Firstly we are both in the wrong for it happening infront of my son and I feel absolutely shit about that.
My son wanted me to do bed time but I was busy with baby so my husband did it. He got really upset and screamed and screamed for me.
He has a 15 minute timer in which he gets stories, if he wastes time kicking off about something then he gets less stories before the timer goes off.
He spent the entire timer crying for me, crying for a toy etc. My husband gave him the toy (a light up bloody Marshall car!) and also let him have stories after his timer went off. After the stories we was just messing around with the toy, not going to sleep at all and I could hear my husband getting really cross at him. Speaking through gritted teeth, shouting at him to lie down now etc. Just clearly really pissed off with him. If we get angry it makes bedtimes so much worse. It has been going on for 1.5 hours by this point and it escalated to those two having an argument. I went in and said enoughs enough, you're arguing with a 4 year old, tap out. We have a deal made that if either of us lose it with him we tap out and the calm parent takes over.
I took over, I took the toy off him and laid down and said time for sleep. He asked for the toy back, I said we don't have toys in bed, he asked for more stories, I said the timer had gone off. He lost it, because I had taken away all of the things that my husband had given in on.
He needs consistency at bed time, there's always some push back but he's never still up arguing over an hour later, he was worse because my husband had been so inconsistent and aggressive.
I was talking to him totally calmly, and suddenly my son started screaming for his daddy back because he wanted the toy back. I was very calm but firm and said it's bed time. I fully believe if I'd been left to carry on he would of kicked off for a few minutes then realised that shit doesn't fly with me and given in.
Instead my husband came storming back in, shouting at me that I've made everything 100 times worse, he wasn't this upset before I took over (yes because he was dicking about with a toy). I said calmly leave me to it please. He's shouting at me to get out the bed now, don't make this worse, get out now. I tell him I'm fine and to leave me to it, he is getting so aggressive and shouting GET THE FUCK OUT. I just lost it at that point and climbed out of the bed, pushed past him and said to go fuck himself. He's terrible at swearing infront of the kids whereas I never do it so I'm pissed off that I did it too. He turned around and got in my face like oh there she is, go on then, get the fuck out. I was like why are you doing this? Look what you're doing in front of him. What an example is this. It was pitch black and I was talking with my arms and my phone in my hand caught his face and he started shouting "You just punched me in front of my son, you just punched me in the face in front of my son!!!" Repeatedly. My son was hysterical at this point, I walked out and could hear him comforting my son saying it's ok, she's gone, it's ok. As if I was some abusive bitch of a mother.
I'm shaking now. It should never of happened in-front or my son and I completely accept that and will never allow it to happen again, but am I in the wrong with the rest of it?!