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Original poster

Ex Partner Struggles

38 replies

worrieddad97 · 28/11/2023 13:31

Hello everyone,

Just looking for some advice really..

I currently own a property with my ex partner whom I share two children with 3 & 5. I am unable to have the children overnight as I have moved back into my mum and dads home which isnt adequate for the children to stay overnight due to my daughter being allergic to her dogs. I have lived with my mum for 2 years now having the children 3 nights a week. I would love to have my own house and have them 50/50 but she will not sell the house or buy me out. I personally think she is not interested in resolving the house situation as due to the current circumstances she doesn't have to work as my child maintenance and mortgage payment pretty much covers everything. I have even agreed for her to take more equity than me and she still will not budge. I'm loosing my sanity because of this, I am missing milestones of my children's life because my ex partner is money oriented. I have tried everything.

Do you think I would stand a chance in court?

OP posts:
tescocreditcard · 28/11/2023 13:34

Yes, I think a court would order the property to be sold.

CornishGem1975 · 28/11/2023 13:36

Yes, you should go to court and get this resolved.

Loverofoxbowlakes · 28/11/2023 13:39

Court is the only way forward. Assuming the house is in joint names, and you're not married it is much simpler than sorting divorce finances.

It's a simple transaction really, house will be split according to how ownership was originally established.

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Original poster
worrieddad97 · 28/11/2023 13:43

I'm worried that she will stop me from seeing my children if I go down this route and don't win the case. Do you think with the children being so young I will stand a chance? Both of us are financially struggling but she will not budge as she finds it amusing seeing me struggle. I have offered 70/30 split - the house is full of equity she would have a fantastic deposit, it just does not make sense.

OP posts:
Original poster
worrieddad97 · 28/11/2023 13:45

The house is in joint names and no we are not married.

OP posts:
BoohooWoohoo · 28/11/2023 13:46

Apply for a Child Arrangement Order too so that she can’t use contact to abuse you.

tescocreditcard · 28/11/2023 13:47

Yep. Back to court if she tries to stop you seeing the kids.

Original poster
worrieddad97 · 28/11/2023 13:49

Do you think with the above facts and the children's age I will stand a chance?

OP posts:
Keepinmovin · 28/11/2023 13:49

If the hpuse is in joint names then you split it 50/50 normally and you are being very generous offering 70.30

For the kids, she can't stop you from having access. And courts will definitely be in favour of promoting access for both parents so you can go to court to secure your access.

If I were you I'd say look, if we resolve amicably you can have the 70pc but if you force me down the court route then we'll be at 50/50 and you'll be forced to sell and less money all round because of legal fees and I'll take you to court for access as well. You choose. 70pc is a great deal.

tescocreditcard · 28/11/2023 13:50

Yes absolutely

Keepinmovin · 28/11/2023 13:51

3 and 5 are plenty old enough for shared custody. You'll be fine

Original poster
worrieddad97 · 28/11/2023 13:52

Thank you everyone, a big help.

Do you think court would agree to sale of house given I have agreed 70/30 and request joint custody as soon as I am in my own place?

OP posts:
WarIsPeace · 28/11/2023 13:54

The court will usually aim to keep the status quo, so if you are having the children three nights a week now then you are likely to be awarded that formally if needed.

However how are you having them three nights a week at present if they don't stay overnight with you?

Original poster
worrieddad97 · 28/11/2023 13:56

I finish work at 4 on the days I have them, pick them up and drop them off at 7:30pm. We have to leave the dogs in my mums room and it just isn't fair on anyone.

OP posts:
WarIsPeace · 28/11/2023 14:01

Then you currently have zero nights looking after them. A court would rightly see that being a huge jump to 50/50 shared care.

Perhaps you need to prioritise getting yourself more suitably accomodated first?

Original poster
worrieddad97 · 28/11/2023 14:03

Because I am left with enough for petrol money after all of my outgoings. If I earned enough so that I could also rent somewhere as well as paying a mortgage and CM then believe me I would.

OP posts:
Keepinmovin · 28/11/2023 14:11

Right. Step 1 you need to get the house sold. Then you can move to accommodation and look to have the children overnight. The courts would certainly support you maintaining current contact levels and increasing to overnights once you are sorted.

Original poster
worrieddad97 · 28/11/2023 14:16

Keepinmovin · 28/11/2023 14:11

Right. Step 1 you need to get the house sold. Then you can move to accommodation and look to have the children overnight. The courts would certainly support you maintaining current contact levels and increasing to overnights once you are sorted.

This, I am worried further strain would be caused if I was to go down this route and the court would deny sale of the house. Then I am back to square one.

OP posts:
Pleasealexa · 28/11/2023 14:24

Does your Ex work?

The children are very young and would 50/50 work as assume you start work early and finish early.
I would advise you to write to your ex, that the housing situation needs to be resolved and you suggest mediation as a way to get a solution.
Research mediation and offer her some choices.

If no action from her follow up with a solicitors letter. Whilst you say she would have a deposit for a house would she be able to raise a mortgage? What about childcare costs? The children are very young so sickness & school holidays cover needs to be considered.

Original poster
worrieddad97 · 28/11/2023 14:29

Pleasealexa · 28/11/2023 14:24

Does your Ex work?

The children are very young and would 50/50 work as assume you start work early and finish early.
I would advise you to write to your ex, that the housing situation needs to be resolved and you suggest mediation as a way to get a solution.
Research mediation and offer her some choices.

If no action from her follow up with a solicitors letter. Whilst you say she would have a deposit for a house would she be able to raise a mortgage? What about childcare costs? The children are very young so sickness & school holidays cover needs to be considered.

Hi, she works within the government with her father.

My parents had lent me some money to send four solicitors letters and whilst I have spoken to my ex regarding these letters she just laughs and tells me I'll struggle to get anywhere.

She doesn't want me to have them anymore than I already do but won't give me a reason why. I just assume it's because if I do the CM I send will decrease.

OP posts:
Phonedown · 28/11/2023 14:40

Get a solicitor and take her to court for both sale of the house and a child contact arrangement. It is unlikely that the child contact will be 50/50 immediately because they are young and have had no overnights but you can ask the court to consider increasing it after some time has passed. All of that is assuming that you are on the children's birth certificate as their father and have parental responsibilities.

If you can demonstrate that your current living arrangements are unsuitable and temporary then there is no reason a court would not order the sale of the home. Especially as you have continued to pay into the mortgage in good faith.

You're going to have just bite the bullet and get on with it.

goldfish90 · 28/11/2023 14:51

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines - previously banned poster.

Original poster
worrieddad97 · 28/11/2023 14:57

Thank you everyone for your help on this matter. Does anyone know anyone who has gone to court for sale of house with two minors?

OP posts:
Vuurhoutjies · 28/11/2023 14:59

If she won't engage, then go to court. They will then mandate that the house either be sold or she buys out your share - whatever that level is agreed at.

As for time with the DC, I imagine the court would be pretty open to you maintaining the current level and moving up to more time once you are settled in a new place.

I'm not really sure how things will go though if you can't even afford rent right now. even if you got your portion of the equity out, if you're so broke you can't rent a place, how on earth will you afford to buy somewhere?

Vuurhoutjies · 28/11/2023 15:01

Also, sending solicitors letters with no action is just pointless. You should probably get a new solicitor as he/she should have advised you that as your ex had not responded, rather than sending more letters a better solution would be to simply actually just go to court.