Time out in reception

[Emilyjames23]

DS is in reception, I collected him from after schools today and on the way home he told me he was a "bad boy today" he explained that he had pushed his friend when they were playing as his friend wasnt listening to him or giving him a turn and the friend had fallen back and banged their head on the window of the playhouse. He said the teacher shouted at him and put him in a time out. I messaged the school and asked to have a chat with them in the morning at drop off which they agreed to but not sure what to say? My DS is usually a very shy and gentle boy and I'd hate for him to be labelled so early in the year. I don't know if it's usual for kids to get time outs in reception, my DS has never had one before and we don't do them at home as I don't feel it's an effective behavioural management technique. Has anyone been in the same position?

How did you want the Teacher to address his behaviour if he's pushing his friend over?

What makes you think your son is being labelled? He was made to stop playing for a couple of minutes to think about what had happened after talking to the teacher about it. That’s not a problem.

It’s unlikely he was shouted at but it would have been reasonable for the teacher to use a strict voice with him considering he pushed his friend hard enough to make him fall over.

He did something naughty he got told off. I don’t see the issue or what there is to discuss.

I'd hate for him to be labelled

I don't know why you think he's been labelled, or is likely to be labelled. He pushed a child and was told off. If it's a one off I doubt the teacher will think about it again.

I know it's horrible when your child has been in trouble so early on and you feel like he's blotted his copybook, especially as that's not his usual nature - but please try not to dwell on it. His teacher won't make assumptions about him from this one incident, she will have seen countless children make mistakes and move on. They're so little in Reception and still new to school, any child can act out of character and the staff know this. I'd try to put it behind you, just reassure him that making a bad choice doesn't mean he's a bad boy, and chat through what he can do if he's getting frustrated.

Please don't be that parent, one incident is hardly 'labelling' a child and the school has to do something. I'd just let it go.

Having a period of cooling off/time out is common in school behaviour policies.

As a parent of the child who is usually the one being pushed, I think it's excellent that the school have reacted in an appropriate way.

Are you not supportive of the sanction?

Please don’t be that parent who thinks their child can do no wrong. Support the school in their behaviour management and let your son know you support the school.

By all means tell your son he’s not a bad boy, but he did do a bad thing. Give him strategies for what to do next time if his friend isn’t taking turns. This will help him not be labelled by making sure this doesn’t become a pattern.

I think I maybe didn't make it clear, I'm wanting to discuss with the teacher what exactly happened as I've only heard what my DS has said. While I don't think time out is the best method (better to sit with a child than send them off on their own as a punishment) I know this is the schools behaviour policy so I will not be questioning this with the teacher. I suppose I just want some reassurance that he won't be labelled by the teacher or other kids and how best to speak to the teacher about this

Our school doesn't do time out but they are asked to say sorry and it's explained how it's not nice etc.

My sons in reception also. He's pushed and he's also been pushed.
They sang his praises at parents evening so they deffo don't get labelled for a push and shove.

Get on the school’s website now and read their behaviour management policy. I agree with you that time outs are not effective at teaching any of this lagging skills that cause children’s behaviour. time out is out dated so I’d be surprised if it was in the behaviour policy as such. Now if he was helped to reflect on his actions and he and his friend were able to then resolve their difficulties then that’s ok. So I’d check his policy then ask them what happened.

Just ask the teacher what happened and if the other child was ok. You could also ask how your son was at apologising.

I disagree it would be better to sit with the child that had just done the pushing rather than with the child what had just been hurt. You can’t apply what you do as a parent to the way a teacher has to manage behaviour in a classroom with 30 4 and 5 year olds in it.

Where are all the staff in schools to sit with a child who has made a bad choice?

Who is with the other 29 children in the class while this is happening?

I work in a Reception class and we definitely wouldn't 'label' a child.

We completely understand that a child may have an 'off' day/week. It might be because they're tired, ill, or even because their mum didn't let them wear a Spiderman costume to school that day! Sometimes it's just because they're little and still learning how to deal with situations that make them angry or upset.

We would talk to the child about what had happened and why. We would also use it as an opportunity to talk about what they could do next time if something was making them feel annoyed or angry.

If the teacher had believed that it was a serious incident, he/she would have told you about it at the end of the school day and not leave it for your son to tell you.

The trouble is kids often push etc for attention so 'sitting with them' is basically a reward. Please trust the teacher. They are incredibly stressed / overworked at this time of year and being questioned over something like this just makes a teacher feel even worse.

I once had a parent criticise me for upsetting her precious child by yelling at / grabbing him. We were on a trip and he was messing about near a busy road, she should've been thanking me for saving his life!

Just ask the teacher what happened.

Clearly they weren't overly concerned because they didn't tell you and your ds learned it's not ok because he was upset.

Kids that age push. They have a quick consequence and the world moves on.

Just say you are unsure what to do as it's the first time your child has pushed and ask if there is anything you need to do at home or if the matter has been dealt with.

The teacher will say that all kids push, it's nothing to worry about and remind your child to use kind hands.

But this will show you take the behaviour seriously, you have no issue with the policy and reassure you it's over and a nothing thing.

In a few years you will look back and laugh at going in to school about a 4 year old pushing another 4 year old, but right now you can be reassured.

So my DS went to after school wrap around so I didn't collect him from the teach and he said the CA told him that she would "be telling his mummy" which had him worried the rest of the day. I think they didn't realise he was in after schools until later that day

If he was worried then this is good. He’s learning that it’s not acceptable to use physical force just because someone isn’t doing what you want them to do and if you do, there are consequences you won’t like.

Reception is all about learning these things, that’s what it’s for.

Hopefully a quick chat later this morning will put your mind at rest that it’s not a big deal and you can forget about it.

I would take DS' reports with a bit of a pinch of salt. No 4 year old is going to accurately recall and recant what happened exactly.

If you were the parent of the other child who was pushed so hard they fell and hit their head how would you feel ?
Time out to calm down and consider their actions is common so get over it!

I’m a teacher who has never used time out with my own dc but do use it in managing a group of 30. The strategies needed are different. If someone is showing they can’t play in that moment, removing them from the play and giving them a couple of minutes to calm down is a very sensible strategy and keeps all the other children safe. Along with then a quick chat afterwards about what was wrong and how to manage the situation better next time.

And he should be worried about you being told. He reacted physically and it could have caused serious harm (banging head). He needs to understand that is serious. It doesn’t mean he will be labelled or have a reputation forever but please don’t minimise it or focus on what you feel the adults did ‘wrong’ (as that is very much how you are coming across here). Focus on the right thing which is how you support your dc to make better choices next time he’s in a similar situation / feeling the same frustration.

Good, if he was worried about consequences! I'd be concerned if he wasn't!

Sorry OP but I think there's much more chance of you being labelled by going in and asking to meet with the teacher than a 4 year old being put into time out for a few minutes after being a bit too rough when playing