Guilt over emergency caesarean

[VenusRose]

I had an emergency caesarean with DS. I wanted to avoid CS but obviously had no choice. He’s recently developed eczema (despite being exclusively breastfed, which is supposed to reduce the risk). I can’t help feeling guilty that this is probably due to the EMCS :( I felt like a failure back then because my body wasn’t able to give birth as nature intended and now feel even worse. How can I forgive myself?

You birthed a healthy child. How they arrived is irrelevant. You carried him to term and tried your best. You are trying your best now. DO NOT KNOCK YOURSELF - its hard work.

It may well be genetic.

Its probably not due to the c-section. The difference in percentage of those getting eczema is marginal. Also, you didn't even choose a c-section. To have said no would have risked the life of you or your baby. Unfortunately any of our babies may get allergies or illnesses. It's not all within our control.

Nature does not intend for every baby to be born healthy and naturally. You haven’t failed, you grew a person and they are healthy and alive! You will never ever no the exact cause of the eczema so it’s pointless beating yourself up about it, give yourself a break.

My DD arrived by HBAC. Still got excema. It did, however, go away once she reacher toddler age. Keep up with the breastfeeding, you're doing a wonderful job of mothering. You will forgive yourself and accept that you (and all of us) are just doing the best you can.

I remember feeling like I would never get over my c section. I remember people telling me I would and I didn't believe them. I have. The importance fades as you face new and different parenting choices and challenges.
Take care of yourself x

It's highly likely your baby would have died without a section of it was an emergency...there is a high likelihood he would have got eczema anyway, I'd not give it a second thought.

Hi there, I am a midwife working on labour ward. I always tell women that labour is unpredictable. It all depends on a size and position of a baby and size and shape of a woman's pelvis. The combinations are endless and women still die in parts of Asia and Africa from obstructed labour. Don't beat yourself up. Give yourself credit where credit is due- you managed to exclusively breastfeed after a CS - it's a massive achievement. As for your son's eczema- I had normal deliveries with both my children, exclusively breasfed both and both developed eczema. One grew out of it, the other one still suffers. Don't beat yourself up, enjoy your child instead

I had an emergency section and then sepsis so I couldn't breastfeed.

I have suffered with ezcema, more when younger. DS, now 18, has never had it.

Just glad we both survived to be honest.

Please don’t overthink this, it’s just bad luck.

In my case I have two sons:
DS1 - csection and no eczema
DS2 - VBAC and has eczema

both breastfed for over 6 months

A baby who didnt survive or one with eczema ?
But probably no link.
If left to nature more babies would die that s why emergency caesareans happen
Talk to someone

I had an elective section and my son has eczema. My mum had a vaginal birth with me (and nearly died, which was one of the reasons I wanted a section), and I have eczema. It's mostly genetic, he probably would have got it anyway.

Do you think I should feel guilty for having an elective section? Be kind to yourself.

DD has eczema and I had a vaginal birth. Why are you blaming yourself for a very common childhood skin condition?

Oh please, please try not to blame yourself. An emergency section is just that, an emergency. You haven't failed at anything, what happened was necessary to get both you and your baby home safely. We are very lucky to live in a time and place where emergency c sections are available when needed. I have three children. 1-traumatic forceps delivery, 2- relatively straight forward almost waterbirth (I wanted out last minute!) , 3 - emergency section.

All three healthy babies, all breastfed, all loved and bonded with equally. Number 2 was my biggest baby, easiest birth and the only one of the three who has eczema. You didn't do anything wrong, so much is down to luck of the draw. He probably would have had eczema regardless and a baby with eczema is far preferable to the possible alternative if you hadn't had the csection when you needed it. You have nothing to forgive yourself for, squeeze your beautiful baby and try to be kind to yourself, it sounds like you've had a traumatic time. x

We always blame ourselves don't we. I had an EMCS but I didn't feel guilty, just relieved. Two years later I was determined I was having a vaginal delivery. I did, he got stuck, horrible forceps delivery and he looked like he'd gone a few rounds with Mohammed Ali (other boxers are available I just don't know their names) so I felt guilty about that. Thirty years later I still feel bad about it and he's perfectly fine and if I told him he'd probably laugh at me.

I've never heard of a connection with a CS and eczema so I don't think you should feel bad about it.

Why would it have caused his eczema? I dont think there’s a strong link; your son was born safely and without the c section would not have been.

i had two emergency Caesareans, both EBF, one kid had eczema (and grew out of it well before he started school) and one did not.

I doubt very much it’s connected but even if it is, it’s better than one or both of you being dead.

Medical info "About 28% of cesarean-born infants within 1 year of age developed eczema [compared to ] the 20% rate or occurrence seen in vaginal-born infants"

But also "Eczema, a complex inflammatory cutaneous disorder characterised by immune mediated inflammation and epidermal barrier dysfunction, is one of the most common allergic disorders in infants."

I had an EMCS, I had no choice as Ds was crashing his heart rate with each contraction and not coping with the labour any more, can't blame him after 26 hours and so medical professionals who have had trained in medicine for years made the call to do an EMCS for his safety.

You need to let go, he could have developed eczema whichever way you gave birth.

Eczema usually fades at an early age. If it doesn't, then it's most likely genetic.

Please don't worry, you've just brought a brand new human into the world and given him a life!

I work in dermatology. I have never heard of a connection between sections and eczema. Please don’t worry.

We always blame ourselves don't we.

No, we don't. I had an emergency CS over 30 years ago and if I hadn't had it my daughter would have died and I'd probably have had extreme damage and possibly died myself. Why on earth would I blame myself for agreeing to a CS in those circumstances? What on earth is wrong with our culture around birth that some women feel or are made to feel they have failed if they have a CS? I've never understood this and I still don't.

Would you rather you or your child was dead? They dont just do emergency sections for no reason. You have nothing to feel guilty for. Actually those with planned sections don't need to feel guilty either. I had two natural births and my last was an emergency section and if I ever have another child I will elect a section after what I went through with the emergency. Be proud you got through it it's not a pleasant experience!!

And fwiw my kid with bad eczema was a natural birth. Some kids have eczema 🤷‍♀️

Have you had any counselling or birth debrief following his birth? I had an EMCS with my first child and it is a really harrowing experience TBH. But I do think a lot of people just expect you to crack on and carry on as normal.

I had never been to hospital for myself before I had my DC and I suddenly had to undergo a major operation with about 60 minutes notice. I signed the surgery consent form while the consultant's hand was up my vagina. That's how chaotic it was. Then after DC was born, everyone (this is medical professionals, not just family) was preoccupied with him. But i needed a bit of TLC too. I felt like I had been torn in half and just expected to act like it didn't happen.

Counselling helped. Funnily enough, the thing that helped most was my VBAC appointment for my second DC almost two years afterwards. It was the first time someone actually discussed what had happened with my first DC. They went through my notes and explained it all to me. I went into my second CS better informed and that helped me tremendously.

I think you haven't processed your birth and may need to talk to someone. You should feel proud that you are EBF and that you went through a scary experience to birth your child.

I had a EMCS and remember feeling quite triggered by calm birth stories. I think it all feels so important when they are babies and you still have all those breastfeeding hornones swirling around but in a year or so it won't.

DS1 : born via C/S and had no health problems. Breast fed.

DS2: born via c/s and had eczema and a dairy allergy until he was over 2 years old. Also breast fed.

Don’t focus on this at all OP, I’m pretty confident there are thousands of babies out there with eczema who were born vaginally.

What makes you think eczema is related to the method of delivery?

If you read what I said it was clear I don't blame myself for the EMCS, I blame myself for the next one who had a difficult forceps delivery when I was offered a CS. To make it clear mother's always seem to find something to feel guilty about and generally it isn't.

Your editing is interesting, why not finish it off "We always blame ourselves don't we. I had an EMCS but I didn't feel guilty" Did you really only read the first six words?

You are a superstar! You gave birth to and are raising a baby and doing everything you can to give them the best chances in life. A C section is not a failure, we've evolved with big heads and narrow pelvis which makes giving birth difficult - luckily our big heads mean we're smart and have developed c sections to allow mothers and babies to survive births that would have killed them very recently. Your body survived that and is feeding your baby, making them bigger and stronger everyday which is amazing!