MIL & SIL obsessed with ‘taking baby’

[Theicingonthecake]

AIBU? MIL and SIL have only ever asked to ‘take baby’ context: is our first ‘boy’ MIL only has girls as grandchildren and most of her spare time is already used up with the girls as they are older and SIL needs support with minding them when she works. The only time they’ve ever been around to my house with me present was when he was born, since then whenever they have spare time it’s ‘can we take baby on: specific date/day’. And, I might not necessarily be needing support that day, so I’ll say no you can’t take baby but you can come visit. Then.. nothing, once when baby was about 4 weeks MIL asked to take for two half hours (bare in mind doesn’t drive so I’d have to drop baby off) and I said no thanks it’s not for me I’d need to prep breast milk and pack bags, so if you let me know day and time in advance we can organise. Next time we were together she made a snarky comment to SIL like ‘oh X can have baby but needs time to ‘prepare’. It pissed me off no end tbh and since then im a bit like no - you can come see him but he’s not a doll or something you can just ‘take’ when you want.
Also wierds me out abit about wanting to ‘take’ why? Why not just come see him you know where we live you can call by? and a lot of the time DH goes around to MIL’s on a Saturday with baby for a few hours! SIL also offers to take - which I appreciate a bit more as she can drive and picks him up- but again doesn’t call in ever on days off? Will give days to DH and ask if she can take on any days.
Maybe I’m the issue/reason they don’t wish to pop by? But we seem to get along when we’re together - there’s no animosity But I get the vibe it’s more they don’t want me around when they’re with baby - which in itself seems odd?

These are flooding back now… i also asked my DM not to sing certain nursery rhymes to her before her nap was due because I thought they got her overexcited and she wouldn’t settle as easily 😂 god I am literally cringing remembering some of the stuff I said. I don’t know how they bit their tongues!

The trouble is, Guibhil, that OP isn't in that situation. Her mil never sees the baby when OP is there. Never. And poor OP is driving the baby to THEM!
It's wrong, it's not normal, it has to stop.
If they want to see the baby, they need to go to OP and STAY there for an hour or two.
OP I think your DH is part of the problem although he won't realise it. He has probably been having to please his mum and sister all his life, he's too enmeshed in the dynamic to see how wrong it is. It's his normal, it's all he has ever known from his family.

@Crikeyisthatthetime … oh we won’t even go there about the co-dependant relationship between DH and MIL.. that’s another thread title in itself 🤣🤞🏽It took for us to move farrrrr away (we’re home now) for him to realise it. And he’s better now, but disagrees with me about this - thinks I don’t like MIL and I’m attacking her. Which isn’t true I do like her just not how she’s approaching her relationship with me and grandson

@Guibhyl bless you, just sounds to me like a loving first time mum trying to do the best she could with what she had at the time! I’m sure you chilled out over time :) x

@Guibhyl you're hijacking the op's thread with your own pfb experiences.

Your experiences sound absolutely nothing like the op's.

Eh? I’m not hijacking it. I’m suggesting reasons why MIL and SIL might be so keen to have baby away from the OP. I said it might be because she’s coming across as anxious and a bit uptight when they’re around baby and so they don’t feel they can get to know baby with her there. I gave an example of my own similar behaviour (being anxious about the way other people hold the baby) and OP said she doesn’t get anxious about the way people hold the baby but she maybe is anxious over some things. I replied and said the way baby is held is just one example, it might be other things eg XYZ.

If it was just MIL or SIL behaving like this then you’d assume it’s their issue. But if both MIL and SIL are asking to have baby alone then perhaps it’s something about the way OP behaves with other people around her baby that makes them feel they don’t want to pop in and see baby when she is also there.

No. Mil and Sil are being intrusive and putting their needs way way above those of the baby or the op.

Don't blame the op for Mil and sil's weird behaviour.

And you're suggesting the op is behaving oddly like you did when she's doing nothing of the sort.

She;s not your mum but she is your baby's grandmother just like your mother is. No wonder your husband isn't happy if you are making out that his mother is the 2nd class grandmother.

I wonder if you will be on here in a few years moaning about your MIL favouring SILs children.

@Iwasafool thats not what I said - I said we have a diff relationship so it’s not the same for her to expect to have our baby alone as much as how she would have with her DD and DD’s babies. And no actually, quite the opposite, she exclaimed many times infront of SIL how overjoyed she was to ‘finally have a boy’ SIL only has girls.

So why wouldn't it be cool for her to treat all her GC the same?

@Iwasafool demanding him off me and basically grabbing out of my arms, asking for exclusive alone time without me around - not cool with me I’m afraid!

I wasn't commenting on that, I was commenting on your comments and your attitude to your baby's grandmother.

I wouldn't bother replying to Iwasafool.
It's like wrestling with a pig. You both get muddy and the pig enjoys it.

Being a grandmother doesn't give you the right to act like an pain in the arse.

Op, I think you've been really patient. Too patient perhaps.

Yep this. Boundary pushers will keep pushing and then make out you're crazy when you say no to something.

Your another one who wants to push the paternal grandmother into 2nd position. We see you.

No. It's not about first and second position. Are you 9?

It's about not accepting freakoid behaviour from weirdos.

… to be fair she’s put herself in this position by not coming to see him where he lives! Talk about attitudes I’d move mountains to spend time with my children’s children!

YANBU I think sometimes with babies and toddlers, it can be hard to bond with them when mum is around just because they feel most comfortable with their mother. I think this might be part of why they want to have the baby alone, but they need to realise that they’re being unreasonable. This is normal and there will be time for them to build a relationship when the baby is older.

I don’t understand why you left baby with your SIL for 5 hours previously. Poor baby!!

I don’t trust people who want “to take” baby, it means they don’t want to know baby first, don’t want to follow their routine and they don’t want to listen parents. So they don’t care about baby or helping parents at all.