Time out in reception

[Emilyjames23]

DS is in reception, I collected him from after schools today and on the way home he told me he was a "bad boy today" he explained that he had pushed his friend when they were playing as his friend wasnt listening to him or giving him a turn and the friend had fallen back and banged their head on the window of the playhouse. He said the teacher shouted at him and put him in a time out. I messaged the school and asked to have a chat with them in the morning at drop off which they agreed to but not sure what to say? My DS is usually a very shy and gentle boy and I'd hate for him to be labelled so early in the year. I don't know if it's usual for kids to get time outs in reception, my DS has never had one before and we don't do them at home as I don't feel it's an effective behavioural management technique. Has anyone been in the same position?

I have to agree. You'll make both you and DS stand out in the Teacher's mind and not necessarily for the right reasons.

By all means have a chat OP but it doesn't sound like a big deal. Kids this age have next to no impulse control and so these things will occasionally happen. What matters is that he's being taught it's not acceptable.

We never used time out at home but it's always been used at nursery, preschool and school. Makes perfect sense in that kind of environment - child who's been bold is taken aside to calm down, child who's been hurt gets a cuddle and a check to see there's nothing seriously wrong. Ten minutes later everyone is friends again.

If the teacher thought it was a big deal she would have contacted you.

I'm juju

My phone has just typed that all by itself whilst I was making a cup of tea! I have no idea what it means. Perhaps my phone is trying to tell me something?

Sorry I agree with pp if you go in wanting a chat about a perfectly routine misbehaviour/punishment situation you’ll mark yourself as one of those parents who can’t accept their child being disciplined. I would just leave it unless there were further incidents.

Sorry I agree with pp if you go in wanting a chat about a perfectly routine misbehaviour/punishment situation you’ll mark yourself as one of those parents who can’t accept their child being disciplined. I would just leave it unless there were further incidents.

He hasn't been "labelled" he's been punished for poor behaviour. Hopefully he'll learn from it.

Even nice children behave badly sometimes. It happens.

Your son's behaviour was labelled. Your son was made to sit out because of that behaviour.
Your son obviously knows what the naughty behaviour was and so thinking about it was a good idea.
Ask him what he will do next time.
Ask him how his pushed friend is. Has he recovered?
Talk about how he was feeling - left out, cross, not listened to - and say that it was normal to have strong feelings but not to then push another person. Thank him for being honest and telling you.
Support the teacher. Ask how the other child is.

When my DDs were reception age their idea of someone 'shouting' usually consisted of a very slightly raised voice. It makes perfect sense that your son was removed from the situation. Whether that's called 'time out' or something else is irrelevant really.

Just let it go, don't go into school, they have enough going on without having to sit through this sort of discussion.

It's doesn't matter that your son is usually quiet and well behaved, they all do daft things at times, this is just the beginning of your school journey!!

Your son needs to learn his actions have consequences, start by addressing that with your child.

Yes to a pinch of salt. My 3 year old kept telling me that him and another boy were been naughty at nursey. When I told the teacher she was shocked as they 'don't use that word (naughty)'. So they may not have used the term bad boy.

My son just started Reception and has recently had a time out, too. He got it for refusing to stop playing and tidy up. I completely support the teacher in doing it, he's terrible for ignoring you when he wants to keep playing and she has 29 other children to manage, it seems like an effective way to manage behaviour on a large scale. He and another friend got it, and they just missed storytime on the carpet (although he said they could still hear it).

We had parents evening a couple of days later (excellent timing, child!) and the teacher hadn't 'labelled' him, she was full of praise but said he doesn't listen sometimes. Which I agreed with. We've talked about it at home a couple of times, he was a bit upset by the time out and said he doesn't want it to happen again, which I hope will mean he behaves better. He actually got a sticker for helping yesterday, so she's encouraging good behaviour when she sees it.

In a large class the teachers need the children to behave. Unfortunately this does mean they have to be almost drilled in compliance - because you can't have 30 four year olds doing whatever they want. So they probably won't use the same behaviour techniques you use at home, they might get upset by being told off, but there isn't much else the teacher can do because they have to behave.

Just to update, I had a quick 5 minute chat with the teacher at drop off, I explained what DS has said and that I just wanted some clarity. Teachers description was pretty much the same as DS but said he wasn't in a time out but she took him away to calm down as he was upset about hurting his friend. Im glad I spoke to the teacher and am able to talk to DS more clearly about what happened. Teacher was lovely and advised to come and chat anytime and that she would have said to me yesterday at pick up but DS went to after schools

Hi Emily, if something truly bad happens, the school will call you right there and then to report an incident with you. I'm glad it's all cleared up. I hope you're ok x