My weaning nightmare

[sunlover1123]

Hi all, have a nearly 8 month old DC.
I need to go back to work urgently due to cost of living crisis and a few of our bills going up in Jan.

DC since we started our weaning journey at 6 months has refused all and is choosing to be EBF.

I've got the Solid Starts app and Ella's kitchen weaning guide and am offering 2 Meals a day and nothing is even being tried. We get point blank refusing for baby led weaning or purées.
Yesterday as an example I gave scrambled egg on a tray to play with and not one piece was tried. Even when I tried to spoon it in.

The nursery have said they won't take him unless he can take a bottle, sippy cup or solids and I just want to in all honesty cry. I just feel like a shit parent.

DP has also tried this morning and again, no success with some baby porridge or a bottle of expressed milk. He tried spoon feeding and was met with a no,

My HV suggested I'm giving too much milk but DC is only fed to sleep now and so the feeds are well split out. The HV so far has been very FF focused and seems to just suggest starvation which I'm not sure if right?

Doom scrolling hasn't been my friend and I've read about a child who is still not eating solids at 15 months and I'm really starting to worry this will be me!

Motherhood for me has been a real challenge, right from the start of a horrific birth and I need advice.

Right now I'd happily pay for support.... does feeding support even exist?!l I'd happily move to FF bottles but DC refuses and I am shocked with the lack of support or guidance there is.... if you can pin point me in the right direction I'll be very glad!

We've been trying a bottle since he was 3 months old with no success for milk.
From 5 months we tried an open cup such as doidy and now we are trying a straw cup.

We try this randomly whilst playing and at meal times. It's not easy for some us with babies who have refused. Have you had a baby who refused like this?

Thank you! Good suggestion I will try this. We tried hot dogs sliced today at lunch and it was torn into pieces and flung everywhere so definitely fun had haha! Not one mouthful tasted but I preserve with smiling and asking if it feels nice and is yummy 🤦‍♀️

The chip idea is great. We've got chicken for dinner so I can easily add this in 😊

I'll let you know it it works

Randomly? You need to be consistent, not haphazard about it.

Every single mealtime, three times a day, for months.

Not one cup randomly then three months later another cup randomly.

My ds went to nursery full time from 7mo. He was ebf and would not take a bottle at all. We tried all the recommended things. It took 3 days for him to decide he would take expressed milk from a bottle at nursery! Even then it was just a couple of ounces here and there but nursery were very good offering food as well. Never caused him a bother.
I would just feed him in the car when I picked him up.

Can you look at a different nursery that and would be more accommodating,maybe dont mention bottle refusal, maybe just say he isn't always keen?

You might find that once he realises that there is no other milk option he will sort himself out.

Like others, you need to step back from this. It's normal for them not to eat much (or anything really) at 8 months. Focus on getting him taking milk from a bottle then he will be fine at nursery regardless of food intake. Weaning must not be pressured, go at his pace, if he doesn't want food it doesn't matter. Just have regular mealtimes and offer different things on different days so he tries different tastes and textures. No pressure, if it's eaten great, if it's not doesn't matter. Eat with him and have fun at mealtimes. Avoid junk food (please don't give an 8 month old processed hot dog and chips), just normal nutritious whole foods. He will get there. The book 'my child won't eat' is great.

Assuming he's breast fed, for getting him on to the bottle the quickest and easiest way is for you to go out for a long day and leave him with your partner. He will have a tough day but they won't starve themselves and if you're not there the bottle is the only option.

You are a good mum, it is difficult, but it will get better.

@ReindeerShelter I think you’ve misread. DC has always had a cup with each Meal, three times a day. To add additional Learning he gets to randomly play with the cup at different times in the day during play. Sometimes it has water, sometimes it has milk etc.

You’ve clearly not got had issues with weaning or bottles before and so respectfully, please stop replying as you aren’t helpful.

My DD couldn't drink from a cup until about 8 months, she just didn't know how to suck because breastfeeding isn't sucking. Once she got the hang of it I was able to cut down breastfeeding quite quickly and she was fully weaned at 10 months. We tried lots of different cups and I had the best results with a cheap one that I could squeeze a bit. Do you think your DS can drink from a cup and just won't or do you think he can't yet?

I think in the stress of all of this your are looking too much externally for support and getting information overload which is stressing you more

Baby's and children adapt to the different circumstances they find themselves in. Although it may take a week or so for your child to settle in to a new routine.

Your child may well not be interested in food or a bottle at home but will once settled at nursery. Even if he doesnt have anything at nursery he will be fine, it's not the summer he won't be getting dehydrated, he isn't going without food for 24 hours and will make up for anything he hasn't had when you feed him when he gets home. It will be fine.

When I look back on Dd's early years and the things I stressed about as a new mum it makes me sad, it really does all work out ok in the end.

@UnbeatenMum thanks this gives me hope.
We’ve got a tum tum straw cup which he just loves but can’t seem to get his mouth round the straw properly. I think this would be his preference. The doidy open cup he can drink some if I’m holding but mostly goes down the bib. He hasn’t yet figured out how to hold it with both hands and tip without it going anywhere and the bottle he just chews or cries so I think this one will be the least to work.

if you have a link to the one that did work that would be very much appreciated. It might not work but I’ll give it a go :)

Have you tried the Tomy tippy sippy cup, they were everywhere when DD was small. It doesn't require any sucking they just need to tip it up

The Doidy cups are great but don't expect any real control over it for quite some time yet the wrist bones haven't even developed yet for that to happen (same for feeding themselves with cutlery)

DD was EBF and never took a bottle, the issue was me. As far as she was concerned why should she have a bottle of milk when she could have it straight from me, they can smell you from a mile off. When he is at nursery and you aren't there in that different scenario he is likely to take it. Have you left him with any one regularly so that he can learn a GParent etc? Not just as a one off but him learning the skill? If not try that but make yourself scarce

I had same experience with 8 month old. he wouldn't take milk however i had success with plain natural greek yoghurt. he also would drink water from cup with spout - cheap cup from sainsbury's. this was having tried multiple bottles/ cups

He refused all expressed breast milk/ formula . so basically just took water and yoghurt. and i went back to work full time

i too found it all incredibly stressful as likewise needed to work. might not have breastfed if id have known there would be such difficulty later down the line

@sunlover1123 I had a 3 pack from Asda which I don't think they make any more but this is the closest thing I could see online. The plastic is quite thin and there's no valve so it was easy to squeeze a bit into her mouth and then she kind of realised what it was and started sucking. https://amzn.eu/d/f7A4HOa

For the cups you might to try a few different ones, it tools us ages to find one my son understood how to use. Weirdly, he has always been really good at drinking from a free flow water bottle (I mean the small supermarket water bottle).

It's really a shame that nurseries aren't willing to support you here. Ours has been great to support weaning, and kids sometimes eat much better in a group setting than at home. My youngest refused bottles for her first month and they just kept trying, she was absolutely fine. We did shorter days, and she had milk before and after.

We have gone the spoonfed purees route and it worked fine for us. It did take a while for them to eat anything (3-4 weeks), very small quantities at a time (literally dipping the tip of the spoon only).

BLW didn't work at all, they were just playing with the food. We introduced finger food later on but they only picked it up around 10-12 months.
It's important that you find what works for you and your baby!

@sunlover1123 @Elfon

how did you get on?… has your little one started nursery?

we are ff but little one isn’t taking to solids he starts nursery the first week of May and we are feeling completely hopeless. We’re offering minimal plates of food and he seems to just be unhappy in his highchair so meals get ended pretyy try quickly the odd time he may show more comfort there but consumption is zero… struggling with what to do. Have attempted to feed on lap or bring him and his plate towards me and his lap…

@Elfon u mention being a nanny do these things improve at nursery? X

Hi @Seeema2902 we've had to postpone our place which I'm relieved about....I'll take annual leave as much as I can and we will cut back on anything non essential... if I have to sell the car I will do for a bit of £££. My little one is lovely and the daily smiles and laughs make it all worth it, currently his favourite toys are a red cherry Bakewell tart box and the tv remote :)

The nursery have said provided they can bottle feed or cup feed not an issue so please don't worry - they've said babies do progress with them well once they've got the hang of that and babies learn by watching each other. I'm actually pleased they were cautious, they are looking at things from a welfare perspective and considering I would be doing long hours it wouldn't be fair on baby.

We went to a local breastfeeding cafe and there was an infant feeding specialist there would you believe! And she was IBCLC qualified - spotted a sensory issue immediately and so we are speaking to the health visitor team tomorrow with a plan of action as his weight appears to have dropped...

He has a very strong gag reflex and had GERD as a baby and giving him medication everyday may have caused some difficulties too so they may recommend a speech and language therapist to do a swallow evaluation.
For anyone who just he was fine I am glad I didn't listen, I knew something was wrong as my brother has two boys and looking after them when weaning I never had these issues. The mum spider senses are always right aren't they?

I'll keep you posted with how he progresses... he'll get there but might just need a little extra help ;)

Good luck with your little one and do let us know how you get on.

Always trust your gut, usually right. Thank you for responding. We rang the HV yday just because I feel like I have no bearing with this. I’m trying but it does feel like a lot. I live in the hope that when he does go to nursery in May this will get better. My husband keeps saying remember he has two older brothers to watch and I do remind myself of this as he gets into toddlerhood he’s not always going to want me to feed him his bottle. He may not even have one and he’ll be more understanding. Right now, this space feels a lot.

please keep me posted on how you get on would love to follow progress.

sending love x