainbow' Pattern Design https://amzn.eu/d/i0iAWTn

You can download google family link - if this is an android tablet. It will be linked to your google account. You can lock it. I have a boy with Autism and this worked well. I can give you some reassurance. My boy heavily relies on the iPad when he was younger. He is 7 now. Still needs the iPad but I can get him off it much easier and move him on to other projects. Apple also has a similar feature.

My dc aren't ND but find screens extremely addictive. I do too.

Ive found i have to heavily restrict them but also understand there's a hierarchy of addictiveness.

Phones (worst)
Tablets
Computer monitor
Wall mounted tv (least bad - i make DC sit 3/4 metres away from it).

But also:

Games (worst)
Short content (you tube & clips you scroll)
Tv progs/films (least bad)

So to reduce useage i moved down the ladder. I now allow pretty much zero time on the phone and very little time playing games on the tablet - 20 mins once a week.

There's a cost in terms of my time - DC is v bright & craves stimulating activities. With less access to screens, they want me to engage them more, I have to be willing to play board games etc. I now offer clear deals. I will play board game x for one hour, then its lego/reading time until 4pm etc.

I have 2 ND kids. Their tablets (amazon kids) have always both had daily limits on. They have always accepted that when tablet has finished its finished because the tablet tells them and then doesn't work. They haven't yet worked out I can do that via my phone ! Its1.5 hours per day,my 8 year old is getting less interested in his but my 6 Yr old has ADHD and her tablet is about the only thing that calms her down, particularly after school as it provides a good level of stimulation for her as its sound,lights,colours and interactive.

My DS has no sense of time though. The numbers on a screen wouldn't mean anything to him

My son has asd he has set times during the day (1 hour week days and 2 hours weekend)

I'd use a timer or sand timer to help him understand.

Using a countdown, backed with an egg or sand timer, and having a cue card showing the next thing your DC can expect after the iPad helps with my friend's autistic child transition from one activity to the next.

I think time is a hard concept for a child to understand. Good luck OP!

I wouldn't limit the screen time, it's self soothing and educational and if it keeps him calm I don't see why you wouldn't want that for him.

I'd be tempted to 'cold turkey' it then - tell ds that the iPad is broken and then just don't give it back.

Will potentially be an astonishingly hard few weeks while you all learn to deal with not having it at all...

Yes and you get 4 year olds now watching YouTube videos and starting to talk in an annoying American accent 🤣 because they’re picking it up from what they watch!!
7 & 9 year olds, are banned from watching it now, they got some cheap imitation game things from Temu 🤣 that they play with

My sympathy with your situation.

I haven't read any background on screens for ND and can't speak to it. Many with personal experience seem to suggest they can help and have shared links.

But I will admit that screentime (in general, non ND) as a daily substitute babysitter is definitely the one parenting area I find myself being super judgey! iPads / phones out in restaurants seems like the start of a habit that will never go away. I understand that at the youngest ages there is nothing educational or stimulating about it, and it's at best neutral, but more likely at cost of other activities or interactions they are missing out on instead. Slightly better is doing the screen time with them, so they are interacting with you on the content. My anecdotal experience that put me off it also is of friends whose kids can't go to sleep without pad time, or even take a bath. One friend we visited had to have the actual TV on during every dinner for their toddler (which our kids obviously loved).

Somebody mentioned Coco Melon being addictive. I understand the makers literally film kids watching it, while having something distracting in the background. When the distraction works to draw attention of the kids, they recut / amend that scene to better hold their attention!

As the kids have got older we've caved to allow for some live ceebeebies on a weekend morning on the TV, so they can't binge one thing (avoiding the "just one more" request you otherwise get from streaming) and there's a mixture of more educational and live content and plain fun cartoons that support imaginative play (like spidey and friends) and they've usually had enough after not too long. We also have got a kids kindle for them to share on long flights or train journeys, where we would struggle to supply enough suitable colouring / games that would otherwise do for shorter situations like dinners.

Of course, no doubt in a couple years they'll be glued to screens all day like the rest of us.

Will absolutely be trying to keep them away from any kind of social media / feed type / YT / tiktok / insta for as long as possible, preferably until they are 18 :)

We have cheap Amazon tablets with their Kids software, 45 minutes allowed and a timer warns them when it will go off. They know the limit, there is a warning and they may ask for a bit more time they aren't cross when refused. Works well with my ND/ASD children

Have you got an Alexa? We do a timer on that, failing that, your phone?

Set a timer on it. My son isn't autistic, but he gets 1 hour after school and he knows when it's time times out, that's it. It does give him a warning when 10minutes left, 5 minutes left etc. He whinges for a second then goes and plays.
I think it's about establishing and holding firm on it every day.

Re: setting time limits.
What tablet does he have? If it's Amazon Kids, then you need to go to the parent dashboard and can set it there. If it's running on android/google you can download the family link app on your phone/tablet and set time limits there.

ASD child here. Screen time limits set directly on the device is only way to go.

My DC is older but I set the limits depending on how the task affected his behaviour. For us smaller the screen more addictive it was. Youtube is worst for changing the behaviour in our house. Games or watching a movie no where near as bad. So he is more restricted in access to YouTube then Netflix.

Also be aware if they are getting angry etc when you take the tablet away then it’s not regulating them. In some places parents of ASD kids seem to think screen time is best thing ever but for us we find behaviour and mood are negatively affected so in our house there is limits.

I agree. My (young) ND child finds it very regulating. They’re very musical and have severe communication difficulties, so they often learn new ways of communicating from their screen time and are able to focus on their special interests through the things they find on their iPad.

It’s also taught them a lot of things that we simply can’t teach because my child won’t often respond to anything we say. Explaining why they can’t have the iPad or that it’s shortly time to put it away wouldn’t work as they simply don’t have the communication skills to understand (thanks to being ND I’ll add, not because of screen time).

My child also spends a lot of time outdoors, is very active (and sensory seeking), loves crafts and anything related to movement or anything tactile. So when they’re calm and indoors, I have no issue with screen time.

I think it comes down to what is best for YOUR child. ND children are not and should not be treated like NT children (my NT children do not spend much time on screens). Also not all ND children are the same. Would your child understand why he can’t have a screen? Would he understand a countdown? Is there a reason he should be on the screen less? Does it help to regulate him? Is he partaking in enough physical / non-screen-related activities? It’s not a one size fits all issue and screens are not inherently bad, especially in a world that may already be confusing for a child.