To feel really deflated that adults dislike my lovely child

[Tootiredd]

Feeling really rubbish this morning. I have a DD 8, we’ve recently started to get the ball rolling on looking to get an ADHD diagnoses. She is fantastic, funny, kind but ultimately can be too much, doesn’t tend to have a filter, can come across cheeky and isn’t always aware of people speaking to her and ignores them, which if you didn’t know her you’d think she was being really rude. School, as it usually goes I’ve found, have 0 concerns but are happy to help me with this.

We moved to the neighbouring village 2 years ago and getting her to school was becoming a challenge, (20 min drive away, rural and I work in the opposite direction) so last year we changed schools to the village we are in now, which is way more convenient. I think this might have been the biggest mistake of my life. DD has grown up in a very small school where everyone knew her, parents loved her as they’d seen her grow up, it was very tight knit and lovely, however ofsted reports were always low and academically she really struggled. This new school is lovely too and she seems happy but I know she is struggling to make solid friendships and is still trying to ‘slot in’ to already close knit groups.

When she first started this new school instantly parents were all over me telling me that their child had gone home and said how lovely she was, the girls in the class’s mothers were adding me on social media and talking about play dates. I had a few of the girls round for a little tea party in the summer for her birthday and have had a couple of them over for play dates. to the point
DD made a little friend who lives a lane away from us and DD was invited to play, before this the parents were so keen to have her go round and were constantly getting in touch to arrange something, she has been round once and has been to the park with them and since then things have been really off. I overheard this girls parent ask another child from the class if she’d like to come play that day and the child was busy, girl then said to her parent ‘can DD come instead?’ To which the parent instantly said ‘no no not DD’. They walk past our house to go to school and DD used to walk up with them occasionally, this morning DD overheard friend say to her parent ‘can DD walk with us’ ‘no’ ‘but she’s right there’ ‘I don’t care come on’. DD was upset and I’m worried she will mention this to friend. DD is never invited to play dates anymore, yet this friend tends to alternate which friend comes to play and DD has noticed that she hasn’t had a ‘turn’. The whole situation just seems really off, at one point they were so keen for the girls to be friends outside of school and now it’s like something has happened. I’m absolutely not going to bring this up with the parents but wondered if anyone had any tips on how to approach it with DD? I don’t want her to be hurt or to feel unliked. Also any tips on how I can cope with this. I’ve spent the whole morning staring into space thinking about it and worrying.

People don’t like being honest though - I would do precisely nothing. Not every single school friend has to be a friend you have play dates with.

I’ve not had kids round again that weren’t a great mix - maybe your child brings out the hyper in their child and the whole thing was more hassle than they wanted?

I have two ND dc, and I’m always warning them against mind reading and overthinking. Keep going with the rewarding accepting relationships.

You could ask the other parents but personally I’d move on.

Perhaps your DD ran into the road or ran off ahead of the mum, maybe with the other child too?

I brought a child with my own DCs to Walmart (US) once to get the school supplies (we have to buy paper, notebooks, markers, pencils, etc). I had agreed to have him for the afternoon and had explained to the mum that I would be going to Walmart, but she hadn't told me he was a bolter who got very overstimulated in busy, brightly lit stores. We had to run to the customer service desk and put out an alert when he disappeared. He was found laying waste to the footwear section.

I think you need to ask how DD behaved when she was with the other child under the care of the mum, and tell her you're concerned DD may have ADHD.

I admit I glossed over the scary situation when handing the child back to his mother at 6pm, but I didn't have him back. He wasn't a friend of my own DC of the same age (different schools). His grandparents were neighbours of ours and he and his family visited the street frequently, so my DCs played outside in the backyard with him and his sister (who always kept a close eye on him).

My DS has ADHD and in his first school had lots of friends. At least, at school he did, but one mum in front of my child and hers told her child "yes we'll definitely ask X for a playdate" and took my number despite (I knew full well) not having any intention to ring me. The two boys were best of friends and when my DS had to leave that school he said "but I'll miss my hugs from Y!".

Because my DS can get a bit fixated he still remembers these friends and indeed those from nursery (he's 11). I also don't know how to handle it (and he's in specialist school and has no local friends, and only really problematic ones at his current school).