Need answers from mums who have breastfed 2+ babies!

[LeonieSN93]

Currently pregnant with my second DS due in February and was hoping to hear some anecdotes about feeding second babies compared to feeding the first.

My first DS was exclusively BF for 14 weeks before I ended up introducing a bottle of formula every day. I could never get a grasp on whether it was me doing something wrong or if my baby was just a bit rubbish at it or a combo of both, but those 14 weeks were awful. I had really wanted to exclusively BF for the first 6 months so it was upsetting to me to chuck the towel in so early but I found it so grueling to the point of ruining our bond/relationship.

Once I got over the 'mum guilt' I felt really good about the formula. However I would still love for this time to go better and to hopefully manage the full 6 months. I guess I'm asking how likely will it be that I'll have more of a knack this time? Did anyone feel that with more children they just got more 'skilled' at doing it successfully or do you think it mostly comes down to having a cooperative baby?

Any replies much appreciated! Thanks x

First child I really struggled. He fed but didn't seem to get enough and I bottle topped from 3 months. By 4.5 months he was exclusively breastfed.. With hindsight I was possibly so exhausted from his screaming and an unsupportive partner that I wasn't producing enough (he was also later diagnosed with autism). 2nd child EBF until I took a course of antibiotics at about 11 months when he went off the taste. 3rd child about 18 months EBF.

Breastfeeding was similar for both dc. I never had any particular issues - no mastitis or pain or issues with latching. It felt very natural and I breastfed DC1 for 3.5 years. DC2 is 19m and is still breastfeeding. Age gap is almost 4 years, so DC1 was at nursery when establishing breastfeeding which gave me lots of time to focus on DC2. We have breastfeeding support groups locally but never felt the need to attend as it was going fine as it was, and I would rather spend time taking dcs to baby sensory or massage classes.

Second time was much easier than the first.

First baby I didn't have a clue what I was doing and felt I had to follow the 'rules' (like not expressing too early, not giving a bottle of ebm too early, no dummies etc). I did successfully bf for 10 months but the first 2-3 months were hard.

Second baby I expressed enough milk every day for DH to do one of the night feeds (from birth) and that way I always got enough sleep. I was also much more confident about feeding when out and about. BF her for 15 months.

Not sure why you introduced a bottle of formula?

I breastfed both of mine. With my first I found extremely easy, she only stopped when she was 2, and I was pregnant with dc2. With dc2 I found it much harder, she wouldn't latch, would scream, throw up, and didn't gain weight easily like her sister did. It was really tough to begin with, but I was so determined because I'd done it with my first, so we powered on, and it became easier and enjoyable at some point. I always said, if she was my first, I definitely wouldn't have stuck it out after the first couple of months, especially with the lack of weight gain, as that was stressful, but as I'd done it once before, I knew I wanted to continue. It was also the only way I could get my elder DD to sleep and nap for the first two years, and I was scared without breastfeeding that I wouldn't be able to do that with the second one... it was seriously like a superpower with dd1, even down to things like, attending weddings, and wanting her to sleep through the service, I'd whack a boob out ten minutes before, and I knew she'd 100% be asleep and not crying through the vows! All I can really say, is, if you're determined to do it this time, do your research, join some online breastfeeding peer groups, and just prepare yourself for a tough first few months, knowing that it does become easier, and if anything long term, it is much easier than formula feeding as it's less to think about, prepare, remember, organise, buy. Don't cave and try and mix feed too early on, as that can create bottle preference... Flow is faster so baby prefers the bottle as it's easier to get more milk, thus creates a dip in your milk supply, meaning baby then wants bottle more, then you have less milk, which creates this vicious cycle until your milk supply is diminished. The cluster feeding and unsettled hours in the first few months are normal, and is just baby establishing your supply. Lots of women believe the baby is unsettled as she doesn't have enough milk, so start giving extra bottles, and then it can become a downhill spiral. Do lots of research, look at the size of a baby's stomach at 1 week, 2 weeks, 3 months etc, it will put your mind at ease at how little baby actually needs from each feed, as this is a big worry of new mums, that baby isn't getting enough, when actually breast milk is so highly calorific they need such a small amount. Sometimes they will feed for a couple of minutes, sometimes it will be an hour, again all normal, and it's baby regulating your supply and telling your body what they need. And just remember, if it doesn't work out, it doesn't matter. You know with your first that formula feeding works, is absolutely fine, and is a completely valid and reasonable choice, if for whatever reason breastfeeding doesn't work out, or the mum chooses not to. Baby being fed and growing well is the main objective, so don't beat yourself up if it doesn't happen. I was a breastfeeding peer supporter, and absolutely promote breastfeeding as a fantastic part of motherhood, and raising babies, but mums who breastfeed and in no way superior to those who don't. I'm glad I managed to breastfeed both of mine, and am proud of it, as it was bloody hard work in those early months, and one of my greatest achievements as a parent... but mainly because I'm a tight arse, and know how much money it saved us 😂

I've had 5, all different.
1st was a horrible birth, and I managed 7 days before stopping. I felt awful and guilty. I still feel sad for 21yo me!
2nd 9yrs later, still hard, sore for 6wks but got incrementally easier. Especially after adding a dummy at 2wks and having had a straightforward birth and a supportive partner. Fed to 8m when I got pregnant with 3rd
3rd, 17m after 2nd was born. Easy. My nipples were used to feeding so no pain at all and I was a confident feeder having only stopped 8m earlier. Fed to 11m
4th, lazy baby who didn't open his mouth wide enough, I got him checked for tongue tie but I'm still convinced he had it. Lots of blocked ducts as a result. He wasn't a booby baby, so once on food/drink he wasn't that interested but persevered to 12m.
5th baby 22m later. Like number 3 totally easy and painless. Fed her until 16m.
So total mixed bag!

I found the second one a lot easier. I knew what I was doing and was more relaxed I think. My milk came in quicker too (though I'm not sure whether that was due to second baby or due to me expressing a load of colostrum beforehand which I didn't do with DD1 or just natural variation.)

DD1 had no issues with me cuddling up on the sofa to feed DD2 - she saw this as a perfect opportunity for me to read a load of books to her without any option to tell her I needed to get on with jobs!! I'd suggest that buying some bits you can do with your DS1 while cuddled up on the sofa breastfeeding might be a good idea, whether that's books or something else.

Dc1 exclusively breastfed for 11 months (she refused a bottle so no choice!), Dc2 for 6 weeks but he honestly wasn’t fussed so changed to formula.
When I was a midwife so long as mum and baby were happy I supported the mum fully, doing whatever suited them both best. This was in the late 70’s and early 80’s when breastfeeding was was the be all and end all with no recognition that it didn’t suit everyone.

IME it's really baby dependent.

DS was a dream. He came out of the womb knowing how to BF and I fed him for 2 years with zero issues.

I've just had DD and they suspect a posterior tongue tie and she has a high arch. She's really struggling to feed and can't stay latched so for now we have to give expressed milk via bottles :(

DS (DC1) fed very easily and frequently. DD (DC2) was like a hoover and destroyed my nipples. Fed them for 11m and 6m respectively.

tbh, I've heard versions of OP's story a lot & to me as an outsider they always sound like ... low confidence. A belief that "It's not quite working right" and "I can't be doing this right" but no specific fact to substantiate that, just growing anxiety that leads to quitting. Along with "Isn't breastfeeding inconvenient!?" statements. I'm not saying OP had wrong feelings, because only she could decide how much relative inconvenience or anxiety she could tolerate.

I know people who quit because they had bleeding aerola & babies who failed to gain weight, too, but OP didn't say those things happened.

I worried because I had painful letdown but once I was confident that no damage was being done I could get on with it. That is the closest I got to anxiety about baby feeding so I'm probably not much help.

Mine both had tongue tie and I fed to 18 months with DS1 and 2 years with DS2.

My honest is advice is, if it's at all difficult with DS2, and if you can afford it, see a lactation consultant. Mine was worth her weight in gold. She spotted, and snipped, both tongue ties, and also supported with positioning and latching. I wouldn't have been able to continue BF without her, and it was a couple of appointments each time so while expensive, not an ongoing expense IYSWIM.

I've breastfeed 3 children.

The first was a nightmare. They would never open their mouth wide enough to latch well (tongue tie was not a known thing at the time) and I didn't know what I was doing either. Midwives spent time squeezing my breast into different shapes and shoving it into my child's mouth. It didn't help.

Eventually after much pain to both of us (and lots of tears) we figured out positions that worked for us and it became easier.

Second child just got the latch straight away and no pain but I had repeated bouts of mastitis with them - no idea why.

Third child - no issues at all.

Lack of confidence may have played a part tbh

It was mainly when the HV pointed out the lack of growth in his weight that I finally felt urged to give up. Like I said he wasn't losing weight or on a particularly worrying state but it didn't seem that we was doing as well or thriving as he could have been with the formula.

I just got to a point where it felt like my determination to keep going was more about proving something to myself than about the well being of DS which ended up adding to my guilt. Like I was intentionally not letting him thrive because I wanted to feel good about myself for being an 'exclusive breast feeder'....

I don't regret introducing the formula as that one bottle a day really helped with his mood, sleep and weight gain (as well as my own well being) but I'm still really hopeful that I'll have a better time in February with the next one.

I've breastfed both mine, still going with DS2. My first baby had a tongue tie, I had a fast let down that she struggled with and I feel she had a tiny bit of reflux too, so took a while to iron it all out.

So with my second I went into it with a different mindset. I was determined to not get stressed, to introduce a bottle straight away so he would accept a bottle and go with the mantra that what will be will be. Second time around it clicked straight away, he breast fed beautifully and took bottles too. Maybe it was my attitude, maybe it was his temperament, maybe a bit of both but it was definitely a smoother ride.

Not sure if I count! I tried desperately to breastfeed ds, but was discharged from hospital combi feeding. He had tongue tie, cmpa and severe reflux. I lasted a week trying to latch, and a few more pumping. Neither me or him knew what we were doing and we got f all help.

With my second, I went dairy and soya free 2 months before due (just in case - needn't have bothered, but better safe than sorry). Joined fb support groups, followed la leche etc. Once she was born, she latched immediately and just knew how to do it all, even before her tongue tie cut at day 4. I did so much prep with her, watched latch videos, extensive reading, which helped when she had nursing strike, and when I got mastitis once. She's 2 in January and still won't take milk of any kind from any other source 😅

I over prepared after the experience of our first. For reference, he's almost 5, doesn't sleep through, still has fortified milk overnight for low weight, and only slept in his own room for the first time ever LAST NIGHT. Was desperate to avoid the same cycle and we've done pretty well - this time I've avoided ppd and ppa entirely :)

Three breastfed babies here.
First one easy peasy. V lucky
Second and third V difficult until I introduced solids at 4 months .
I think it's all luck

First was excruciatingly painful for the whole time. Maybe she had a terrible latch? I've no idea. I ended up keeping it up for over 6 months, often biting down on something for the pain. I combined with some formula too.

2nd baby was only painful for a short time in the first few weeks. She never had any formula at all, breast milk only up til 6 months and then introducing foods along with breastfeeding until my milk changed at 21 months due to a new baby on the way. She self weaned from breastfeeding. She was a total chunky butt and did wonderfully on my milk.

Third baby had tongue tie that the rude paediatrician man refused to snip because "we don't do that any more." And when I said baby couldn't latch well and was losing weight the Ped just suggested I was "forcing my BFing ideals" when I probably wasn't making enough milk (because I'd said no to pumping and bottling because I didn't get much milk out with a pump) when baby "would do just fine with formula".

My HV and breast feeding support consultant were furious and reported him and the next time I went it was a different paediatrician and the entire waiting room was plastered in various BF posters and lactation consultant contacts. By then it was too late. Defeated by guilt the original paediatrician had given me I'd put baby on formula - before I'd spoken to my HV and Breastfeeding support woman. Got huge mum guilt for that. I would have loved to nurse him like his sister.

I haven't read the whole thread yet but in answer to your question, BF is a skill like any other. Some people are naturally proficient, others less so and then as with any skill practice makes perfect.

I found bf DC1 excruciatingly difficult and hated every minute of it but bf DC3 was an absolute doddle.

Sorry you had that experience.

I'm a BF supporter and although there is no research into the genetics of tongue tie, we often find that someone with a second/subsequent baby who has one will tell us that either previous baby had one or that nothing was seen but BF was really difficult because of <insert likely-TT-related reason here>. So I'm wondering if your eldest has one that was never spotted? 6 months with that much pain?! Hats off to you, I has excruciating pain with #2 and if it had been my first baby I wouldn't have made it past 6 days with that!