Feeling guilty about what I'm feeding my baby

[lookingforadvice2402]

I went round my cousin’s yesterday.
We both have young babies but don’t get to see each other that often.

She feeds her DS absolutely anything. (13 months) He eats chocolate bars, McDonald’s, loads of frozen food put in the oven, pastries for breakfast, golden syrup in his porridge.. He even has an advent calendar! (Although don’t get me wrong, some fruit and veg are thrown in there too, it’s not all complete junk) (e.g processed sausage rolls with carrot & cucumber sticks a standard lunch)

My daughter is 11 months. I am that ‘organic mum’.. nearly everything is organic & made from scratch so I know exactly what’s in there (I even make my own stock cubes!) I am maybe too over the top.

She couldn’t believe my DD hasn’t even eaten a chicken nugget or a bit of chocolate since birth. And was almost sad she didn't have an advent calendar like she was missing out.

My mum was exactly the same with me growing up. ironically, I grew up overweight as I was snacking in secret whenever I could. And my healthy weight friends were always allowed the chocolate & sweets.

Do you/ did you let your baby eat ‘treats’ ?

Am I being too over the top?

They didn't have sweet treats and processed foods at that age. Same as you, lots of home made healthy food.

I was brought up the restricted 'healthy' way and like a previous poster, ended up snacking in secret and developing a perpetually insatiable sweet tooth. I became an overweight child and adult.
With my own DC I decided to give them free access to 'treat' foods without referring to them as treats. They are slim healthy adults with a much healthier attitude towards food. I'm still a snacker and sweet tooth and am obese.
I'd say there's a middle ground. Lovely that you're cooking organic and controlling your DC's food but it wouldn't hurt to widen what you give them a bit.

I think you're both opposite ends of the spectrum to be honest so you're both over the top in different ways.

I think obviously your way is healthy though and hers is unhealthy so I can understand why you find her a bit irritating when she questions why your DC hasn't had chocolate or a chicken nugget.
Over the age of 1 though I would expect them to have had chocolate once or twice like in a chocolate cake at a party or something like that.

I think you'll just have to agree to disagree.

My daughter had one biscuit when she stole it off my plate at 8 months. At 11 months she would only eat peas so no treats then.
Since about 2 she has had treats at birthdays, Christmas and Easter that sort of thing, maybe if we have gone for a day trip too. Trying very much to keep a treat as a treat.She got 2 Easter eggs and 1 chocolate bear for Christmas and she still has 1 and a half left. That's with us eat some with her as she really isn't fussed by chocolate
She is 3 and this is her first Christmas with an advent calendar. she has never had junk food due to food allergies. She has oven chips a couple of times since turning 3.

I don't object to giving her "junk" foods but I think they should be treats and if you are having treats on a daily - weekly basis they aren't treats they are food.

DD didn't really have much sugar before 2. Once she got to that point she could see what it was. I don't see the point in giving all those things when they have no awareness of them x

Mine has homemade food, but I do give him chocolate on the odd occasion.

Do you really feel guilty or are you just bragging about his wonderful you are in comparison to your cousin?

This

Feed your child what you want and let others do the same. It’s not a competition.

I've also seen children with 'healthy' (restricted) diets start to sneak treat food when they become independent enough. I don't think avoiding any food is particularly healthy. It's better to let them have a little of everything but educate to explain, 'this is a healthy food, this is a food we just have occasionally' etc

You've constructed a angel/devil dichotomy for food and are pushing it onto your child. This is not healthy

My first had homemade everything with the odd pouch for the first year / 18 months.

My second gets whatever is thrown her way

I was the same as you until my DD was 2. Now we have treats incorporated with other healthy food. She has still never had a chicken nugget or a chocolate bar. But has had e.g. raspberry tiddlers, one spoonful of vanilla ice cream on a cone, a handful of tyrells salted crisps, a half slice of pizza if we are having it, a good quality sausage, baked beans. Just up the junk when you feel it appropriate.

You're doing a great job for your DD. Can't believe anyone would be so blind to be 'sad' a 13 month old didn't have an advent calendar. They need their head checking.

What I will say is we don't make comments about the healthiness of food. We offer choices based on what's she's had already.

So glad I'm not the only cynic kicking about on here.

I think it's fair enough to worry about an overly restricted diet causing issues later on as PPs have said. But your baby is 11 months, I imagine loads of 11 month olds don't have advent calendars or chicken nuggets. Mine (4yrs, and 18 months) have never had chicken nuggets because they eat what we eat, and we don't eat that. And the 18 month old doesn't have an advent calendar but she did have some chocolate cake yesterday and will have biscuits etc.

Sounds like a humble brag to me. I'd say your both opposite ends of the child feeding though...making own stock cubes?! Don't think I'd do that even if I had the time. Similarly, advent calendars for babies just seems unnecessary.

You can do homemade organic and still allow treats, do you offer any kind of pudding? I don’t think mine had any junk before they were about 3 and going to parties though. Just make sure you aren’t too strict once they go out and about and are offered chocolate. I’ll never forget the 4 year old with strict parents who kept going back to the cake table for an extra slice. The party parents were used to allowing their children free rein as they were used to treats. I think this kid ended up having 6 slices of cake and being ill in the ball pit.
Definitely no need for an advent calendar at that age, they won’t have any understanding of the concept.

My DS turns 1 next week and I'm all about balance which means he has tried the majority of things including more unhealthy things such as chicken nuggets and chocolate. He doesn't have an advent calendar though but will have chocolate cake for his birthday.

Feed your kid what you like and she can do the same. I don't believe for a second that you genuinely feel guilty.

Fwiw my dd is 3y4m and I feel she isn't quite emotionally old enough for advent calendars yet - it took her till today to get over the Outrageous Injustice of not being able to open all the doors at once.

But yeah, yabu for being so restrictive of your child's diet. Are you on mat leave and going back to work soon? Or SAHM?

I know I'm stereotyping wildly here but I know only two mums who are as careful as you are with their dc's food and they're both SAHMs. Working parents simply don't have the time to bother.

Neither dh or I have ever counted calories or watched what we ate and we've never been overweight. I really don't want my dd growing up focusing on "good" vs "bad" foods - the way it seems like you do, op

This is the most embarrassingly transparent humblebrag I've seen on here in a while 😆

It doesn’t sound like you are sad. It sounds like you just want to hear people saying how awful your relatives child’s diet is.

Theres really a happy medium. If you think your mum strict food plans made you snack in secret, why would you follow the exact same path with your own child?

DS is 16 months. He doesn’t have treats as that’s a ridiculous concept for a child of his age. He does have baby biscuits a couple of times a week. He’s tried dark chocolate and loves it. He’s tried cake and didn’t. He likes processed foods like a greggs sausage roll and tinned spaghetti hoops, but they’re not staples of his diet. Nursery do seem to give him baked beans a lot. He eats fish fingers at least once a week. He also eats a lot of lentils. He doesn’t care for potatoes but will eat celeriac, the weirdo. My priorities have always been calories in and variety and I’m probably a bit to lack on salt.

"Feeling guilty" my arse. Sure you aren't just looking for some "you're doing a great job", "you're a fantastic mum" plaudits while taking the piss out of your friend at the same time?

You're not feeling guilty at all. This is the ultimate humblebrag.

Such as pp's, I was brought up on strict healthy diet, McDonald's was a no no and sweets only occasionally. As an adult I have the worst diet ever (although I'm not overweight, it does affect my health. I'm constantly sluggish). I think because now I have no one to tell me off i get a huge thrill about eating the bad stuff

Yes op, you should feel so guilty, you terrible mother ! 🙄😂