Working mums… Is it always like this?

[KeepingItReal2017]

Is it always hard, regardless of your job, hours or kids ages, to be a working mum?

for context - I didn’t return to work (teaching) after my maternity leave & was happily a sahm through to my 2nd child, all in all Almost 4.5 years.

Then with 2 small kids staggering school and nursery I worked 3 days a week, from home in an admin based role. It was cruisy and I enjoyed having my lunch hour to myself as well as another focus.

I’ve changed jobs & im in a workplace 4 days a week, term time only, short days. I can drop the kids, pick them up and have a day off with my child.

but it’s nonstop rush rush rush.

I thought I was onto a golden ticket with the hours… but the work is dull, a little stressful at times & terrible pay.

But there is nothing else! Do I quit and be a sahm for another few years. Or, am I stuck? Or is this just normal for working mums and I need to stfu.

I have no time for myself, no time to exercise and I feel grumpy and cranky.

please be kind. I know I’m lucky to have a job, kids and term time only. But it’s all feeling too much,

The rushing about from pillar to post is horrible. I can see why term time only is useful but if you can, I think you should consider getting a CM who does after school pick ups and kids' tea and extend your hours to full days, on the days you work. Although you will still be on a deadline to get the kids from the CM, it will be a less chopped up day.

In my opinion the worst thing about working while having kids is that thing of always being on the verge of being late for something, these artificially chopped blocks of time that make you feel as if you are always cutting off what you have not quite finished doing to rush off and do a half arsed job of something else. It's miserable and I would honestly say that it has long term affected my mental health. If you can get your DH to do some pick ups then do because it's a horrible way to live, to be like that all the time, and if you can avoid it or share it, you should.

We shared parenting (and everything else) equally so that spread the load.

Pre-Covid had a cleaner and that was great. Now both wfh so loads of flexibility

Nonetheless it's more tiring when they are younger and gets better once they are at school.

Yes. My kids are now 15&17 and i work 13 hours shifts. On days i feel guilty they have to get themselves up and to school and college and do their own dinner. On nights i feel guilty they are home alone. They dont care. I do though. Theres no other parent to share the load with though so i dont have a choice really. But the guilt is still there even though they are bigger and don't care

I totally get you. I worked 2 days a week since maternity leave, but for the last month due to various reasons I've gone up to 4. I absolutely hate it. Don't get time for my child, don't get to be there when he wants hugs, don't get to organize the housework (husband doesn't either!), and in general just not what I want to do.

I'm going back to 2 days in the new year and I can't wait. The extra money is good, but for me it's not worth being this miserable. I want to be with my son.

I returned from mat leave on to sick leave and then did a phased return. To figure out what working pattern worked for my health I did various combinations of 3 and 4 day weeks to work out what it could manage with respect to my health and juggling my daughter. I cannot work more than 2 days in a row. So I do 4 days taking off Wednesday. I do 1 day in the office one week (Tuesday) and two days the following week (usually Monday and Tuesday). The rest is at home. This is more of a disability adjustment as I can't cope with the social interactions and the longer day with the commute.

My day off in the middle is all about me and my daughter and I try to avoid taxing chores. Putting a wash on, sorting the dishwasher out and having a shop delivered is the usual to do list. I try to do tidying during my lunch break and cleaning is left for the weekend.

To keep the week as streamlined as possible on a Sunday night I pack my daughters nursery bag with enough spare clothes for the week. I pack her bag for Wednesday as we go out most of the time and lay out her clothes for Monday and Tuesday. On a Tuesday I lay out her clothes for Wednesday -friday. When pushed I can get out the house in the morning in less than 20 minutes!

You arent stuck because it's not forever. I did 'mum' jobs, low paid term time only whilst DD was at Primary. It was better for my mental health and pension for me to be working. Once she moved to Secondary I changed industries and upped my hours to a normal year long role in a position that is enjoyable, challenging but not stressful and my overall family stresses are less too as DD is older and fairly self-sufficient.

No stage in life is forever, doing what works for you now is important as is adapting as your needs change.

If you can afford to be a SAHM and enjoy it, definitely do that! I think most people only go back to work because they have to for financial reasons or they don't want to be a SAHM

What would you enjoy more OP?
Theres no embarrassment or shame in wanting and being able to be a SAHM- you don’t have to work just to say you work if you have a supportive husband who isn’t creating any financial issues for you.

As for working with kids- yes it’s always hectic. You can make time for friends, admin and gym if you have a good routine, a supportive partner and don’t allow that guilt to creep in. Eg. Gym on weekend mornings and 1 night a week.

Strikes me that you have the worst of both worlds. You have a job you don’t love, that feels mismatched to your abilities and doesn’t pay very well. And, you have the stress of working.

For me the stress of working was only worth it if it was a big enough job. Otherwise a the positives (pay, promotion, success, recognition) didn’t outweigh the negatives (extra cost and stress)

I found it doubly difficult because I worked NHS shift patterns - 12 hour-long days, weekends, nights, and bank holidays including Christmas Day. As we both worked full time the only way we managed it was by hiring a nanny ( Mon-Friday 8-6 ) and a cleaner twice a week.

All out-of-hours and weekend cover fell on my husband but he is mega-organised. In fact the kids saw a lot more of him growing up than they ever did of me, sadly.

I feel the same. I tell myself it's life with young kids and it'll get better in a few (10+) years 🤯

My kids are similar ages (6 and 4) and I am a bit surprised I am finding this parenting window so hard to navigate. I thought 2 and a newborn would be the toughest!

I feel like I am sort of stuck in a weird in between time. Youngest starts school next year (Scotland), which means I'm still doing two drop offs/pick ups to nursery and school and need the flexibility workwise. But on the other hand, I'm starting to lift my head up a bit career-wise after the tiny baby stage and feeling somewhat constrained on the job front. Mentally the ambition is creeping back in and I'm wanting to go for the next level on the career path, but also surveying the chaos of day to day managing our current setup and wondering how on earth I could do it. (Would help if the school didn't constantly change all their dates for things and then send comms out at the last min! 😡)

@trytopullyoursocksup that feeling of being about to be late perfectly sums up being a working mum for me. I'm always rushing from one thing to another and often feel like I do a half job of everything as a result.

Can you build in time to your schedule? If you had to leave at 7:30 you’d be out earlier so not having to leave until 8:30? gives you a fair bit of extra time in the morning. Could you make it your mission to get something done before you leave e.g washing up done, quick tidy or tea in slow cooker? Then when you get in with the children they could have a snack and a bit of tv and you could use that time to relax before you do anything else? Or take some time in the morning.

Im out at 7:30 and back rarely as early as 4, usually closer to 5. I feel exhausted!

Sorry, it came up as similar threads, thought it was part of active!

I was a SAHM for 6 years and was due to start back in my job after my career break ended in Feb this year... i quit and started studying to be an acupuncturist in September 2023. During my time as a SAHM i completed a number of free business courses through the Open University, I became a Breastfeeding Peer Support Volunteer with my local Trust, a member of the parent panel with a Northern Irish National Radio channel and became a qualified Doula. My time as a SAHM opened my eyes to so many opportunities outside of what i did (studied computer science in uni, was a manager in the NICS). Ultimately I have always wanted to work around my kids which I can still do, they are my world. Their wee faces are my motivation to keep on keeping on. I miss my time as a SAHM, I LOVED being at home with my babies.

Think outside the box and take chances, life is too short to have regrets or feel crap 💪😊

I have 3 DC at 3 different schools, I work at another full time. I'm a single parent, so I have to work to pay the bills.

If I didn't I wouldn't... I don't think that the children need to see you role modelling working now, maybe later when they're both getting themselves to and from school (my oldest 2 walk themselves) you'll want to start back up.

If your earnings aren't vital, cut yourself some slack I'd say.

Being a mum is hard whatever your circumstances. You just have to make the right choices for you and your family to do the best you can.