Should I take this to social services

[Confusedandhurt9]

my Ex and I are divorced. We have a 5.5 yr old daughter. Today I walked in on her positioning all her female Barbies around ken and touching him. I asked what she’s doing. She said she saw it in the video I’m sexy and I know it which daddy shows her before bed sometimes, where women are touching his chest and “private parts” (her words). She was very sheepish and didn’t want to say bc it’s wrong.

I am concerned he’s raising her already hypersexualised. Should I tell the school? I’m concerned about his parenting.

Courts don’t give a damn I’ve watched a female Mess round kids and the father for no reason just because she could .

No way would I send my child back you would have to be mad. Court order or not . Let the father take it back to court see how he gets on.

Very odd. It could be very innocent and it could be not at all innocent. Kids do tend to like catchy songs which are sometimes inappropriate- so either she has sung along to it so he's playing it for her or he is grooming her and being very manipulative. When you go to ss and complain he's playing a music video you will look a little unhinged even though the effect is inappropriate. My question is does he like to do things deliberately to create this dynamic?

OP could end up being arrested or having her child removed from her care for ignoring a court order.

Many many parents of young children will have used the words ´private parts’ - it’s the phrase used in the Pantasaurus Song for a start. It’s a non-explicit way to explain to small children which parts of their body (everything covered by underpants) are considered private and that no one should be asking to see them/touch them.

Could * in very extreme circumstances.
more likely the judge just give an order for the child to be returned within so many days. Or officers will collect child . Saying that I can’t see any judge doing that. You are allowed to withhold contact for reasons like OP has.
Have you herd of anyone going to jail for ignoring a court order for the child’s safety ?
I haven’t in fact I have no herd of anyone going to jail over a child’s access case

@Milkybarsareonmeeeee

The pantosaurus song. Definitely aimed at OP’s DD’s age group so even if OP hasn’t used that wording, other children may at school, or even teachers in a health lesson.

I definitely agree she should contact social services because it’s very odd to be showing a child that particular song while putting them to bed. I would want her to talk to some professionals to determine whether anything abusive had happened. And if it’s just a misunderstanding I would want legal/social services backup in telling ex his choice of background music is totally inappropriate.

@Bobtheamazinggingerdog thsi is all solicitors worst case scenarios the stuff they ar legally bound to tell you “could “ happen.
I can’t believe you are scaring the OP when she already has enough going on .
Talk about putting fear into someone for no reason

OP is within her rights to withhold access , court order or not.

Of course this is a huge red flag safe guarding thing. Social services today. Normalising if sexual behaviour in front of children is a precursor to abuse as children see it as normal. There is no reason to be shown this video before bed as part of a routine.
Just like a new partner loudltnhaving add so children can hear it, it makes it normal so when it happens to them they see it as normal

She's really not within her rights to withhold contact. She MUST do it properly which means she MUST apply to court. Yes those are worst case scenarios but advising anyone on mumsnet to ignore a court order is ALWAYS bad advice. She must do it properly.

She can’t just stop contact. It’s a contempt of court if there’s an order and it will make her look really bad. Tbh given all the many many many music videos that feature half naked men and women writhing around, what is so bad about this one? I don’t understand the people who say that OP shouldn’t let her see her dad. What about Rihanna singing about getting guys hard? Or that Megan Thee Stallion and Cardi B one? It’s hardly like he’s making her watch porn. I don’t think social services will be too concerned.
Also private parts is what loads of people say, including at school. It’s meant to teach them that they are private and not places that people should touch them.

She can if she feels the child is at risk .

I agree with you regarding the music video. However OP's daughter has also talked about watching videos of women touching his private parts. That's the bit that is worrying.

No she really can't. You don't seem to grasp how serious a court order is. You cannot summarily stop contact unless you've been told to do so by police or if you've made a new court application to vary the court order.

Call Children’s Services and ask to speak to a Social Worker. They will know what you should do.

Exactly, and the last thing OP needs right now is for SS to dismiss what she is saying as "parental alienation", she could lose her child and see her placed permanently in dad's care, it does happen.

I can’t seem to grasp? I grasp it pretty well .
it seems that we have all had different life experience on this matter

Im more concerned the OP sends her child because the advice is she will go to jail
Just wow!

I won’t be taking part in anymore of this .

OP I hope today goes well

I agree with you regarding the music video. However OP's daughter has also talked about watching videos of women touching his private parts. That's the bit that is worrying.

That's not how I read the OP. It said that the dad lets her watch I’m sexy and I know it and that in that video, women touch the man’s private parts (although I don’t think that’s actually the case from a quick glance at YouTube). Not that there is another video(s) that she watches. My DSD watches Taylor Swift, Rihanna and Katy Perry videos and I’m sure her mum could if she wanted to spin them as being hideously inappropriate (although I actually think the Rihanna ones are, and the lyrics). It’s so far from being a social services matter. They will tell the OP to naff off and she will look unhinged, not to mention if she also then breached a court order.

The little girl has indicated that it has happened more than once, just before bed, that is weird and concerning! Have you seen the video? Men are literally in tiny pants shaking their bits around. That's a disgusting thing to show your 5 year old daughter and just before bed? The little girl also stated that she saw women touching men's private parts, but if you've seen the video, you'll see that no women do such a thing, so where has she seen that? Why are you minimising something so disturbing? Social services will most certainly be concerned, especially as she has been using her dolls to inappropriately touch each other!

Im more concerned the OP sends her child because the advice is she will go to jail Just wow!

You don’t think it’s even remotely an overreaction to her dad having let her watch a marginally inappropriate music video on YouTube? If you do, then millions of kids would be removed from their parents. You clearly know nothing about the legal process and the status of court orders. Your advice was dangerous and totally unwarranted.

The OP should ask a qualified social worker about this. Squabbling between posters who think they are right, isn’t helping.

The little girl has indicated that it has happened more than once, just before bed, that is weird and concerning! Have you seen the video? Men are literally in tiny pants shaking their bits around. That's a disgusting thing to show your 5 year old daughter and just before bed? The little girl also stated that she saw women touching men's private parts, but if you've seen the video, you'll see that no women do such a thing, so where has she seen that? Why are you minimising something so disturbing? Social services will most certainly be concerned, especially as she has been using her dolls to inappropriately touch each other!

Yeah I’ve seen it. It’s not great but it’s not the worst (they’re in swim trunks) and I don’t think social services would be remotely interested. As for the using dolls to touch each other (it didn’t say inappropriately necessarily), that’s pretty normal and doesn’t indicate abuse. Idk why the daughter said something about touching private parts when it’s not in the video but that statement alone is not proof of anything untoward as she seemed to say that it was in the music video (so presumably was mistaken or embellished).

my guess is she likes the song and her dad lets her watch the video sometimes, maybe as a reward for her getting ready for bed. Perhaps he shouldn’t but it’s not in the realm of social services involvement.

I read this this morning and have been thinking about it since.

I'm a teacher and one of the absolute red flags for abuse is oversexualised behaviour from your children. Your child is exhibiting this.

This must be reported to social services.

I'm so glad that you're not the parent of the little girl. The poor kid wouldn't be taken seriously! My friend is a social worker, I've shown her this post this morning, and this absolutely warrants a report to ss.

im sorry but that’s not oversexualised behaviour. You can’t just breach a court order because your child watched a music video.

Will you just shut up? Your level of defensiveness is a little suspicious now. You're either the man in question or you're a sicko. Go away