How much do you let your children shout in the house?

[Havanawinter]

I hate shouting, I am not a shouter and I find the loud noise jarring. I am neurodivergent but try to mask it. That being said, I have 2 DS’s, 3 and 6. The 6 year old especially shouts at the top of his lungs for no reason. He shouts all through bath time. He’ll randomly yell “POO POO” and similar during the day. He has 2 volumes, loud and louder. I hate shouting but I turn a blind eye to some of it because I get kids are just kids. If it gets too much I’ll go upstairs for some quiet. If it’s shouting as part of a game it’s fine but just yelling for the sake of it makes me wince! DH thinks I’m too anti-shouting and a killjoy even though I try really hard not to be. How much shouting is normal and what is beyond that? This probably makes no sense at all, sorry!

I have never allowed any shouting in my house.

Kids don't need to shout to have fun.

"Let"?
Whenever my kids want to shout there is very little I can do to stop them.
DC1 is likely neurodiverse (awaiting assessment) and DC2 copies. They are also 6 and 3, coincidentally.
I have noise-cancelling headphones which are brilliant and keep me sane when the volume levels are unbearable. I play calming music in them while my kids scream the house down.

What concerns me is that your DH is criticising your very understandable dislike of shouting. While we can't always stop children shouting we do have to at least try and teach them that it's not ok. Especially not indoors and around other people. Shouting when outdoors somewhere I would be more tolerant of! Anyway. Ideally the two of you need to be on the same page and back each other up. Not always easy but important.

Occasional uncontrollable excited shouting is normal in our house. But our three year old has a mantra we’ve always said since day dot - shouting is for parks and soft play. She tells our 1 year old this whenever they squeal too. She’s not perfect at it….because she’s 3….but she’s a quiet kid generally speaking

Your poor neighbours

Indoor voices only .
my kids have a tendency to speak increasingly loudly over each other until they are shouting. I hate it, especially in the morning. It gives me a headache. Volume control is an important skill even at a young age

I allow up to a minute of shouting if it's an appropriate time but after that ask them to stop.

If it's not an appropriate time I'd ask them to stop immediately.

I wouldn't allow shouting all through bath time. Bath time is a calm down time for us.

I don't allow screaming, but shouting (as much as I also hate it) is fine up to a point.

Not that I can control that much anyway with a very exuberant 1.5 and just turned 4 yo 😅

As you say, kids get over excited very easily and shouting is a part and parcel

No shouting needed, In times of excitement briefly loud yes but that's all. Twin 2 year olds and a 3 and they know that shouting,screaming is unacceptable so don't do it.

I just remind remind remind my DC1 5yo. She just gets overexcited or is sometimes trying to compete with other noises/other things going on like telly/music/DC2's noisy toys/DC2 making noise/me or DH talking. Instead of waiting until someone has stopped talking she will just get louder and louder. I feel you, I'm ND myself and hypersensitive to noise and I genuinely didn't realise how bad noise levels would be before I had kids as had never really been around any as an adult. I do feel sorry for our neighbours though but one of them has lived next to us for a few yrs (rented) and hasn't yet moved so presuming it can't be tooo bad from their side.

I let mine get excited, noisy and have fun and a bit giddy sometimes as love seeing them so happy and free. But shouting/screaming etc almost never as it drives me insane and I feel sorry for our long-suffering neighbours.

Same here. Strongly frowned upon.

I never let my DCs shout in the house.

I'm not ND or a killjoy.

Your H is fostering male privilege in your house. I suspect he thinks boys are naturally loud (and destructive, and it's manly to turn all toys into weapons).

Would he be as tolerant of a daughter throwing her weight around, and engaging in dominance behaviour, which is what your son is doing?

You need to nip this in the bud because it will be more difficult to establish yourself as the alpha individual in the house as he gets older if all you do now is turn a blind eye and retire to your room.

We do not allow shouting- unless for emergencies eg DD (4) knows she can shout to rouse us at night or if something happens like a monster poo she needs help with. We have a cottage with very thick walls and it’s hard to hear between rooms.

When playing she can do low level squealing and occasional shrieking. But if we say “too loud, indoor voice please” she knows what that means.

I expect Christmas day to get a bit loud and excitable, that’s ok. But we have boundaries and shouting for no reason is not on.

DH and I agree though on that, so we are consistent.

You need to tell the kids to use an "indoor voice" and not shout. I'd hate to live next door to a lot of shouting.

This. I can't stand screeching and squawking; there's absolutely no need.

No, fuck that. I hate shouting and loud noises in general.

Obviously when they're little, they are noisy. But shouting, screaming, banging, throwing toys etc was discouraged.

Said child is 9 now and doesn't shout at all. Sure, he's stroppy at times but it's pretty contained!

I can’t recall that happening and I’ve got 2 boys who were that age once. They need to learn to be considerate… calming them down and setting boundaries is necessary.

If DS is playing with a friend and they are laughing etc and it's noisy I'm fairly ok with that, I don't tolerate shouting or screeching. It's just not necessary. From a very young age we've spoken about indoor voices and so did nursery. No way would I expect it from a 6 year old.

Very interesting. I'm now curious to know the same.

I have two DDs and one is by nature, exuberant and we have had to drill her into being moderate with her volume. Constant removal etc.

My friend has a boy of the same age, and he's as you describe and says the same "boys will be boys" which isn't a mantra I prescribe to, and he manages to be quiet in my house...because rules.

Why do you let him shout. He is old
enough to understand the concept of indoor voice. We don’t let our kids shout at all.

DD1 has never been a shouter. DD2 can be a bit loud and liked to shout and squeal for a while. It’s always met with a reminder to use a little voice. Took a while but she’s got it now and can whisper/talk normally. DH WFH and answers the phone a lot so she knows she has to be quieter. She’s 3. I’m expecting a DS in April and he will have the same expectations. Can’t stand screaming and shouting.

Get his hearing tested just in case his loud voice is actually linked to hearing loss eg gromits

Get a sand timer and allow shouting till it runs out e.g. 5 mins. I used to put on one loud song and we'd all run around/shout to it to get wiggles out sometimes, but then stop at end of song. I think it's OK to shout within clear parameters but not otherwise.
At school they will be expected to use a quiet indoor voice at all times, delaying them understanding this is doing them no favours. It is sad that your husband thinks so little of your own mental health, perhaps if you frame it as beneficial to the children he will be more supportive?

I allow my child to shout when they need my attention urgently. I am teaching her there may be times she needs to shout.

No shouting in the house. I am not neurodivergent but really can’t stand shouting. There’s just no need for it.

Shouting is acceptable when running around and playing outside.

Yes playing loudly is fine, but being loud all the time is not. My 2 year old knows that he can roar loudly like a big tiger when he’s playing, but when we’re sitting at the dinner table he can only roar like a little tiger.

Your DH shouldn’t be encouraging rowdy behaviour!

Sounds like it's too much shouting. Certainly for you. We didn't have a lot of shouting when little. Have it now.