I know it feels very frustrating & upsetting as a mother, that your little girl seems to have completely changed, it feels like we as mothers are unappreciated, used, disrespected & cast aside.
But im going to be completely honestly with you, she needs you now more than ever.
She needs you to understand that biologically she really has very little control over her attitude/emotions etc at the moment.
It's partly hormonal changes, partly societal/social stressors, and a huge part is literal brain function.
Their brains physically dont work the same as ours do yet, the parts of the brain that handle rational thinking etc, arent active at this time.
That combined with the massive hormonal fluctuations make life extremely difficult for girls at this age.
Trust me when I say, she is not enjoying this anymore than you are, its horrible and confusing for her too.
But you should be more worried if she didn't act like this at the moment, it's because she feels safe with you that she can be her true current self. If she were still being a perfect angel, that would most likely be because she didn't feel safe with you and had to learn people pleasing as a coping mechanism, like a lot of us did back then. That causes life long trauma & relationship issues.
So although it's horrid for you both, it's normal & a good sign that you are her safe place, and it wont last for ever, I promise.
It's hard for me to explain it all completely, but there are a few books I can sign post you to At the end of this comment.
She just really needs you, to be patient with her, to understand that she has little control over her emotions, she needs you to love her unconditionally & help her through this very difficult stage just by knowing you'll always be there for he, you are her safe place & you'll always love & support her.
When you feel frustrated & unappreciated, or rejected etc by her, try to take deep breaths and remind yourself it's not your fault, its not her fault, it is completely normal & healthy for this stage, and try not to react negatively to her. Infact try to react as lovingly and supportive as you can, or give her space if she asks for it.
Find yourself a confidante that you can vent to & talk to when it's becoming overwhelming for yourself. Preferably somenody else whos survived this phase & can confirm yes it sucks but also normal & will pass, It helps to talk it out.
Treat yourself to anything that cheers you up too! Look after your emotional wellbeing so you can look after your daughters.
In regards to needing lifts etc, also try to remember what it was like for yourself back then.
Being a teenager is so hard! School is rough, they are constantly being given mixed msgs, being told to grow up & act like an adult, whilst at the same time having to stick to a bunch of rules and having no independence in terms of how they spend most of their time every day. Plus not having a driving license or their own income to spend on getting themselves around etc.. She also has to try spend her free time doing things she likes (seeing friends) because literally all week she's stuck in school, which really sucks..
Learning everytjing about life, literally everything from all the educational stuff, but also about friendships, relationships, finances, technology, social media. Then trying to figure out who you are and where you fit into all of this, then add in first loves etc.. My god its a difficult time for teens! Even more so girls with the hormonal stuff and extra societal pressures of beauty standards/fashion/trends etc.. They have to learn so much about everything whilst having only parts of their brains active and hormonal spikes and all that whilst their bodies are still growing!
It really is all about trying your hardest to understand what it's like for her, empathy, being patient, being loving, giving space when needed.
Try planning some 1 on 1 time doing something together that she enjoys, she might not show appreciatishenow but definitely will in the future.
The more you support her the easier it will be when she comes out the other side of this. She will look back and say 'my god, I was awful, but my mum loved me and stuck by me and now we have an amazing mother daughrer relationship forever'.
The best thing for you and her is to persevere, you give her support, you find support for yourself, and in no time you'll both be looking back on this time with relief and even some laughter. When you truly understand what is going on physiologically it makes it sooooo much easier to deal with.
I'm not saying you do or will do this, but some parents do, the worst things you can do are shout, scream, take away things she's enjoys, ground her/take away what little control she has over her life & body or reject her or throw her out of the house.
These things will not only ruin your relationship with her long term, they'll also more than likely lead to long term relationship issues in general, as well as mental health struggles and a miserable life for her. You are the most important person in her life, you can make or break her.
You candetermine through this, it's so worth it in the end! Xx
These books are perfect for you, especially the first one;
The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read.
Your child is not broken
The teenage brain.