Sad to stop breastfeeding

[Srx1]

Apologies for the long intro but I thought it would be helpful to explain our situation.

My baby turned 1 and I currently breastfeed him mid morning, mid afternoon and then before bed plus I feed him to sleep through the night. I recently started cosleeping with him in the spare room when he wakes up from midnight or later ( if i manage to settle him back in the cot after the first night waking) as I just.couldn’t.do.it.anymore., sometimes he wakes only twice but sometimes he wakes as soon as i put him back down and it just goes on and on).

Me and my husband can’t agree on what to do. He doesn’t like this arrangement and wants to sleep train him and I definitely decided against that. I enjoy cosleeping and I don’t mind feeding him to sleep for now. He is very attached to me and the boob. But I'm worried where would that take us long term.

I decided to start weaning him slowly leaving night feeds last ( dreading stopping that as he won’t be happy) in preparation for nursery ( 2 full days starting in couple of months time, and in hope that it will help him sleep better once he’s off the boob and starts nursery). I know it might not make a difference but I don’t know what to do anymore, I’m tired of all the conflicting information and my husband not agreeing with me is so difficult and sad and I keep questioning myself.

We had a tricky bf journey ( tongue tie and mastitis several times) so I’m happy we got this far but stopping now makes me very emotional 😢 Of course a part of me will enjoy having my body back but I can’t help but be sad about it all ending.

Did anyone have a similar situation?

I'm worried where would that take us long term

He’s still so young, so please don’t worry that he relies on you. That’s totally biologically normal at this age.

If you don’t want to wean him yet, then follow your instincts. Breastfeeding is still beneficial, and has increased benefits during the second year of life in terms of immunity. Breastfeeding can be a lifesaver when he’s exposed
to all sorts of bugs and viruses at nursery.

If you’re worried about bf’ing and him being at nursery, don’t be. He will manage fine while away from you and will nurse when he sees you.

How would you feel about doing some gentle night weaning? Dr Jay Gordon's Method is very gentle.

It's best if your DH is very involved in the process. If he wants DS night weaned, is he willing to help to achieve that?

I did the opposite, dropped the night feed first - Dr Jay Gordon method. 4 bad nights (dh handled most of that) then no more night feeds. Continued feeding in the day, outside of work. DC2 had sippy cup with cows milk or water when in childcare.

Also wouldn’t personally initiate cosleeping just before returning to work, if you didn’t start off doing that.

Agree with others. I night weaned and continued with a morning feed and night feed.
I was shocked how emotional I felt around stopping, despite really having had enough. I still feed her now and she’s 2 and a bit - it is a god send against nursery viruses as she never seems to be ill for long.

The night weaning was hard, after the before bed feed I sent my husband in with each wake, as they know the mum has the milk! But It didn’t take long, maybe three nights and she began sleeping through. It makes a big difference to your quality of life because I also coslept and I don’t think you get into a proper deep sleep and feel properly rested.

Maybe if you don’t feel ready to stop, try dropping any night feeds first. 👍🏻

Thanks everyone! To be honest I haven't heard of Jay Gordon method before! Interesting.. ughh I am dreading the crying in the middle of the night, honestly he is so loud and inconsolable , I feel like he's worst than others when it comes to that!

Husband... could help but he is not great with baby crying and I'm not sure if he would have the patience if he goes on for a while and that would make me feel on edge.

What are other ways to night wean? Is this the most popular one? @Tgilaura is that all you did, husband going in , I'm guessing patting and shushing? And yes, I am also shocked how emotional the thought of stopping made me!

I guess you're all right, I could carry on with daytime bf - I certainly want him to have the benefits especially with starting the nursery- as you all say

Cosleeping- the biggest problem is that my husband doesn't agree with it. I don't mind it, I actually enjoy it and how he puts his little arm around me 🥰. I'm not working currently and I will be working from home.

Get rid of the night feed

Personally I would try and not do the co sleeping. But if you want to then that's your choice

Continue breastfeeding in the day. My 2 year old has no night feeds, breastfeeds when ever in the day and when I go ti work part time he is fine without boob. Don't make a big deal about it and try and go with what you think is best

@sunflowertime Thank you, how did you do night weaning?

I'm so tired of getting up so many times in the night, that is why I started cosleeping.. I just felt desperate every night, trying to settle him down again only for him to wake up sometimes after 10 minutes...😩 dreading the nights when it is like that

Still co sleeping and breastfeeding my 2 year old through the night here as well, it can be hard but also I’m so grateful for it when she’s ill or upset. I’m not ready to stop yet if she’s not- just so you know you’re not alone!

Don't let your husband or society tell you when to stop BFing. It's your own personal decision.

Your husband sounds like an 80s stick in the mud tbh. You're the one sleeping next to the baby so if you like cosleeping you should carry on.

you ignore the conflicting advice and do what’s right for you

happily breastfeeding and co sleeping with a 19 month old

I advise a super king bed if you husband has genuine comfort concerns and isn’t just being jealous

It also concerns me that you can't trust your husband to have patience with a crying one year old. Poor you... your DH doesn't sound like the best dad.

Hi OP, your little boy sounds exactly like my son. I co slept and fed him at night until he was 2 and a half. At that stage, I explained to him that he wasn’t going to have any more boobie when he woke up and then I just cuddled him when he did. After a couple of nights he started sleeping through.

I left it a few weeks and then moved him into his bedroom. He’s now 6 and has slept 12 hours a night without fail in his own room for the past three years. My husband made frankly bloody stupid comments like “he’ll still be sleeping in your bed when he’s 15” and became almost openly critical about how long I breastfed. He was have been openly critical but I made it very clear that I couldn’t give a shit what he thought about it.

Anyway, DD is now one and I’m doing exactly the same with her. Because it all worked out so well with DS, my husband is far more supportive this time around. He knows there is an end point.

That's what struck me too.

So I think it’s really important that they respond quickly when they start crying before they wake up properly. I was like a Jack in the box springing him out of bed to go! 😂

He d go in and offer a drink in case they are thirsty, which was invariably declined. Then he d just lay them back down and shh and pat/rub their back. You have to be strong because my daughter was furious that it was him and not me, but you should try to not go in. You know your own baby though, I think there was only one time I went in when I could tell by the crying it was going to continue to escalate. But then next time, dad goes again.

Like I said it took about three nights, with the first one being the worst. My husband was on board despite not really waking up at nights previously because he also wanted a decent nights sleep!

You don't need to reduce feeds for nursery. The nursery staff will find ways to soothe him without nursing.

After 13 months of every nap and bedtime being done by me, I went back to work and my mum got DD to sleep just by holding and walking with her round a room.

Your baby is very young and from experience, I think you're doing the right thing.

Doesn't it upset you that your DH wants to sleep train him?

Also OP you don't have to night wean. My DD was the same at this age and I just always felt dread at night weaning because I'd have to soothe some other way. She night weaned on her own shortly after she turned 2 (we were down to one wake up and i had a lot of talks with her and she agreed we wouldn't nurse in the night any more).

I always thought I'd have to night wean her, but in the end I didn't really. At your DS age she was waking me countless times and feeding back to sleep (thank god for co sleeping).

I co slept with her until she was 2y3m then she asked to go in her own bedroom. She also potty trained the same month.

It was honestly amazing and really shocked me. My point is you can be really lazy if you want and do nothing and he will get there on his own and in fact it's quite special when they do.

Jay Gordon is cuddling (and co sleeping if relevant), not pat/shush or crying alone. But there will inevitably be a lot of crying!

That’s worrying about your H’s parenting.
he’s not necessarily U to want you to stop co sleeping, but not sharing the parenting at night and impatience with the baby is crap.

when i returned to work with DC1 at a similar age and the sleep deprivation continued I became exhausted and unwell with my mental health - DH needed to do more at night.

wfh is still work, so would prioritise your own health and wellbeing.

If you don't want to stop then don't stop. He's very young. I stopped at 2, it was the right time for us and she stopped without a fuss after being very obsessed!

Sorry I probably worded this a bit wrong, he's a great dad but what I meant is that when the baby is very upset he just wants me and I calm him quicker and husband doesn't know what to do if he can't calm him down after a while. And I'm on edge while he's crying as I just want to take over

i just want to say that if you are worried about nursery then you can still breastfeed on the days baby is at home. My daughter is 2.6 and we are still breastfeeding. She goes to nursery full time and doesn't have any milk when she is there and only breastfeeds at night. I think it really helps us re coop after a long day and its good for her as we spend full day apart. Once they grow breastfeeding is not as intense, mostly first thing in the morning and just before sleep. Most people don't even know that I breastfeed. I know there is a lot of social pressure to stop once they are one, and husbands support on this is important but you don't have to stop if you don't want to🤷‍♀️
I found group on facebook : breastfeeding older babies and beyond very supportive

You said your H doesn’t have patience, but OK!

It’s important for all of you that your H can settle his DC. It’s a problem that he can’t and it can easily be rectified.

OP I had a similar experience with my second baby. For me the night weaning would have been impossible while co sleeping as she just helped herself! So at 14 months we put her in her own cot, got rid of the night feeds and did sleep training basically. I was sorry to say goodbye to co sleeping but it was the right time for us as the lack of sleep was driving us both around the bend.
It was a hellish week and the first night she cried for two hours (we went and cuddled/ comforted her at short intervals during the two hours so she was never left to cry but we put her back in the cot each time) and by day four or five she was sleeping through happily in the cot, I couldn’t believe it.
I would say you absolutely don’t have to stop breastfeeding to do this - I definitely carried on the morning and evening breastfeed beyond this point though (she was at nursery in the day). I agree it’s sometimes helpful especially with nursery bugs to still have the option.
But, I do think it’s better to ideally stop feeding through the NIGHT at this age.
Once we stopped doing that and she was sleeping in the cot, her development really came on, I think partly because she woke up hungry for a proper breakfast and also I think because she was getting a lot more proper, solid sleep rather than waking up through the night to use breastfeeding to resettle and also waking up her digestion with lots of little ‘snacks’ of milk like a tiny baby!
It was such a positive difference in her once she was getting that proper sleep that I felt guilty for not doing it sooner but sometimes you keep doing something for longer than is sensible with babies just because it feels like nothing else will ever work!
Good luck with it !

I might weaned at 10 months because I was so tired and the biggest factor that helped with that was to stop co-sleeping and putting him in his own room.

We chose to do it over the Christmas period when DH wasn’t at work so he could help deal with the nighttime upset, but within a week our son was sleeping 7-6 in his own cot and not being fed overnight.

The good news is that despite stopping the night time feeds I still breast fed him until he was almost 3 years old so night weaning doesn’t have to mean the end of breast feeding.