14 year old has asked if he can have a drink?

[Pollydollydoodle]

Just this ^ he's asked if he could have one drink with the bells. I said no, but now thinking in the safety of family maybe it would be ok. Views? And what would you offer?
If we lived in Europe I know this wouldn't even be an issue!

All the evidence backs up the ‘kills joys’ on this thread, and there are specific risks around parents allowing teens to drink alcohol

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/31750959/

“Conclusions: Adolescents who were allowed to drink were more likely to have transitioned quickly from their first drink to consuming 5 or more drinks at 1 time and to drinking heavily 3 or more times in the past year. Given well-documented harms of adolescent heavy drinking, these results do not support the idea that parents allowing children to drink alcohol inoculates them against alcohol misuse.”

@LightSwerve I always thought the same. My husband and I only drink a small amount a few times a year. My son is 17 and drinks excessively and also smokes weed. We thought by setting a good example it would make him be sensible. Unfortunately all his friends parents drink a lot so peer pressure wins.

Yes. Much better to teach alcohol consumption in moderation with the family earlier than 18. Seems less of a temptation when they finally come of age.

Giving him a beer wouldn't have made any difference.

Peer pressure has won with him, yes. Hope he gets out the other side unscathed.

yes to one small glass after food and with the family

The evidence doesn't support you - encouraging children to drink normalises drinking.

When you say 'you will find' you're talking to me as if I don't have adult children, but I do.

But more important than anyone's anecdotes is the scientific research on a) alcohol impact on teen brains and b) the fact that encouraging early drinking leads to more drinking.

if he had been 13 it would have been a no

And we ended up fine, didn't we?!! 😆

This wouldn't be an issue in non MN world in this country either!

My two have been trying sips of my alcoholic drinks since about the age of 8. When I've discussed parenting about alcohol with friends, they all parented the same way.

DD has just returned from her night out. Sober as a judge and very happy after a good evening. None of her friends drink to excess.

DS is still out. He's likely to have a hangover in the morning, but it'll be his third hangover in his life. He's of the age where he's more than old enough to legally do so.

Culturally this generation of young adults are less into alcohol than those of us 40+.

Good heavens unclench! One drink with family at NY is not the slippery slope to being a raving alcoholic hahaha but banning it outright pushes kids to drink in private (and excessively once they legally can). Just look at American college students!

My 14 yo has an occasional drink on special occasions. He had a cider on Xmas day.

There is evidence from research - someone posted above - that supplying drinks early leads to more drinking not less.

Agree with @Tygertiger I wouldn’t allow it.

The whole “let them try with family from a young age” is successful in cultures where excessive drinking is not an issue. But that’s not the case in the Uk.

I just discovered my mum allowed my 14 year old a drink at a NYE party I’m not at. I’ve no issues with this in a safe environment with family and I know it will only have been one, However, my mum lied to me about it and said she’d had no alcohol. My slightly tipsy daughter admitted she’d had cider. Argh!

Yeah, fine

Bit of beer, glass of champers, drop of wine

I think it’s pretty impossible to do a proper trial into this, you obviously can’t test for each scenario in the same people and there are a lot of genetic and behavioural factors involved in alcohol abuse. Also in the trial linked what on earth does allowing access to alcohol mean- one drink on New Year’s Eve or allowing them to pick up a beer whenever they feel like it? The latter yes I’d agree is potentially going to have an undesirable effect on brain development and is setting up a bad habit and seems totally unnecessary. I do think it’s better that a young person has some experience of the effect of alcohol in a safe space eg at home before they start drinking in more risky environments like pubs/ parties.

I remember taking part in a wine tasting evening at my grandparents when I was 11 (30 years ago), only had a little taste of each. I was allowed a small drink on special occasions and have let my son have a small drink from age 14, he knew to ask before having a drink and never took anything from our drink cupboard. He turned 18 on Xmas eve and had his first night out New Years eve, I told him to be sensible and when I picked him up at 1.30pm he told me he'd had 3 pints and one vodka coke over 6.5 hours and soft drinks in between, he'd also eaten a pizza - personally I think he hasn't gone overboard as he hasn't been denied a drink until he turned 18.

OP, fair play to your 14yo for asking.....most would just drink it without asking.

Given the responses about teens and alcohol, assuming the French culture of giving children watered down wine with meals still exists, does France have a higher level of alcoholism in adults than other countries? Are there any other detrimental effects that can be evidenced as a result of the French approach?

I'd actually say that this is the more responsible way to introduce them to alcohol so that's it's not a big deal or exciting and something to binge on when older. I'm not saying that they will never get drunk because let's face it, we've all been there but honestly I think it would take the novelty away of rebelling.

I wouldn't.

Great that he's a 'good kid', but I still wouldn't offer him alcohol. He's 14.

Sorry there's a reason regardless of where a child drinks why we are told from what age it's legal. And what are you going to do if the child really enjoys it and decided to go do it at parks etc all because of your taster drink. I honestly can't believe the answers

Ermm... no there isn't. It's legal for a child to consume alcohol at home from the age of 5! The age restrictions are for buying / serving alcohol, not the consumption of it at home.

When I was at university, most of the first year students spent half their money on getting blind drink the first few weeks because so few of them had been able to "legally" consume alcohol freely. I, on the other hand, had had "taster drinks" and saw no point in drinking more than a couple.

Whatever the reason my behaviour was modeled on sensible drinking because my parents did so and allowed the occasional drink at home.

For me it’s the normalisation of using alcohol to celebrate and justifying it because lots of teenagers do or did or because it’s not illegal. If he asked to share a spliff would you consider it?

You know they’ll drink outside the home if they want to, right?