AIBU for not letting my mil/fil watch baby when I go back to work?

[Firsttimemama01]

So hear me out before replying guys. As possessive and annoying my PIL have been since I had my son (11M now) I have always encouraged a relationship between them. I go over alot and invite them too, i sit back and only take baby off anyone if he's crying or is clearly asking for mummy. Every other instance I let them enjoy.
DH and his siblings grew up very differently to me and whilst I try not to judge I can't help it. They refused home cooked meals and were always given junk food (crisps chocolate) for dinner instead because MIL 'felt sorry for them' . They also drunk fizzy pop in milk bottles as toddlers 😳 I made it very clear DS is not to be this way and have introduced him to some incredible healthy foods and he has loved them all. I've noticed MIL always dangles junk food infront of DS CONSTANTLY. I've mentioned I don't like this for 5 months now but it's never ending and she always tells DS awww grandma would give you it but mummy's says no. Sometimes DS cries as candyfloss etc looks appealing to him and I take it away and she says 'look you made him cry' . Anyways I said no to childcare from her but still continue our normal visits with me there, but she found out I leave DS with my boundary accepting mother she was incredibly upset. DH explained to her why but she said she was playing with her grandson and wouldn't feed him that stuff till he's older. Lol. DH told me he eats healthily now and him and his siblings survived just fine so she should get him once a week. My mother messages me befofe feeding him anything as she knows some things upset his tummy etc. I would prefer her to be the only childcare option.
FIL is also a smoker and kisses DS on the face straight after a cigarette which puts me off even more. AIBU?

I’m with you OP

YANBU, at all

Wouldn't have allowed a smoker to look after ours

That's it. 11 months is still a baby. Mine hadn't tasted chocolate yet at that age, it just wasn't necessary at all, especially when so many infants will happily eat most things at that stage. My son is 2 now and loves chocolate and ice cream etc like all toddlers but still hasn't had fizzy drinks and I won't be in any rush to introduce them.

You don't sound like a b. All your concerns are understandable. Taking your own food could be a good compromise - then you'll know exactly what he has.

My grandparents were my primary child care. My grandparents showed affection with sweets and over ate most of their adult lives to cope with the loss of a child. My mother as a consequence was messed up with food and starved us. Going between to two situations messed with the heads of me and my sister and all of us had eating disorders as a consequence. I was really young when I knew what "don't tell mum" meant and finding shame in food I have eaten and hiding that I have eaten is part of my day to day life at 35. That said if my grandparents had followed my mum's lead that would have been just as bad as learning that eating is bad and should only be done if you are "really hungry" was poor too.

If they want to be entrusted to move from grandparent to the privileged position of child care provider they need to know that on child care days they are parental figures. At the weekends they can be grandparents with age appropriate treats. Cotton candy is not!

Thankfully my daughter has allergies and reflux and it means everything goes past me. I leave safe treats at my parents and they ask before offering her them. They understand that here diet is a fine balancing act

Not unreasonable at all.

I have none of those issues with family members and still use paid childcare because I simply didn't want to mix family with childcare when working.