Need answers from mums who have breastfed 2+ babies!

[LeonieSN93]

Currently pregnant with my second DS due in February and was hoping to hear some anecdotes about feeding second babies compared to feeding the first.

My first DS was exclusively BF for 14 weeks before I ended up introducing a bottle of formula every day. I could never get a grasp on whether it was me doing something wrong or if my baby was just a bit rubbish at it or a combo of both, but those 14 weeks were awful. I had really wanted to exclusively BF for the first 6 months so it was upsetting to me to chuck the towel in so early but I found it so grueling to the point of ruining our bond/relationship.

Once I got over the 'mum guilt' I felt really good about the formula. However I would still love for this time to go better and to hopefully manage the full 6 months. I guess I'm asking how likely will it be that I'll have more of a knack this time? Did anyone feel that with more children they just got more 'skilled' at doing it successfully or do you think it mostly comes down to having a cooperative baby?

Any replies much appreciated! Thanks x

What was wrong during those 14 weeks? Why do you think something was wrong etc? Why did you introduce a bottle of formula? Lots of questions 😊

I was more confident the 2nd time round which helped with establishing the feeding. The first time I had no idea I was doing it wrong!!

My issue with breastfeeding my second was that with my first I was able to lounge around and feed my first without having to worry about any disruptions as such. However with a newborn and toddler it wasn't possible. I ended up breastfeeding my second exclusively for 6 weeks and after that only fed at night as during the day partner was at work and my toddler needed a lot of attention, so I made the decision to just feed at night when I could give my undivided attention.

Ah to elaborate we just never seemed to click. Some days he would feed happily but most it was a struggle for him to latch sometimes, he would get too upset to try at some points and he overall just seemed to struggle with the whole act of it. He wasn't losing weight but at one point it did happen to stagnate which was round about the time I was starting to get really anxious and depressed about the whole thing which is when we decided to introduce a bottle a day.

The couple of times I tried to demonstrate for the health visiter he would decide to play ball and make me look like a liar 😂 there would be times where we would go a few days with no trouble only for things to get bad again which was always frustrating too. The constant false hope was one of the major things dragging me down.

I breastfed both of mine exclusively. First time went until 13 months no issues. Second time still going at 15 months. We had latch issues at first but persevered.

Was definitely more relaxed second time. Just went with the flow. But baby was very chilled as a newborn and toddler is generally chilled too so I was able to sit and feed regularly so depends on the temperaments of the children I would say.

I breastfed both and currently still feeding no.2. I also found it less stressful second time around one reason is I was so busy with two I had less time to worry or think about it! I would really recommend going to any breastfeeding groups if you have any near you. I went to one both times and it was really helpful if I was worried about anything or just to answer questions.

Did your first have a tongue tie? Mine did but didn't realise until 14w when it was divided. That made feeding a lot easier but I still felt it wasn't the nice natural experience. I was just so determined to do it. With second Dc, now aged 6 months, feeding has been brilliant and he didn't have a tongue tie. From his first feed he has been brilliant at it. Much easier for me too.

I think the baby makes a big difference. My first baby took to it like a dream! Latched on perfectly, gained weight, super easy. Second baby struggled with latch, I had bleeding nipples, mastitis, baby was slow to gain weight. DC1 would also happily have expressed milk from a bottle and when I stopped at eight months was happy with formula. DC2 would never take a bottle, even once weaned from the boob.

But we got there in the end and I fed till DC2 was 13 months. Ask for support from the beginning. I found the NCT helpline to be really brilliant, as was my local latch on group and I got into see the GP ASAP when I realised I had mastitis. You will absolutely crack it, even if it takes a bit of work in the beginning. I think you just need to be determined to crack it. And if you are not determined, there is no shame in using formula.

DD1 was fixed feed for 6 weeks and then I moved to formula. DD2 has a tiny bit of formula in the first couple of weeks, I would give her little but to calm her down enough that we could get a good latch, after than she was efb until starting food at 6 weeks and she bf until 3.5 yrs old.

It was better for a lot of reason, my physical and mental health was much better, I watched a million youtube videos on getting a good latch, allergies where discovered earlier, she didn’t have tongue tie and an amazing midwife turned up on my door step at 9.20 in the morning after I rang the maternity ward in the middle of the night when she wouldn’t latch.

I've breast fed five babies for varying lengths of time and I can tell you it's the baby rather than you that makes the difference. My first and second were good at breast feeding and I fed them for a year each. Next I had twins and had intended to breast feed them both, after all I was a pro by that point but one of the twins (7lbs each and full term) was rubbish at breast feeding, made me bleed, couldn't get a proper latch so I decided to bottle feed both. I have some guilt for the other twin who, like his older siblings was a natural but I couldn't have manage to breast feed one and bottle fed the other. Fifth baby was a good feeder too but with four other children under 7 she only got eight weeks. Please don't feel guilty, we all do our best, that's all we can do.

Definitely different with every baby! DC1 was very hard work and DC2 was a dream. I fed both for an extended length of time. A lot of emphasis in "breastfeeding support" places the responsibility for any issues on you and implies you just didn't try hard enough (they're trying to problem-solve but it can make you feel like shit if nothing works), but that's not a realistic picture in my experience and can make you feel like a failure over a situation you can't control (aside from the basics like positioning, latch etc).

I bf'd my first, really tricky as he had a tongue tie that wasn't checked, then had awful colic, my mil was vehemently against bf and I had pnd. Ploughed through it (mostly to spite my mil, stubborn bitch that I am) and it did finally click. Felt for months that I wasn't doing anything right, never mind bf.

The difference with Dc2 was that I was more mentally prepared. I think I framed it as 'what happened last time was monumentally bad, this one can't be as awful'. I managed to get into a much more laissez-faire mindset of if it doesn't work this time so be it, and set my expectations much lower. It turned out really well second time despite awful awful reflux, 100% down to me giving myself permission to make other choices if I felt like I, or dc needed to. Confidence in my ability to bf (and woah, 14 weeks is an INCREDIBLE start op) and confidence in my ability to make the right choices.

My mil was even more pissed off second time round 😉

Thanks for all the messages so far. So nice to hear all the different experiences 😊

Also to answer a couple of posters we did have him checked for tongue tie and that definitely wasn't the issue.

I breastfed two babies for three years each. The first baby it was AWFUL for 12 weeks. The second baby I resolved not to put myself through that again but he was really easy to feed. No idea if it was experience or the baby. I didn’t have much help with the first and so got into a cycle of mastitis. But, the second baby was and always has been easier to get to sleep and slept longer (total understatement) therefore I was just generally more rested.

Another vote for different with each baby. My first was a natural (even though I had no clue) and I fed him for 2 years. Second baby needed neonatal support for first 9 days so I think that impacted things but seemed to be permanently more hungry than I could satisfy with breastfeeding. There was visible instant relief when he got his first bottle.

It was much harder physically to stop feeding, that was something I didn’t fully appreciate. The knack of trying to wind down your own supply without having horrendously sore boobs, I failed and ended up with an infection.

I was more skilled and better versed on what to expect. My second had a tongue tie so it wasn’t completely plain sailing. But I was better equipped to reposition him etc and so he still gained weight well before someone finally identified he had a tongue tie
and we got it snipped.

Exclusively bf all mine. Eldest had a partial tongue tie the HV said. I had so many problems it was unreal. I think I had a bad latch too from not being shown how to feed her. HV referred me to a group for help and they showed me how to get DD to open her mouth wide. With each subsequent child it got easier. Feeding DD1 was a dream after I was helped to do it properly.

I was more knowledgeable and relaxed with my second but mostly he just knew exactly. what. to. do. Latched like a champ and fed like a little barracuda from the beginning. In fact the only problem was getting him to take a bottle when I wanted to do a KIT day...

EBF both and fed to 2+ but the early days were much easier with #2.

It got easier with each one (except the first couple of weeks which were always rough).

I tried more positions - one loved to be fed while I lay down and would thrash about otherwise, one was happier with me upright, and one was a crazy gymnist determined to feed at any stupid angle he could get himself into.

If you can access a breastfeeding counsellor, definitely do, as they really know their stuff and can help you resolve issues early on.

It’s usually the baby.

I was lucky with both of mine. I did co-sleep so they had easy access to milk overnight which in the early days was also constant. The frequency and informality that arrangement I suspect contributed to it being a very relaxed process overall.

But my NCT teacher - obviously a complete pro - had four children and said that the first three were a dream, no issues with feeding at all, but that the fourth couldn’t latch properly and she ended up weeping in the bath from pain, frustration and worry.

Good luck this time OP, I suspect you’ll do absolutely fine.

I had a fair few issues feeding my first. Refusal to latch. Not gaining enough weight etc. I persevered but it was tough. We managed a year roughly.
My second I was much more relaxed. We never went to those silly baby weigh ins so I never knew what she weighed or if she was gaining ‘enough’ weight. She fed. She was content. Again I think we managed a year or so until I’d had enough and went back to work. Second was in NICU for a week too so had to manage without bf on demand for that first week. It was still a breeze compared to my first

I had a greedy DC first but mw spotted a tongue tie on the check after you leave hospital even though I had not noticed anything and thought feeding was fine and had been told in hospital that there was no tongue tie. Baby1 happily bf until about 6 months.
Second DC total pita to feed, nosey as they come so couldn't feed anywhere public. Because I had had a good experience with baby1, I spotted baby2 had a tongue tie as it didn't feel right to feed them, even though I was told by hospital that there was no tongue tie initially I stuck to my guns and then someone a bit more experienced came along and confirmed it and i got that sorted, they fed better but had colic and are still a pita about their food all these years later!!!

Feeding a second baby can be completely different. My two were utterly different (if both challenging) experiences.

Where I was different second time was I was more confident and I knew where to go for proper help. I always suggest to those who want to BF to find their local support group (preferably lactation consultant led) and visit it prior to baby arriving. This is helpful in 2 ways: you can chat to them and get some pointers for getting off to a good start, and do not underestimate how much it will help you to know where it is, where to park, what the format is etc.

BF first for 16 months ish. Now feeding second who is 10 months.

I would say that in some ways it’s much easier the second time around. We got into our rhythm much faster, latching was easier and I worried less about whether baby was getting enough. However, second time wasn’t problem free just because I’d done it before - I still got a fissure, bleeding nipple, clogged duct and mastitis. I persevered both times because it was important to me and it was easier to do so the second time because I knew those problems had subsided last time and probably would this time too.

I would say the best advice I have is (a) don’t get too hung up on “exclusive” breastfeeding, I’ve always given mine the very occasional bottle (sometimes once a month, sometimes a couple of times in a week) and it hasn’t stopped us successfully breastfeeding, (b) a private lactation consultant can be a lifesaver if you have problems and have the budget and (c) both times it was about 12 weeks before everything was routine, it was painless and the cluster feeding stopped, if you can get through that it’s plain sailing - and if not that’s when I’d start considering whether the hassle outweighed the benefits.

i breastfed my two oldest girls until they were both 2. wasn't easy in beginning but persevered and was great by the time they were around 3 months. Youngest boy breastfed for 4 weeks! he was just an absolute tyrant. my nipples had holes in them and his latch was perfect but he just couldn't be filled up. he's 2 now and still greedy lol. he did fantastic with formula and has slept through the night since being 2 months old. like you i was so upset because i'd been fine with my girls, i really felt a failure but looking back it was silly because formula was clearly better for him and me