Losing my mind, health and job through lack of sleep

[Pleasehelpimexhausted]

Please help me. Im currently sat crying at the dining table listening to yet another one of DS’s screaming fits. He’s 9 months and has not slept since 4 months when he had a sleep regression and basically never went back to sleeping. The longest he has slept since then is 4 hours but that has only been on a handful of occasions. The rest of the time it’s been every 2 hours or more, he’s up at 4 or 5am and doesn’t sleep after that. He screams and screams and screams at bedtime/naps and just won’t settle.

I’m so exhausted I feel like I’m losing my mind. I’ve left 2 pans to boil dry in the last few weeks. My memory is so bad I’m calling people the wrong name. I’m so exhausted I’m catching all of my older child’s bugs and am constantly run down with mouth ulcers. I’m supposed to be studying for a work exam but at this rate I will fail and lose my job.

To pre empt a few questions he’s EBF, has 3 meals a day, has weaned really well and when he’s awake he’s a happy smily baby. I have no concerns about his development it’s just the sleep. His naps are hit and miss, sometimes he will nap for 2 hours, other times 20 minutes. He’s had a cold for 2 months (with a 4 day break in the middle so back to back colds) which isn’t helping. DP is here but he works very long hours and on top of that he deals with DC1, the dog and housework so he’s doing his fair share. He’s tried taking DS at weekends but he will just scream and scream for me; sometimes for hours.

I honestly feel like I will never sleep again, I love DS but I feel so drained physically and emotionally the thought of 1 more day of this is soul destroying.

Please help.

OP i feel for you, i had awful sleepers- it is brutal

Are the children in childcare during the day whilst you work/ study? If so i would call in sick and just stay home and sleep whilst they are in childcare. It may not help the bigger issue but might give you some respite now.

Otherwise i think you need to get your DP to take the kids and dog out all day on the weekend or go to a hotel and sleep for a day. Baby might cry a bit - their dad will cope for 1 day.

Maybe not popular, but I would absolutely stop bf.

Thank you for the replies. DC1 goes to school (she’s in reception), DS is starting with a childminder in January 2 days a week so I can study. This will be upped to 4 when I go back to work in March. At this rate I will sleep those days away and do little else with them.

I would have stopped bfing months ago but DS is CMPA. There is formula but it’s on prescription and if it doesn’t improve the sleep then I can add sterilising and making up bottles to my never ending list of things to do. My current plan is to wait until 10-11 months then give him Alpro 1+ milk a couple of months early. Not ideal I know but I am desperate.

I just don’t understand why he won’t sleep. At 3 months old he slept 12 hours with 1 wake up.

Blissful Baby sleep expert, Lisa Clegg. Pay for her online phone support, she is worth her weight in gold and will have your son sleeping through in a few nights! We used her when my daughter was 5.5m old and I recommend her to everyone, she’s fantastic’

If DS is cmpa are you cutting both dairy and soya from your diet? Babies which have cmpa are often allergic to soya. It'll take a few weeks to leave your system.

What are his naps like?

Are you feeding at each wake up?

No help with the sleep I'm afraid (mine was similar).

Re the job: can you go to the GP and tell them you are ill with exhaustion (you are) and get a sick note to delay the exam?

My youngest woke hourly for her first 11 months of life and I was truly in the depths of despair. Nearly had a mental health crisis. It's hard

My CMPA baby developed an egg allergy at almost one. So it maybe worth looking at other foods. Not easy when you’re getting no sleep though to think things through.
if you child proof a bedroom will he allow you to sleep whilst he plays or lays next to you. That’s what I ended up doing.
Also worth taking vitamins and trying to get everyone some fresh air every day.

If you are sure he isn't in pain and it isn't related to his allergy, I would absolutely sleep train. You can't continue like this.

DH needs to continue to take him at the weekend and if he cries, he cries. The more it happens, the more he'll get used to it.

My heart goes out to you, I've been there and it's utter torture. It gets better is all I can add.

(I didn't sleep train, listening to more screaming was not helpful to me. I did co-sleep, use a dummy and go to bed the second he did)

Just on the bottle thing – CMPA milk is often made with cold water so is a doddle to make up. Also my HV told me to stop worrying about sterilising at 6 months, just stick the bottles in the dishwasher! They’re weaned and licking everything anyway. Just speaking as someone else who nearly collapsed from the horrors of a non-sleeping allergy baby.

DS was exactly the same. Slept amazingly from birth until 11 weeks old, I felt like I'd won the baby lottery. Then it started, up every 1-2 hours all night every night. I resorted to co-sleeping, which helped a bit. Unfortunately, the frequent waking didn't start to tail off until 18 months. It's brutal OP, you have my sympathies. Could you afford to put him in childcare more than 2 days from Jan? If you can, I would.

I had a very similar experience with my CMPA first. I’d second the poster who asked if you’ve cut both that and soya from your diet completely. The medical literature often says that it doesn’t pass into breast milk but it absolutely does and if he is very sensitive that will be an issue. I’m on my third CMPA baby now and recognise that inability to drop into a deeper rest. I think there are some good suggestions here, sleep training, however gently or quickly you’re comfortable with, getting a medical note to delay the professional exam and getting some much needed space for sanity and safety.
Also, all of mine (well two of them, third not old enough yet) have had the Alpro Oat milk and vitamins and are big, strong and healthy, so I think that’s a good plan. And I did the same, started slightly before 1 too. Assuming they’re a good weight and developing and eating well I think this is fine.
As for the idea of switching to formula, I think it just wouldn’t work. You’d need the amino acid formula and it takes foul and the baby is very unlikely to switch to this stinky milk out of a bottle after all this time of bf, so I agree, just don’t waste your energy.
Good luck and I hope you can weather the storm.

Echo others. Probably will get shouted down but I'd stop breastfeeding. We stopped sterilising at 6 months too. Bottles are a doddle, don't let that put you off.

But bottle feeding a CMPA baby isn’t the same. The milk tastes disgusting so babies are v reluctant, more than usual, because it’s so different to breast milk in a way that typical formula isn’t. I’d be more persuaded to introduce early oat milk at 10 months. You can still night wean and sleep train.

I've found this thread very comforting in hearing other mothers' experiences of CMPA babies, especially the pattern of not dropping into deeper sleep. Did anyone find their CMPA baby seemed as though they were immuno-compromised? My 11 month old is on their 6th round of antibiotics. My 4 year old has had one course her whole life! OP mine started being able to sleep next to me (not on me), when well (not when poorly) around 9 months. He gave me a 3 hour chunk of sleep next to me last night and his normal wake period has increased from one to 1.5 hourly. I am about to start offering alpro oat growing up milk for drinks in the hope of reducing the frequency of breastfeeding. I did try to offer specialist formula around 5 months and it was a hard no from him! I have been trying to sleep train to the extent that I feel comfortable with (gradual retreat) for months. It may be just individual difference between babies but this approach only took a couple of weeks with my first child and only had tears on night one (swapping nipple for dummy). I notice my second is far more reliant on physical proximity to sleep and gets much more upset by any attempt to offer less assistance with sleep.

Agreed it can be a tricky transition – it took us about 2 weeks with DD – but for me personally it was a lot easier than trying to eliminate dairy and soy from my diet when I was already on my knees with exhaustion.

Having said that, DD was a lot smaller and I couldn't switch her to any of the oat milks. I didn't even know there was an oat growing up milk – might be worth discussing with the GP about switching him even earlier, OP?

I'm 3 and a bit years in and my daughter still doesn't sleep!

She has cmpa and multiple other allergies as well as severe silent reflux from your description I would be looking at other allergies or reflux. I kept the most detailed food and symptom diaries and found that when she was difficult to entertain and had to be held permanently that was a sign she was reacting to something. Outside of dairy, soya and eggs etc it literally can be anything. My daughter now has 20 food allergies and the hardest to identify were onions and garlic!!

We made the move to formula from breastfeeding as my health was so poor I was admitted into hospital for 10 weeks. Most mental health related but I collapsed on the second day there as my physical health was so poor. My daughter was 10 months when we started formula. We did have various assessments with the dietician and unfortunately for us my daughter was 20 months before her diet was good enough for switching from formula to oat milk. There is also only 1 oat milk my daughter can have due to needing the right nutrition from the oat milk and moving around other allergens.

For the formula we made each bottle with a mix of just boiled water and cooled boiled water so it was close to a drinkable temperature. For the overnight bottles we made them before bed and put it in the fridge until it was needed. Switching from breastmilk to formula made absolutely zero difference in my daughters sleep and no difference to mine either and overnight she only wanted me - the same during the day too!

There are just 2 dairy free formula that should be made with room temperature water and these both have probiotics in. You don't save much time as the recommendation is that you use fresh water recently boiled so you either wait for the water to cool before you add the formula or afterwards. The rest of the formulas have a preparation similar to most other formulas

Are you feeding him to sleep? You need to sleep train him for everyone’s health (and safety!!)

Why don't you just cosleep? Saved my sanity.

Thanks all. I don’t think he has any allergies bar the CMPA. His nappies and skin (which were his initial symptoms) are absolutely fine now and totally normal. His naps go from excellent (drops off quickly, sleeps for 2 hours+) to fighting sleep and waking up after 20-30 minutes. His weight gain is good. He’s very smily, alert and engaged when awake. He eats really well - he enjoys green veg, root veg, egg, oily fish, meat, lentils. The only thing he refuses is porridge (oat milk) but he likes weetabix.

My gut feeling is that I’m just stuck with a ‘non sleeping breastfed baby’ who is now so used to waking to feed he doesn’t know how to stay asleep. I don’t know if that makes sense. My first only slept well (with 1 wake up) when I moved her onto bottles. I know that won’t sit well with many but it’s my experience. I only set out to do 6 months breastfeeding not 12. Its exhausting and makes me feel tired and unwell.

The health visitor is going to call me back about formula but either way he’s going on the growing up oat milk at 10/11 months. I’m just going to make a unilateral decision at this point as our entire house is miserable and I’m on the verge of a mental breakdown. In fact I may even be having one.

No more babies for me that’s for sure.

and Thank you for the suggestion but co sleeping just isn’t for me for a multitude of reasons.

@CasaMundi oddly his immune system seems a lot better than his big sister’s. He’s had no antibiotics so far, a permanent snotty nose and cough but no temperatures, he doesn’t seem to go ‘really down’ with anything. Touch wood. My oldest is a different story and has had masses of antibiotics and caught everything until about 1 year ago (she’s in reception now)