Does not liking school?

[AmazingDayz]

Can a child just not like school or does it mean that the child always have Sen? I can’t seem to get help for my child who doesn’t like school because it’s always insisted it’s a Sen thing but it isn’t, he doesn’t have any Sen and the school have said no Sen. But any time I speak to people they insist he must. I honestly don’t see him having any Sen, he is not autistic or adhd has no traits of either just really hates school and always has. Is it possible for a child to just not like school without having Sen? The advice I get is always for children with Sen and if I say he doesn’t have any I’m told he must.

Absolutely NT kids can dislike school and to be honest I wouldn't be taking advice around diagnosis from people who don't know your child!

My 6 year old is the same at times. I've had to drag him in under my arm him crying and me crying - but there was always and UNMET NEED behind this, it just took time to figure it out.

These times are:
Beginning of term
End of term
Anytime he's tired
He's missing me
He's missing home
He's feeling left out at school
Change of teachers

Our solution (& I had to suggest this to the teacher who was getting abit tetchy) was

• let the school know the extent of the issue and ask if you can put a plan into together to address it. If he's late he's late but at least he's in for the first part of the plan. Our school agreed to this
• he was allowed to choose a special toy, he chose a soft toy from home, to take everyday to bridge to gap between home and school. It provided safety and security and he was allowed to ha e it on his desk or lap as long as it didn't distract him from his work.
• they have a worry doll and a quiet corner in the classroom any child can use or go to
• each child has a little person to represent them and each more ring they put it into red/amber/green/blue pegs to show how they are feeling, it can change through the day and conversations around these feelings are had if consistently red for instance.

I did propose the first two things to school instead of waiting for them as there definately was an attitude of difficult behaviour rather than WHY the behaviour might he happening (I work with adults with complex/difficult behaviours so was super tuned to this attitude!).

We have honestly gone from getting him to school being a real problem to barely any problems in the space of about 8weeks! He just feels more in control and less stripped of his own coping mechanisms that he manages with it now even if he's feeling not quite 100%> At 6 they are still so young!

The other thing that helped was taking a football into school and this seems to have bridges a gap to enable him to play with lots of others from different classes and years in school so he feels a confidence boost there aswell.

Good luck, it's really hard but there are ways andeams if a plan is put in place xx

The school are not saying he has Sen the school have said no Sen I’ve even spoken to the senco, it’s other people telling me he must have Sen if he dislikes school. The school do not believe he has Sen. It isn’t the transition he wouldn’t care if he was late or not he just doesn’t want to be there. He also doesn’t want to change schools as I’ve asked him about it but it’s not the particular school he doesn’t like, he just wants to stay at home. I think changing schools now in year 5 would probably be a bad idea.

I think the poster asking what his ideal day is has good suggestions. Sure, he'd rather stay off. But if he HAD to go in what five things (or ten, the number isn't that important) would he like to change the most, and what would he charge them to. Ok, so all the staff are rude. Who is the least rude though, and what are they like? What does his teachers voice sound like when she speaks to the class. Does she speak like that when she's speaking to just one person or is it different? Who is the most noisy in the class, who would least hate sitting next to if he could choose.

It's possible that he is very sensisitive and in a really challenging class where the teacher is a bit frazzled. That could easily set a tone where he just doesn't like being there if there are no redeeming features such as friends or feeling like he fits in. But you do need to get to the bottom of it a bit more - is this a 'him' issue, or a circumstances issue. The latter can be changed (even a new school as a last resort). The former can be worked around but my feeling is that you need to understand what he's experiencing at a deeper level to know where to start.

To be honest it all sounds similar to PDA. Even if you are sure he isn't SEN, some of the PDA tactics may be helpful as he isn't responding to anything you've tried so far.

It really doesn't matter whether he has SEN as there obviously is some unresolved issues if he hates going to school even after 4 or 5 years.

Is he learning at school? Can he read and write? Is he bored or finding the work too challenging? Is there no subject he enjoys?

Does he have any friends either in school or out of school?

What does he do at home? Are you allowing him a lot of screen time and he would rather do that than go to school?

Is he outdoorsy and doesn't like being in a classroom?

Does he struggle to sit still and focus?

If you can answer those questions that might help pinpoint exactly why he hates it because the teachers are rude is not a reason. Does he follow instructions at home and is his behaviour otherwise ok? At 9 he should be able to articulate his reasons for not liking school.

You seem to be focusing on whether or not he has SEN when you should be focusing on why he is not engaged in his education. Maybe moving school should be considered as his current school don't seem to be helpful in helping you resolve this and if he hates going that won't magically change without a strategy formulated between you and his teacher.

My GD is ND and diagnosed with ASD with a PDA profile.(Pathological demand avoidance) She is 5 and not keen on school but has done better since moving to a smaller school with a strong focus on children's mental health. Check out PDA and see if he fits the profile.

What ARE the school doing then? If they are adamant he doesn't have SEN? Have they used EBSA with him / you?

https://schools.westsussex.gov.uk/Pages/Download/ef721f82-b333-414a-a2e8-11ac1712da7c/PageSectionDocuments

If you haven't seen this before, try doing the exercise across page 8 and 9. It should help identify push and pull factors around school.

Despite it being West Sussex, a large number of English LAs use the same documentation.

There aren't really strategies that only apply to children with SEN tbh. If a strategy works for a school refuser with ADHD, it may well work for a NT child - even among children with additional needs, not all strategies work for all children, they aren't a homogeneous group.

I found that a lot of the techniques I learned from my training in autism practice worked just as well with my NT child as my autistic one. Social stories and visual timetables are great for any kid who struggles with anxiety over social situations, expectations and transitions.

You do need to do some more forensic drilling down into what exactly upsets him about the school experience. A few sessions with a play therapist might help with that. Once you have some concrete issues to address, you can start trying strategies out that correspond to them; regardless of whether they come via the SEN community or not.