3 month old intense crying

[12weeker]

I have a 3 month old who has suffered with reflux and colic etc so not been the easiest baby. He gets quite over tired and over stimulated easily, and I think this usually coincides with him getting hungry and he then gets himself into a complete state. His cry is so intense there’s no middle ground it’s straight from 0-100 and yesterday was horrific. He was choking, breath holding, sweating, screaming (in the middle of a pub) for about an hour before he pretty much exhausted himself to sleep. I worry he’s going to actually choke or pass out so it makes me cry and so so anxious :( I try and feed him but he is too tired to feed so it makes him even more angry. He’s cried like this a few times but yesterday was by far the most extreme he’s been.

I just want to know if anyone has any words of advice on how to deal with this? I now feel like I don’t want to go anywhere with him alone, or anywhere that could over stimulate him but that limits me to very few places. He hates the pram so I’m already very much trapped in a 10 min radius of my house. Thankfully my sister was there yesterday to take him off my hands so we could tag team, but she found it very distressing too! But made me think what if I was alone or with someone I am not so close to. I wish I had someone that could be by my side whilst I look after him on a day to day basis to see if it could have been avoided but that in itself makes me feel like a bit of a hopeless mum

I had to work up to time in the sling - and it helped a lot once I realised he only liked the sling if I was moving - it never really worked for me in the house. The pram only worked for me if my baby was about to nap and again if it was moving (though once baby was asleep I could often stop the pram or sit down with the sling).

but babies are individuals so this might not work for you.

Thanks everyone I feel quite a lot better knowing it’s not just me or something I’m doing, and it gets better with age.. he’s actually a huge baby (size of his 5 month old cousin) with very good neck control (can hold it up completely) so we’re going to see if he is ok in the seat attachment of the pram as just doing a daily walk for me would be good MH wise, which I feel I can’t do atm with his crying..!

Yes sit him up facing you with a nice cosy cover and he might just drift off. Best of luck

I am a doula and a vetern mum of a colic baby as well as a number of other things. I am currently working with a mother and 3 month old baby. We hang out together 2 days a week for a few hours to ease the intensity of their situation. Might this be an option for you?

I did actually have a doula come round once which did take the pressure off. It was on one of his more easy days though so not sure if she thought it was a bit pointless but I may try that again

Just to ask again re the crying, because he gets so worked up choking and crying and exhausts himself so much from it, it worries me when it happens to the point I find it hard to hold him and control my own anxiety. It would be reassuring to know nothing bad can actually happen when he’s like this? It’s like he’s so worked up he could pass out or actually choke but can that actually happen?

The MH midwives at my hospital run a monthly walk open to everyone for a walk and local area has a weekly walk organised by mum's. It wasn't possible due to covid for me to go but I would consider it of I was to have a second. it might be worth seeing if there is anything in your area that's similar.

I did weekly walks with some friends when it was allowed. My daughter only managed a minute or two in the pram and then went to the sling and then back into the pram and then the sling again. At 5 Months she started be ok in the pram and I got to do longer walks.

The only thing that stopped my daughters screaming was high dose reflux treatment

I just wouldn’t enjoy it at the moment sadly :(

I didn't enjoy a single thing until about 18 months but I couldn't stay inside with an infant that screaming 20h a day. I cried all the way home every time and I cried through most of the baby classes and was nearly admitted to a mother and baby unit at 3 months, we were eventually admitted at 10 months.
An hour or so not trapped in hell whilst wasn't good also wasn't worse than hell.

@12weeker I would 100% recommend seeing if they like the seat instead of the pram. This was a game changer for my DS (4.5 months now). He's still very unsettled and cries a lot (!) and won't be put down practically at all, but he will sit in the pushchair and go for walks and fall asleep which has made a world of difference for us!

Babies can and do pass out from breath holding spells, but it would have to be quite a long time. Blow on his face or take his clothes off to help bring him out of it.

He's not actually choking unless he has something in his mouth, the sounds he's making are probably him trying to swallow saliva whilst screaming and worked up.

If you can't soothe the upset you need to distract, a warm bath, a walk in fresh air (even if you have to carry him) or music/white noise could be enough.

It's normal for noisy environments to startle babies, especially when they're trying to sleep.

Definitely try and get someone to keep you company- a doula will have advice for you and will take over a bit of responsibility so you can catch your breath and think clearly

All that choking and everything is probably reflux poor fellow. The seat on the pram is much better for reflux than the bassinet also

@12weeker Hi, I was wondering how your little one got on as they got older? I have a 3.5 month old who’s getting worse in my opinion as he’s getting older. Has moments of inconsolable crying! No one can calm him down, he rarely drinks any formula. Can’t eve get him to drink an ounce sometimes.
I give him gaviscon twice a day but don’t know if it’s of any help. I feel so helpless at times! Just wish there was an easy fix as his screaming can be really haed to handle at times:-(

he’s now 7 months and this post I made feels like a world away. He’s so happy and a joy now.. we ended up putting him on omeprozole and from then on he got much better very quickly.

I remember thinking all he does is cry and he must be so unhappy but as I said he’s now just so happy and amazing. I really hope it’s a short lived phase for you. I can barely remember it now. It’s worth trying omeprozole but also 3.5 months is so young I think he was also just still adjusting to the world!

Also worth seeing your GP and being firm. I had to go in and say I’m not leaving without the medication. Sounds like you’re having a hard time but you will get through it, it’s just a phase I am sure