Working mums… Is it always like this?

[KeepingItReal2017]

Is it always hard, regardless of your job, hours or kids ages, to be a working mum?

for context - I didn’t return to work (teaching) after my maternity leave & was happily a sahm through to my 2nd child, all in all Almost 4.5 years.

Then with 2 small kids staggering school and nursery I worked 3 days a week, from home in an admin based role. It was cruisy and I enjoyed having my lunch hour to myself as well as another focus.

I’ve changed jobs & im in a workplace 4 days a week, term time only, short days. I can drop the kids, pick them up and have a day off with my child.

but it’s nonstop rush rush rush.

I thought I was onto a golden ticket with the hours… but the work is dull, a little stressful at times & terrible pay.

But there is nothing else! Do I quit and be a sahm for another few years. Or, am I stuck? Or is this just normal for working mums and I need to stfu.

I have no time for myself, no time to exercise and I feel grumpy and cranky.

please be kind. I know I’m lucky to have a job, kids and term time only. But it’s all feeling too much,

How old are your kids and how much help is your DH? Those are factors which make it okay or shit.

We have weeks where everything is chaotically busy, and other weeks where we are much less busy at work. It helps that both of our jobs are flexible and we are senior enough to dictate our own schedule. I think school hours only is a bit duff because you rush to finish work and then go straight into school pickup/clubs and chores.

I get how you feel OP and don’t think I actually have an answer!
I’ve just return to a full time but flexible role (can do the school run no problem) after being a sahm for 2 years and I wish I could still be a sahm.

The extra money is nice but like you I’m constantly rushing and feel like I’m not doing as well as I want to being a mum, an employ and the house is slowly falling apart.

Hoping someone comes along with some answers!

Thanks for the reply. 3 & 6. DH is helpful, present when he can, always on weekends, and always does bedtime with me (and sometimes bathtime). But he has a very busy, exec role so at certain times of the year (like now!) he’s working later. The mornings always fall to me. As do the 3pm pick ups.

I think that the reality of school hours is the permanent rush. I do love seeing my DD to and from school every day, that’s special. But the rush that comes with it isn’t all that. I’ve got no headspace.

we don’t need my wages financially as it’s a pittance and DH earns a lot, but I thought Working would be good for my mental health and to role model to the kids.

currently feel like I’m failing at mum life and have a lowly entry level job despite experience and education (masters, teaching and a degree - not really being used now!!).

Oh my goodness, I could have posted this myself!

I haven't a clue what to tell you but I 100% empathise. I haven’t a clue how to balance it all and am constantly frazzled and exhausted. I have contemplated handing in my notice several times this month...

When did you start your job? If it was recent, give it some time to settle. A new routine is always difficult at first, you may find yourself into the swing of things soon.

If you want to work then I'd stick with it.

I have four mkds. Initially went back two days a week and it was totallY manageable. Then I went up to three and it was at the edge of being ok. Now I do four and it’s chaos. Wish I hadn’t agreed to it.

I think there is definitely three days a week’s
work in running a home and everything that goes with it if you have more than one child.

I work a similar pattern but not TTO. I sometimes feel like it's the worst of both worlds. My job can be quite stressful at times and could easily fill a full-time role, and after school is a mix of cranky kids or shuttling them to clubs whilst simultaneously sorting dinner.

I think you should give it a bit more time though, come the school holidays, you'll be really glad you don't have to sort childcare.

Can you change jobs? It needs to feel worth the effort. It doesn’t sound like this is, for you.

Thank you. It’s been 3 months. I’ve also only had 1 week off during the October half term, so maybe the Xmas break will let me refocus & appreciate the ease of holidays aligning with the kids.

sometimes I just want to get into bed and ignore everyone.

when any slight inconvenience happens at work I think - F it. It’s not worth it.

this month the difference in childcare costs and my salary was £100…

Why don’t you get a better job that fulfils you and pays better? Most people don’t have to have a job that’s only term time/ short days.

I think a satisfying job helps. We are both full time (Dh is on a months parental leave now though and it is so much easier!!) in busy jobs, so he leaves at 6am and I get 3 dc up and out to school and childcare, work, he picks them up and does dinner then we rush around to various activities. I go to the gym/exercise classes after 8pm although I do have evening meetings. It’s pretty chaotic, evenings are busy tidying and cooking and folding washing, the 1yo often doesn’t go to bed either. I hope it gets easier as more of them are at school 😆but, my job is great. Very satisfying, we both earn well, although not the amounts that would make our mortgage and childcare costs seem easy manageable. If I hated my job I’d hate my whole chaotic life.

Childcare costs are temporary and it sounds like your DH can more than cover it.

Try and think long term, can you progress at all in this job? If you are really unhappy, it might be worth considering a role that fulfills you and pays better but maybe with more childcare.

It will always feel a bit manic. I'm a lone parent and work full time out the house. We get back at 7.30/8pm each night and it's just straight to bed. I haven't sat on my sofa for five days.

It gets easier when they are both at primary, as at least they are in the same place! I also find it easier to work in a “harder”/bigger job as at least it feels mentally rewarding and stimulating, and is good for my career, rather than just a job, if you see what I mean?

I also don’t romanticise pick up from school; mine have been happy to go to after school club so it’s not a hardship. We don’t use morning and after school care though - that would feel like too much.

If you are working and doing all of the rushing around after children, then it’s important to carve out time for yourself. Can you get a morning a week when your youngest is in nursery? Working + rushing around after school and doing chores is far harder than just working FT in the knowledge that your kids will be at home when you finish work, and someone has held the fort until you get home, so you don’t have the stress of being on time someplace.

Thank you.

The job itself doesn’t lend to much natural progression but it’s within a school that I would like to teach in. I’m holding out for the kids being older and me then managing the before school / after school childcare better - ie, kids being happy to be dropped at brekkie club at 7.50am so I can run to teach a class etc..

maybe I’m overthinking it and kids being at brekkie clubs etc are more of the norm than I imagine. I think I have a warped view as my mum was a sahm for ages so I have no experience of childcare in my own childhood. Incidentally she took a degree and a new career as we were teens, but that feels too long away for me to wait for something I’m engaged with.

I trained to teach when mine were in reception.

They loved breakfast and after school club.

Much better jam on the toast apparently!

(I did feed them I promise you)

There's absolutely nothing wrong with breakfast club/after school club, they are used by many children.

Don't forget that you are allowed to find happiness and fulfillment outside of motherhood.

Given you don't need to work which is a position many mothers aren't in, things don't sound all that bad. I'd always encourage women to keep one foot in the workplace (if they aren't independently affluent), for reasons beyond the financial.

Your set up sounds though you don't need to put yourself through the madrush of always running from pillar to post and back again without a break, so would an option be to pursue work in a way that works for you. When you take into account your background, interests, hobbies and skills - is there a path you could pursue that gives you the best of both worlds?

It is tough but I have one child and get a couple of hours to myself every evening, often the housework is the neglected thing. It’s the mental load that gets me and I would not want to juggle things with another child.

You need to get your ass back into teaching! There is no other career that works so well with children! You're off when they are - that's just priceless compared to other working mums!! Plus you finish earlier in the evening.

Sure you may need to use some childcare. Trust me, my adult kids who were in childcare are indistinguishable to those who had a SAHM. My best SAHM friend is filled with regrets now she is in her 50s, has had to take shittily paid jobs, and with feck all pension due to the 20 years she took out of the workplace and one of her kids treats her like shit!

I’m in teaching but further education and I don’t find it easy at all tbh and my kids are all in school. I am v grateful to have holidays off with my dcs though.
I think a lot of people have family support to back them up which makes a huge difference. We have had zero and still have zero. I also have 3 dcs but they are older than yours op so 7, 9, 12. I work until pick up (the afterschool has no space 3 years running …..) and I’m off all the holidays .
I used to work freelance teaching online which was much more relaxing (had more time off to exercise , so bits around the house etc) but it paid peanuts ! So I’m back teaching up until pick up and some evenings too and it’s v v tiring tbh …. I really like my job but lots of admin outside of teaching . It’s not like other jobs where you can take a day’s annual leave or take have time off during the week. The sahm who have all kids in school have a fab life, I know what it’s like to drop the kids off then have time to do stuff , house is cleaner , more of that work done so doesn’t have to be done at the weekend etc , less stress 💯. I’m having doubts tbh but always believed better to have a job in case etc etc but life is also short .. people keep saying it gets easier but my kids are all in school and it isn’t tbh

I reduced my hours so that I could do pick up and drop offs. It was a huge mistake!

I'm now unfulfilled at work and run around non-stop doing 2 separate pick ups and drop offs each day.

Full time with childcare was easier.

It's exhausting and yes life is a constant rush and there are never enough hours, but I wouldn't say it makes me unhappy? I'm glad to provide for my child, glad to be progressing my career, glad she gets the social opportunity to spend time and develop with others. Sounds like your job might be the issue here. Equally nothing wrong with being a SAHM if that is your preference.

Can you not do part time teaching? Or train to be a literacy assessor? Or run a baby class franchise? Or do mornings in a nursery? Or tutor online? Or teach English as a foreign language during school hours?

Tbh I always imagined this was just being a parent. I've only had mat leaves and worked in between but I felt I was rushing around or stressed for much of both those periods anyway, I can't say I'm any more stressed working. In fact often the opposite as have had some very low stress jobs (although like you very low paid and doesn't align with my educational background).