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Original poster

3 month old intense crying

39 replies

12weeker · 24/11/2023 09:32

I have a 3 month old who has suffered with reflux and colic etc so not been the easiest baby. He gets quite over tired and over stimulated easily, and I think this usually coincides with him getting hungry and he then gets himself into a complete state. His cry is so intense there’s no middle ground it’s straight from 0-100 and yesterday was horrific. He was choking, breath holding, sweating, screaming (in the middle of a pub) for about an hour before he pretty much exhausted himself to sleep. I worry he’s going to actually choke or pass out so it makes me cry and so so anxious :( I try and feed him but he is too tired to feed so it makes him even more angry. He’s cried like this a few times but yesterday was by far the most extreme he’s been.

I just want to know if anyone has any words of advice on how to deal with this? I now feel like I don’t want to go anywhere with him alone, or anywhere that could over stimulate him but that limits me to very few places. He hates the pram so I’m already very much trapped in a 10 min radius of my house. Thankfully my sister was there yesterday to take him off my hands so we could tag team, but she found it very distressing too! But made me think what if I was alone or with someone I am not so close to. I wish I had someone that could be by my side whilst I look after him on a day to day basis to see if it could have been avoided but that in itself makes me feel like a bit of a hopeless mum

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Leo227 · 24/11/2023 09:35

are you doing anything to treat the reflux / colic? what time of day does this happen?

Original poster

12weeker · 24/11/2023 09:36

Yes he’s on omeprazole and tbh I don’t think this is why he is crying. It was about 4ish - I was trying to get him to nap and he got woken up three times as I was trying to put him in his pram, which I think really p’d him off! And it escalated from there

OP posts:

Superscientist · 24/11/2023 10:44

At 3 months my daughter cried and screamed for 16-20h a day. I couldn't put her down for more than 5 seconds and she was in my arms for 23h a day.
She had moderate reflux and severe silent reflux. Her GP was undertreating her reflux keeping on a low-moderate dose. We only had an improvement when we saw a paediatrician who doubled her dose and put her on the highest dose. He also told us to give gaviscon with the omperazole our GP has incorrectly told us it was one of the other. We could have had this advice earlier but all of the paeds referrals were rejected. We saw a paediatrician in the paeds assessment unit after a reaction to her 4 month vaccines.

The other thing that made a difference was my diet. I was breastfeeding and we identified about 12 foods that she reacted to through breastmilk. She now was 20 confirmed allergies.

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Original poster

12weeker · 24/11/2023 11:01

I think it’s more tiredness related - I’m just not sure how to deal with the crying myself as I get so so anxious

OP posts:

Lammveg · 24/11/2023 11:09

Have you looked up PURPLE crying?

I think the worst part of this stage is how it makes you feel. Try to focus on the fact that yes baby is crying but you're there and they are safe etc

RedRobyn2021 · 24/11/2023 11:15

Have you tried skin to skin or using a sling? Slings can make baby feel safe and secure, the motion of moving can soothe them.

The other thing is, if you're breastfeeding, feed more frequently. I used to feed my daughter A LOT. Don't let him get to the point where he's so hungry he becomes distressed and can't calm down enough to feed.

Are you feeling uncomfortable bf in public?

RedRobyn2021 · 24/11/2023 11:18

Also, you are not a hopeless mum. It's a horrible feeling when they're crying and you don't know what to do and it's can be very triggering for some people -that's a fact.

Try to remember they can pick up on your feelings, so remaking calm, focusing on your breathing and your tone can help.

Original poster

12weeker · 24/11/2023 11:42

He hates the sling, just tried him in it again and he was screaming. He is happy in his bouncer, play mat, changing table. Skin to skin doesn’t calm him

I’m breastfeeding and I do do it a lot but when he’s worked up / tired and I offer it then he gets really angry.. I’m not loving doing it in public but it’s not stopping me!

its so triggering. Was just trying to get out to take him to his weekly sensory class and the crying in the sling completely triggered me and just spent the last 20 mins crying.

he had his rotobirus vaccine the other day so think his tummy is hurting but he’s always brought his legs to his belly a bit. Not a clue why tbh which makes me feel rubbish too

OP posts:

Superscientist · 24/11/2023 12:09

Can you describe the being angry at you when feeding?

We had a feeding aversion with my daughter and she looked at my boobs like they were poison coming to get her.

Original poster

12weeker · 24/11/2023 12:43

It’s not a feeding aversion he just doesn’t want to so when he goes on he screams and doesn’t latch. He will feed later when he’s either had a sleep, or is actually hungry

OP posts:

Superscientist · 24/11/2023 12:52

That is a point by point description of what I had. Exactly!
The worst times of day were the afternoon and at 3am.
The only way I could get her to feed was to lie on the floor. It progressively got worse and only ever fed for 5 seconds during the day but fed all night but started at 3 months with fussing and refusing to latch in the afternoon just as you have described.
Do you have a fast letdown by any chance? I did and my daughter could only fed when relaxed

TinyTeacher · 24/11/2023 15:15

Have you tried a dummy? One of mine it was a total game changer. Once he'd got used to it he was much more flexible about sleeping in sling/pram/car seat, which made life MUCH easier.

Original poster

12weeker · 24/11/2023 17:28

I do have fast letdown but have seen a lactation consultant and I think mostly resolved. He doesn’t latch or even attempt to when he’s in such a state I think because he just simply needs to sleep. If he sleeps for even 5 mins he wakes up reset and will then feed.

I’ve tried a dummy sooo many times - he won’t take to it sadly but we do keep trying

OP posts:

Superscientist · 24/11/2023 17:51

That is exactly like my daughter so much so it scary!

ScoobyBooby · 24/11/2023 17:52

Does he have any allergies
tongue tie ?

Original poster

12weeker · 24/11/2023 18:38

No allergies mild tongue tie which isn’t impacting feeding (lactation consultant confirmed). My main concern is really can he actually pass out or get seriously unwell from crying so intensely?! Or actually choke? It just seems like such extreme crying I can’t deal with it, makes me feel sick with worry when it happens and nothing I do can stop it

OP posts:

esgill · 24/11/2023 19:37

Feel for you. Unfortunately can't help but following as this is our situation too. I am not sure whether it's GI issues or over tiredness but it's so frustrating.

LapinR0se · 24/11/2023 19:40

This kind of horrific crying is normally caused by overtiredness or overstimulation and the afternoon nap around 4-5pm is an absolute divil for it. they do grow out of it. If it happens again, pop him in the buggy, black it out, put white noise on and walk outside fast for 20 mins

Christmaste · 24/11/2023 19:44

White noise is good, also they might not like the pram at first but don’t panic just put them in and walk around outside for a little while and see if it helps.

Christmaste · 24/11/2023 19:44

Being outside and walking will help you even if it doesn’t stop the crying

N4ish · 24/11/2023 19:50

You mention being in a pub when this happened. I wonder if he just found the environment too noisy and got overstimulated and cranky? I know it can be really boring staying in with a baby but maybe he would get less overtired in a quieter, more soothing place?

Original poster

12weeker · 24/11/2023 19:59

The place he is guaranteed to really kick off and cry horrifically is the pram for too long so unfortunately that’s not an option (have tried and tested!). I think he was definitely over tired and over stimulated (even though he’d napped really well that day).. maybe I just need to not go anywhere for the foreseeable to avoid it, that’s what I think is the best option sadly as I can’t handle his crying like that. It made me cry!

OP posts:

N4ish · 24/11/2023 20:10

You poor thing! It is really horrible when they get to that stage of inconsolable crying and nothing you try helps. If he’s more settled at home then maybe that’s the best option for the moment. He’ll probably have a complete personality change later and love being out and about.

Namechange285 · 24/11/2023 20:21

My daughter was exactly like this. I don't have any amazing solutions but just wanted to say you sound like you're doing a great job and are a lovely mum. I drove myself crazy trying to find the problem and 'fix' it, but I never did really, she just got more resilient and less overstimulated as she got older. Try to keep getting out and about as much as you're comfortable to, give opportunities to nap regularly and know that it will pass sooner than you think.

VivaVivaa · 24/11/2023 20:24

This was DS1. He was an absolute nightmare to get to switch off. He was regularly an overstimulated mess. Literally couldn’t cope with things like baby groups as he’d be so overstimulated by the end he would cry for ages afterwards and, by default, not sleep. I totally get the overtired/overstimulated/over hungry spiral you mentioned above.

He too screamed in the pram and the sling. Again, I think it was just way too overwhelming for him and he was so dialled up sleep was completely impossible. If I walked at speed, outside, with something over his face he would eventually sleep in the sling but he could cry solidly in the pram for ages.

It got better with age. We’ve always nick named him ‘too much fun’ as still now at the age of 3 he is extremely sensitive and gets overwhelmed quickly. By 5 or 6 months he was fine in the buggy (we might as well have binned the bassinet attachment) and in the carrier. By 8 months he’d sleep in the car on the way home from baby groups or swimming as opposed to shrieking. It may have happened sooner but lockdown closed stuff for quite a while.

It’s nothing you are doing wrong. It’s all temperament. My second born (4 months) does none of the above. If he gets a bit overwhelmed pop him on the boob or in the sling and he calms down +/- goes to sleep very quickly. Hang on in there, it will get better with age!

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