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Original poster

Should I take this to social services

54 replies

Confusedandhurt9 · 10/12/2023 23:02

my Ex and I are divorced. We have a 5.5 yr old daughter. Today I walked in on her positioning all her female Barbies around ken and touching him. I asked what she’s doing. She said she saw it in the video I’m sexy and I know it which daddy shows her before bed sometimes, where women are touching his chest and “private parts” (her words). She was very sheepish and didn’t want to say bc it’s wrong.

I am concerned he’s raising her already hypersexualised. Should I tell the school? I’m concerned about his parenting.

OP posts:
YNK · 10/12/2023 23:05

Phone Childrens Services immediately!

Exposing a child to adult material is child abuse!

Luckymummytoone · 10/12/2023 23:07

Yes and I’d stop all contact immediately. Sorry you’re going through this ❤️

AuntMarch · 10/12/2023 23:09

What's your relationship like with him?

My mind jumped to music video rather than porn.
While that video is not appropriate in my opinion, SO MANY music videos aren't, but without being restricted in any way.

If the relationship was civil enough I'd just tell him what happened and see what his reaction was.

Original poster
Confusedandhurt9 · 10/12/2023 23:10

We have a court order re contact after a custody battle so I need social services

OP posts:
FatFatMary · 10/12/2023 23:10

The music video ? I would talk to her dad about it. I had similar problems with ex and family letting DC watch inappropriate tv shows/ movies

Original poster
Confusedandhurt9 · 10/12/2023 23:10

It’s not civil

OP posts:
AuntMarch · 10/12/2023 23:18

That's a shame. Then yes, I'd probably go through school on this one to be on the safe side, unless you have a social worker you can contact directly.

Cocoalover · 10/12/2023 23:34

I've just watched the video, and wow. Men in revealing clothes (or lack of) shaking their junk? Not at all appropriate for a young child. Call social services immediately. The man must be sick in the head to want his 5-year-old daughter to see men shaking their bits around! Makes me wonder his motives. I wouldn't allow him unsupervised contact if you can help it

Cocoalover · 10/12/2023 23:39

Also, I don't see any women touching private parts in the video. So, has she been exposed to another inappropriate video?

TiptoeThroughTheToadstools · 10/12/2023 23:41

Report it to the police as well as social services

determinedtomakethiswork · 10/12/2023 23:41

That is incredibly worrying. Yes, I think you should report it in the morning

ComtesseDeSpair · 10/12/2023 23:46

I’d be amazed if your ex is specifically looking out a dated and fairly naff electro house music video to show to your 5-year-old at bedtime. I’m betting he’s got MTV or whatever on the TV in the background. Which arguably isn’t particularly appropriate but it’s not child abuse.

Chouette77 · 10/12/2023 23:49

I'd be worried. Why is he showing her before bed too? It sounds like grooming.

Milkybarsareonmeeeee · 10/12/2023 23:54

Im holding my breath reading this !
If it was my Dd she wouldn’t be going back. .

Who taught her the words “private parts “?
I don’t think I’d go to the school I’d go to social services and a lawyer

EdgarAllenRaven · 11/12/2023 00:09

As this video is so dated, it is quite odd that it just ‘happened to be on’ before bedtime….

CKL987 · 11/12/2023 00:21

My immediate thought is why is she watching this particular video so regularly? Is it to normalise in her mind certain types of touching. I'd be incredibly worried about what your ex is doing and why and definitely involve social services.

TheShellBeach · 11/12/2023 00:24

Who taught her the words “private parts “?

What do you think she should say?

instantick · 11/12/2023 01:07

yes go with your gut and cut all contact

Upyouranty · 11/12/2023 02:46

Agree with this sounds like possible grooming - also you need to tell your dd how proud you are of her and encourage her to gently that she can always talk to you about anything that makes her feel uncomfortable.

octoberfarm · 11/12/2023 03:15

I used to work in a role with mandated reporting and I can't overstate how important it is that you report this to social services first thing in the morning. If she phrased it exactly as you've posted it, it sounds much more like he is intentionally showing her an inappropriate video before bed and that it's happened more than once, rather than she just caught sight of a very old music video on MTV. I would also urgently reach out to the NSPCC hotline (0808 800 5000) to request advice on how to proceed. I'm so sorry you're dealing with this, OP. Best case scenario it's a misunderstanding, but it's so much better safe than sorry.

Bobtheamazinggingerdog · 11/12/2023 03:40

Those saying she needs to stop contact - she can't just do that as there is a court order. Also those saying report to social services- yes,definitely do that but social services can't override a court order and won't advise her to unless there is evidence of a criminal offence in which case they would ensure it was report to police and police would then step in, arrest and bail with conditions.
The best thing for OP to do is report to social services and let them speak to DD about it if they agree to do so and use the outcome of that (if it's indicative of abuse) to apply to court to stop contact, regardless of whether police get involved or not.

WandaWonder · 11/12/2023 04:05

If this is genuine and not an excuse to stop contact then call the police

momonpurpose · 11/12/2023 04:19

Upyouranty · 11/12/2023 02:46

Agree with this sounds like possible grooming - also you need to tell your dd how proud you are of her and encourage her to gently that she can always talk to you about anything that makes her feel uncomfortable.

I think this is great advice.

Dibbydoos · 11/12/2023 04:37

Is he grooming her?

FGS it's not normal at all.

Milkybarsareonmeeeee · 11/12/2023 08:17

TheShellBeach · 11/12/2023 00:24

Who taught her the words “private parts “?

What do you think she should say?

I was trying to get an understanding .
For instance I don’t think it’s how I’ve worded it with my Dd. about it being private and loads of other things but never “private parts “
Was it mums wording or not.