My weaning nightmare

[sunlover1123]

Hi all, have a nearly 8 month old DC.
I need to go back to work urgently due to cost of living crisis and a few of our bills going up in Jan.

DC since we started our weaning journey at 6 months has refused all and is choosing to be EBF.

I've got the Solid Starts app and Ella's kitchen weaning guide and am offering 2 Meals a day and nothing is even being tried. We get point blank refusing for baby led weaning or purées.
Yesterday as an example I gave scrambled egg on a tray to play with and not one piece was tried. Even when I tried to spoon it in.

The nursery have said they won't take him unless he can take a bottle, sippy cup or solids and I just want to in all honesty cry. I just feel like a shit parent.

DP has also tried this morning and again, no success with some baby porridge or a bottle of expressed milk. He tried spoon feeding and was met with a no,

My HV suggested I'm giving too much milk but DC is only fed to sleep now and so the feeds are well split out. The HV so far has been very FF focused and seems to just suggest starvation which I'm not sure if right?

Doom scrolling hasn't been my friend and I've read about a child who is still not eating solids at 15 months and I'm really starting to worry this will be me!

Motherhood for me has been a real challenge, right from the start of a horrific birth and I need advice.

Right now I'd happily pay for support.... does feeding support even exist?!l I'd happily move to FF bottles but DC refuses and I am shocked with the lack of support or guidance there is.... if you can pin point me in the right direction I'll be very glad!

Take a step back. It sounds like mealtimes are now stressed and pressured with you wanting baby to eat - even if you don’t think you show it, baby will pick up on this and resist eating!

Don’t spoonfeed. Just offer food when you eat, no pressure. Just leave baby to it. Don’t try and cajole/encourage/spoonfeed. Don’t stare at them (obviously keep an eye so they’re not going to choke).

Eventually they will try the food once they realise there is no spotlight on them.

From memory although my DD put stuff in her mouth she didn't actually eat an awful lot until much older, she was BF throughout the day on demand until I went back to work at around 10.5 months, at that point I just fed her before and after work and she was fine even though she still wasn't eating much, she made up for it with feeds in the night.

Does he drink water in any way?

we have two options. A high chair or a sit me up chair to feed in. Does it matter which one?

yes we obviously are stressed as the nursery won’t take our child and if I don’t go back to work our mortgage won’t get paid 😬

That’s a no as well. He likes the tum tum straw cup we got him but he just likes to play with it. No real drinking actually happens hence the nurseries recommendation not to take him yet

Maybe try with him sat on your lap so he can help himself to your plate? Have you tried offering water from an open cup?

Some of those sit me up chairs can be dangerous to feed in, it’s to do with the positioning of the child. Bumbo is one of the ones to avoid.

Yes, it matters. They need to be stable to eat - a high chair is the only safe and appropriate place for a baby to eat.

Sure, you’re stressed. But baby isn’t going to eat while you’re stressed, that’s just a fact. It’s too much pressure.

You also should be aware most 8/9/10 month old babies don’t eat a whole lot. Your expectations are too high.

DD1 didn’t really eat anything but a bite or two at each mealtime (sometimes not even that) until she was 13 months. Totally normal; milk is their main source of nutrition until they’re 1.

Are you also eating at the same time? I found my boys ate better when they were in their highchair at the table and we were all eating together and eating the same thing. Took a bit of pressure off (as I didn't feel the food was wasted if they didn't eat) and DH and I could eat and chat which made everything less focused on what the little one was eating (or not eating!) Sippy cup or an open cup (the doidy ones on an angle are good - though expect them to be drenched the first few times they use them) are good too
It's really tough though and added pressure of needing to prove it to nursery must be so hard. He will do it though.

**Sure, you’re stressed. But baby isn’t going to eat while you’re stressed, that’s just a fact. It’s too much pressure.

You also should be aware most 8/9/10 month old babies don’t eat a whole lot. Your expectations are too high**

I think this response is a bit unfair tbh. The pressure and the unrealistic expectations are coming from the nursery, not the OP. There are nurseries near me that take kids from as young as 3 months so they must be able to deal with weaning etc.

Will your child go to nursery for full days or half days? We started with half days for that reason so she could get by having a breastfeed just before and after (nursery was ok with that). It helped our daughter to see other kids feed at nursery. It's as if she then understood what she could/needed to do.
It's a very difficult situation to be in and we were followed by a pediatrician because of this. His advice was not to worry till one year old and not to put pressure on our daughter.
It worked out in the end but yes it's stressful. She's a wonderful eater now.

My (previously EBF) baby is coming up to 9 months and doesn't eat an awful lot. I don't think nursery can expect a baby of that age to be confidently eating solids, but I can see why they need a bottle or cup.

I'm lucky that my DS loved his cup from the start. We started at about 5.5 months with a tommee tippee sippy cup and a doidy open cup. I specifically chose a colour he likes (orange) so he was keen to hold it.

Getting him to have a bottle took a while. It was getting very stressful, so we took a step back. Just one bottle a day in the evening. We'd just let him have a bit in the living room, then put it down and read a book. Let him hold the bottle a bit more. Put it down sing a song. And so on. He started having more and more from the bottle, now he'll take the whole lot in one go. That's what worked for us, as we were getting stressed trying to get him to take it.

I know it's stressful, sending you good luck!

Its not the weaning that is the issue, its the fact the baby wont take a botyle.that coupled with no food means nutsery physically cant feed the baby.

OPyou need to focus more on bottles of milk, then the nursery will take them

Poor you, this sounds really stressful. The first year is so hard and weaning in particular is a drag in my experience. Baby will get there. I always find my kids eat much better at nursery than at home so it's likely that once he starts his eating will improve quickly. As PP said you just need to get him taking milk out of a bottle (or sippy cup - my DD never took a bottle but she was happy with a cup) and then nursery can help with the rest.

And yes you can pay for help. Many lactation consultants will give advice on bottle feeding too. As for weaning there are child nutritionists who can do consultations on zoom and maybe in person if you can find a local one. I spoke to one when my DS had problems with texture (he kept throwing up all over the high chair, it was very distressing and smelly!), she had lots of helpful words of advice and reassurance.

Good luck!

God the stress of it. My DS was a very slow starter. I see now that it didn't matter. My job was just to put food in front of him. If he didn't eat it, that's on him.😁

You can lead a horse to water....

So forget about the eating part for now. Just keep offering with zero expectations.

The bottle or sippy cup - just keep offering. Try different people offering. It might be that they take it at nursery but not for you.

I know it feels like the weight of the world on you. You are doing amazingly. You are doing all the right things. It's easy to say but try to just keep doing this without feeling that stress and pressure. If you get time can you do something for you. Reading, bathing, long walks, yoga, meditation... Whatever floats your boat. You sound like a very good mum who needs and deserves some focus on yourself.

I agree with others that the focus here should be on getting baby to take milk and not solids for now. Solids will come in time - milk is most important.

You should teach baby to use a cup - there are lots of different types out there and babies from 6 months can be taught to use a cup.

Don’t tell the nursery he’s not taking a bottle or eating solids. You need to go back to work and that’s that. It’s amazing what can happen when you aren’t there as an option and he might just take it fairly easily. He will get hungry eventually.

If you want to push it before he starts then you need to go out for a whole day and leave him with your DH and see what happens. And definitely stop stressing!

I’ve been a nanny and taken on several babies in this situation. Not going to lie, they normally cry a lot for the first few days but eventually everything works out. It has never taken more than a week for them to settle and start eating/drinking more.

This does sound very stressful for you. My friend had a similar situation with her ebf baby who wouldn't take a bottle/eat solids and she needed to return to work.

Firstly, I'd focus on the milk - at this stage, the solids are less important and will come with time. Are you able to have any settling sessions with nursery? Your baby may well use a cup when you are not there. Keep persevering with the cup.

With solids, keep offering but I think that will come with time. Maybe seeing other babies eat/use cups will encourage yours?

Meant to add ' although it's close, are there other childcare options you can look at that are more supportive with weaning?

A different nursery or childminder?

Thanks for this - I've just got in touch with a local nanny now as I didn't know what else I should do. Apparently the nurseries are meant to be looking after more children? Anyway they are oversubscribed here so they are weeding babies out that seem like too much hard work. I can't tell you how awfully sad it's made me feel that we are more 'difficult' than others

Thank you for your kind words, it's brought a tear to my eyes! I do feel like the weight of the world is on my shoulders, no one is willing to take him for obvious reasons that they don't want a wailing baby who won't eat or drink, I've just accepted that there isn't any down time for me.

I managed to have a bath alone this morning which was lovely and warm with my favourite bubbles and that cheered me up immensely.

I promise I really to try to get him to eat, I just put food down and sit with him and smile and eat. If he cries I pick him up. Same with the bottles and sippy cup. Like you said I just hope in time he picks it up

Thank you! That's what I needed I'll have a search locally for who can support 😊

I would just routinely sit baby in highchair while i eat my dinner alongside. Let her watch you and get use to the habit of meal times.

See if he/she starts trying to reach for your plate or gets nosy with your dinner. Then go from there.

My LO was on and off, i found she starting eating once she had some water. She would refuse, have a sip of water, lick the food, then once she had tasted it was happier to feed herself. But was like pulling teeth 😅 same with milk too...she never wanted anything 🥲

I also babyfy all my meals now, so at least if she refuses i will eat it haha

You can’t force baby to eat. He is still so young in his weaning journey, this is entirely normal and milk is his main source of nutrition until 1. Nothing is wrong with that.

The only things you have done wrong here are putting pressure on baby to eat (they will feel your stress and resist) and not teaching baby to use a cup, that’s a skill that should be taught from 6 months.

Your job as a parent is to offer food in a no stress, no pressure environment. What the child does with it after that is entirely up to them.

Try chips. The bigger and fatter the better. My mum suggested this to me and I was reluctant but it worked a treat. Some children don't like pureed foods at all and will want to eat unmushy food and also will want to feed themselves. You can also try cooked carrot sticks, bits of banana, bits of fruit, anything reasonably soft but not pureed, but start with chips.