Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Original poster

Does not liking school?

32 replies

AmazingDayz · 19/12/2023 10:47

Can a child just not like school or does it mean that the child always have Sen? I can’t seem to get help for my child who doesn’t like school because it’s always insisted it’s a Sen thing but it isn’t, he doesn’t have any Sen and the school have said no Sen. But any time I speak to people they insist he must. I honestly don’t see him having any Sen, he is not autistic or adhd has no traits of either just really hates school and always has. Is it possible for a child to just not like school without having Sen? The advice I get is always for children with Sen and if I say he doesn’t have any I’m told he must.

OP posts:
Original poster
AmazingDayz · 20/12/2023 09:31

Just bumping this if anyone has advice as my 6 year old has now started refusing school the last few days making the mornings even harder as have 2 children not wanting to go posted for as nice and was told she probably has sen as well. Can NT child not want to go to school or always ND?

OP posts:
dulydone · 20/12/2023 09:32

Sorry I don't have any advice but trying to give you another bump. That sounds really tough

Jellycats4life · 20/12/2023 09:41

It’s a difficult question to answer because “not liking school” is very vague. What exactly don’t they like? Do they struggle with anxiety? Get overwhelmed by the noise and hustle and bustle? Do they struggle to socialise with other kids? Do they struggle academically?

Bearing all that in mind, a child who very very consistently hates school likely does have some degree of SEN or unmet need.

You say your child doesn’t have autism or ADHD, but (having ND kids myself, so I know this in my bones) most people, even many professionals, actually have very little understanding of how these conditions present, beyond some very narrow stereotypes.

My advice? If the school are suggesting strategies intended for SEN kids, why push against that? If they suggest taking things further, go with it. No good will come from insisting your child is fine, whilst year on year they hate school and get very little out of it.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General education General parenting SEN
Original poster
AmazingDayz · 20/12/2023 09:52

No sorry it’s not school they’ve been useless it’s online groups! I guess I’m more asking if it’s possible for a NT children to dislike school. I’m not saying he is fine I know he hates school just not sure why that immediately means sen.

OP posts:
Nicesalad · 20/12/2023 11:00

Yes of course it's possible for NT children to dislike school.

Singleandproud · 20/12/2023 11:06

People can dislike anything for all manner of reasons.

What you need to find out is why he doesn't like school. Fold a piece of paper 8 times and section it off so you have sections key parts of the day and get him to draw what his perfect school day would look like. From that you may be able to untangle what he needs.

I also wouldn't completely disregard the possibility of additional needs, there are many types which most people outside (and sometimes even inside) the education system are unfamiliar with. Regardless though have you actually tried any of the suggestions made to you? Whilst the may be intended for those with additional needs they will help those without just as well.

Original poster
AmazingDayz · 20/12/2023 23:21

Sorry to clarify the advice is not things I can try because they do not apply and only apply to children with Sen sorry I thought I made that clear in the post. The advice is to get him a ehcp, a diagnosis, or alternative provision. That’s not applicable as there is no Sen so I can’t take that advice. NT children don’t dislike school apparently.

OP posts:
Whereismycat · 20/12/2023 23:24

Op I would suggest joining the Facebook group ‘not fine in school’ for advice. Lots of neurotypical kids on there who don’t like school although many have anxiety/ have experienced bullying. I agree it’s important to disentangle what it is about school they don’t like. I’m NT & I never really liked school although I didn’t refuse to go.

Singleandproud · 20/12/2023 23:26

Then as I said find out why he doesn't like school. It is unusual for Primary school aged childre to dislike school if they have no other challenges so try my suggestion about drawing out his ideal school day and work out what it is he doesn't like. He won't have the vocabulary yet to breakdown his day to say exactly what he doesn't like so you'll have to help him.

Original poster
AmazingDayz · 20/12/2023 23:27

Whereismycat · 20/12/2023 23:24

Op I would suggest joining the Facebook group ‘not fine in school’ for advice. Lots of neurotypical kids on there who don’t like school although many have anxiety/ have experienced bullying. I agree it’s important to disentangle what it is about school they don’t like. I’m NT & I never really liked school although I didn’t refuse to go.

That’s the group I’m referring to 🙂 nope I can’t mention my child disliking school without being told he is obviously autistic

OP posts:
Whereismycat · 20/12/2023 23:29

Oh I see @AmazingDayz, sorry 😂. That’s a shame, I’m on the group & I feel like there are quite a few NT kids on there although they’re mostly older. I feel for you though, school refusal is a nightmare!

Original poster
AmazingDayz · 20/12/2023 23:30

Singleandproud · 20/12/2023 23:26

Then as I said find out why he doesn't like school. It is unusual for Primary school aged childre to dislike school if they have no other challenges so try my suggestion about drawing out his ideal school day and work out what it is he doesn't like. He won't have the vocabulary yet to breakdown his day to say exactly what he doesn't like so you'll have to help him.

He doesn’t like any aspect of it we’ve spoken about it. He hates the teachers, the children, the learning, how long the day is. He doesn’t even like play time or school trips. His ideal day would be going there for 1 hour and coming home that’s what he tells me, he said 2 days and 5 days off is what it should be (so the opposite of what it is now with only 2 days off) every time I pick him up from school the first thing he tells me is he hates school every single day

OP posts:
Original poster
AmazingDayz · 20/12/2023 23:31

Whereismycat · 20/12/2023 23:29

Oh I see @AmazingDayz, sorry 😂. That’s a shame, I’m on the group & I feel like there are quite a few NT kids on there although they’re mostly older. I feel for you though, school refusal is a nightmare!

Yes I also feel they are very quick to suggest home educating as I asked what can you do if a child hates school but home educating isn’t an option and loads of people kept asking me why it isn’t an option and didn’t seem satisfied with the response that I’m not in a position to home educate.

OP posts:
WaitingForMojo · 20/12/2023 23:34

The thing is, I’m not sure what advice you want. You don’t want to consider that he may have unmet needs. You don’t want to consider home Ed. The only thing left is to make him go where he is unhappy.

Numbersarefun · 20/12/2023 23:37

What about asking him what he would like to be doing instead? If it’s watching TV all day, then let him do so in the holidays with very little interaction from you. Are there things he would like to do, but can’t because he can’t read well enough or doesn’t know about.
Did you (and his Dad) like school? Are you enthusiastic about it?

Singleandproud · 20/12/2023 23:39

But why does he hate the teachers? Are they too loud etc. Why does he hate playtime? Does he get chance to play with the outdoor toys

Start some behaviour change, when he comes out of school ask him about three things he enjoyed today, one thing that made him excited, one thing that made him cross. Get him to start associating school with good emotions.

My teen DD also doesn't enjoy school and wishes that it was 2 days in and 5 days off however she is autistic but she loved Primary school

Original poster
AmazingDayz · 20/12/2023 23:43

I absolutely loved primary school. Secondary not as much but not something I mention to him but primary was great. He says the teachers are rude but that’s every single teacher is rude apparently. The advice I asked for was how I can get him to school on time because he is refusing to get dressed or out of bed every day and I can’t get him to school on time as he won’t get dressed or get up, I can’t drag him so I’m getting him to school late because he won’t cooperate, his school are obviously putting the pressure on and they are on at me every single day to get him in on time and threatening that I will “get into trouble” it’s also having a negative affect on my other child because she is late every day because of him. He also won’t sleep till late because he doesn’t want to go to school in the morning so I have problems getting him to sleep meaning he struggles to get up.

OP posts:
Singleandproud · 20/12/2023 23:49

Then if you are sure he does not have any additional needs (and many do not show up properly until secondary age) then you clearly tell him your expectations and sanction him when he doesn't meet them. You start to get ready earlier or you take him in his PJ's with his uniform in a bag.

I don't believe his extreme behaviour is remotely normal for his age and certainly is more than just " not liking" school. I would visit the GP and explain and ask for help. Going for an assessment or time with the ed psych maybe worth it to rule out various conditions but may flag up some you are unaware of.

MintJulia · 20/12/2023 23:51

OP, I think you need to help him be more specific.

Is it too noisy? Too crowded? It it that he doesn't like doing letters or numbers? Have you had his sight & hearing tested? Why does he not like his teacher - is she too bossy or shouty or something else?

What does he do at the weekend? What does he see as the alternative?

Is he used to doing exactly as he pleases, which might give rise to these feelings.

He may just have to learn to get along with school. My ds didn't like it much at first either but he soon got into it.

Do you praise him for his school drawings and when he learns a new thing? Do you sit & help him with phonics or numbers, to give him a bit of confidence? What is he interested in, that he coulld build in to a school project?

WaitingForMojo · 20/12/2023 23:56

That level of school anxiety does point to neurodivergence for me.

you could use reward charts etc. I wouldn’t, but if you’re certain it’s behavioural, you could.

School shouldn’t be putting pressure on. It’s completely counterproductive with EBSA.

MintJulia · 20/12/2023 23:59

My 5yo niece tried refusing to get dressed so my dsis put her in the car in her pjs and drove to school anyway. Dniece was so mortified at the thought of the other pupils seeing her in her pjs that she got changed in the car (my dsis had helpfully brought everything along in a bag). Dniece didn't try that again.

School is not negotiable at that age. He's 6. If you are sure there are no special needs, you get him up, take him to school, hand him over, collect him at 3pm, then praise him for doing his work. Give him a lovely tea as a reward then early to bed, ready for the next day. It isn't open for discussion.

FluffletheMeow · 20/12/2023 23:59

Well I hated school right from day 1, and did think it was normal to dream of 2 days on and 5 days off.
I was shy, didn't like getting up early, and the work was too easy and therefore boring. I don't think this is a uniquely SEN or even particularly unusual experience.
The times I was happier mostly came down to having better friends, or (less so) more interesting work.
Is his teacher worth talking to? I'd ask if there are any friendships worth cultivating or any bullying you're not aware of. See what is said and go from there?

mamma65432 · 21/12/2023 00:02

Could a different smaller school be an option?

Cornishclio · 21/12/2023 00:03

Maybe this particular school is not right for him. What does he see is the alternative if he doesn't go to school? What do his teachers say? I don't get why they are talking about diagnosis and ECHP if they don't think he has SEN. You say he doesn't want to go but is he able to learn once he gets there and it is just transitioning from home to school which is the problem? Can you get agreement from the school to bring him in late if he doesn't like the crowded playground? It may well be he has SEN if he struggles with mixing with other children and doesn't want to sit and learn in school. ASD can manifest in all sorts of ways.

Original poster
AmazingDayz · 21/12/2023 00:05

He is not 6 it’s my younger one who is 6 who it’s affecting. He is 9 in year 5. He has hated it since reception he has never ever liked school he use to scream the place down when I dropped him but they told me it would get better but it obviously hasn’t, I can’t take him in his PJs as we don’t drive and we get the bus to school. The weekends are no better as he spends all weekend telling me he hates school and he never wants to go back, it’s all he ever speaks about.

OP posts: