Is there something I’m doing wrong?

[12weeker]

Sorry this is a bit long but thought I’d lay out all the details! My 12 week old hasn’t been the easiest, he is generally fussy and although very smiley, also cries a lot.

his fussiness has started to calm down recently, where we get more periods of him being content than before. Generally this is when we’re out and about so he’s got lots to look at. He otherwise gets bored quickly, and fusses quite a bit

He gets easily overstimulated so although the contentment is nice it generally comes at a price as he is SO hard to get to sleep and If he’s over stimulated he will scream and cry when I start shhing him. He is a nightmare to get to nap even when not stimulated but worse if he is. He does EVENTUALLY go to sleep after about 15 mins of shhing, bum patting, aggressive rocking. Nothing else works. He rejects a dummy despite trying this. He started to eat his hand a couple of weeks ago, which I hope is the beginning of self soothing but not there yet. At night I feed him to sleep so that’s better. He wouldn’t feed to sleep for a nap, he regularly gets p*ssed off with me when I offer boob!

I have a fast let down so he does sometimes get very fussy / cries when feeding. Sometimes he doesn’t seem to care though. Sometimes he cries when I even just start to get him on the boob. He is EBF on demand (rejects a bottle but we’re still trying to work on this…) I’m now today going to try to space feeds out more as perhaps he’s just not as hungry? I tend to feed him whenever he wakes up from a nap, so it’s about every 2 hours I’d say

His naps generally last about 30 - 45 mins. He has napped for 1 hour before but it was a one off I think. Not a clue what I did differently. After such effort to get him to nap, this is so annoying! I try to get him to sleep as soon as his eyebrows go red, his first sleep cue

he wakes up through the night every!2-3 hours. I’ve started offering a dummy at night which sometimes works, otherwise I feed him.

im just not sure if there’s something I am doing wrong with his napping, and whether this is making him over tired, fussy, etc? I’m a bit at my wits end with it and feel like WHEN will he be a normal baby. Everyone else’s seem so much more chilled, easy etc from 12 weeks but mine just dowsnt

hes also been way more fussy the last few days is this developmental?! Just feel like we take 1 step forward, 10 steps back constantly

Oh also he’s got reflux but is on omepraxole for it. He’s gaining weight, no issues in that department

Honestly OP he sounds like a really normal 12 week old! Yes some of them are easier and more chilled, but a lot are just like your DS. Hang in there - it will gradually get easier!

Urghhh i wrote a long reply and lost it.
You're not doing anything wrong at all. Those other babies happen to be chilled through their nature and they also prob don't have reflux.
It will get sooooo much easier in time, you're doing great.

Thanks all, Anyone able to say when it’ll get easier?🤣

Get the Wonder weeks app or book. It will tell you roughly when you can expect one if the delightful 'leaps', I definitely found it made a difference to my daughter's behaviour x

You aren’t doing anything wrong at all. You can do some things to help but even then, it depends on the baby because they are all so different.

Mine was formula fed so it’s probably different but I found that spacing feeds to every 3 hours during the day helped him have good feeds instead of just snacking which helped him sleep better at night.

It’s also super easy for them to get overtired which makes getting them to sleep harder so I found looking up wake windows helped to know about when to get baby ready for a nap.

You’re doing great!

When was your omperazole dose last reviewed? We needed the highest dose to really see an improvement in my daughters feeding behaviour. We also found it was a symptom of her food allergies. She would be desperate for a feed and then look at my boobs like they were poison
I also had a fast letdown and found that expressing into a muslins for a few seconds before a feed helpful. Leaning back or lying down feeding positions also helped.
The biggest improvement came from adequate management of her allergies and reflux though

Thank you everyone. I don’t think there’s any allergy related issues (and I gave up dairy for 5 weeks and 0 difference was made). His omeprazole has been increased as of yesterday so hoping this helps a bit too. Wonder weeks I found totally inaccurate when it came to him! I’ve redownloaded in case it has any insights thiugh

You sound like you're almost over worrying about nothing really. My EBF baby was similar at 12 weeks but I didn't overthink it, just went with her and was pretty baby led in my responses. He sounds like a normal 12 week old to me.

Oh in terms of fast letdown I assume you have tried the usual reclining when feeding, feeding on side etc?

This sounds exactly like my DS was… it was really hard work. He was just not content at all, really hard to get him off to sleep in the day.

However when I did manage to get him to sleep in the day he would have really long naps if he was sleeping on me, but very short ones if I tried to put him down in his cot. I spent most of the first few months trapped on the sofa under a sleeping baby, but it was better than the screaming.

Apologies if I’ve missed it but where does he sleep in the day? He might have longer naps if you let him sleep on you. We had to do that until 6 months.

Yeah I hand express before most feeds, sometimes it makes a difference but sometimes it doesn’t but maybe I just have a really strong fast letdown? How long should I be hand expressing for? Is it better if I pump??

he naps in the Moses basket. If he naps on me he doesn’t nap for any longer but in the carrier he will nap for hours. He’s very heavy though (8kg) so that’s not sustainable I only do that a few times a week

Also, he hates the pram so much and gets extremely worked up if he goes in there so I literally do feel trapped at the moment between his tantrums (just had one!) and not liking the pram :(

Hang in there! I found it much easier once babe was in a pushchair (at 5 months I think?) so he could look around and be nosey and also when we introduced food at 6 months and he finally took a bottle at 7 months (we cracked it by doing it first thing in the morning with the tv on!) so much less pressure on me and my fast let down (or whatever the problem was, still not sure).

They change so much so quickly, all these phases do pass even if they feel like forever in the moment! Xx

He sounds pretty normal. Mine point blank refused a pram, always did. Wouldn't go in a pushchair as a toddler. I just gave up trying, she loved a sling and a carrier.

I also had a fast let down and oversupply. They get better at managing it as they get bigger. She used to be sick a lot as a newborn but became a gulper as she got bigger!

Just keep on going. It'll get better, little by little.

Has your pram got a car seat attachment? You could try that for walks, he may prefer it to lying flat… my DS wasn’t keen on the pram and I could empathise, joggling around lying flat can’t be nice with reflux.

I agree, he sounds completely normal. It is hard when they are new and you don't know them very well but I don't think you need to be chasing some perfect scenario because it won't work. You are providing what he needs when he needs it and it sounds as if things are going well.

Oh on the nap thing, we followed wake windows which was a game changer for us! Xx

I follow wake windows but even then I think he’s over tired or fights going to sleep, drives me a bit insane! He’s started crying every time I even start shhing which is a great addition! Just frustrating he fights sleep, fights the pram, fights feeding, fights the bottle, fights the dummy. Everything!!

If he’s refluxy then he probably doesn’t like lying down flat in the pram? Can you pop a folded up blanket under the head end of the mattress so he’s slightly raised? I also sometimes just popped headphones in and walked with DD in the pram, yes she cried for a bit but soon settled and went to sleep. For the first 16 weeks she didn’t nap except on me or in the car. Eventually I could move her from me to my bed and have a snooze with her and gradually she would just go for a nap lying down next to me.

Wake windows are just an average so if you think he's still over tired then adjust the timings slightly and see if it makes a difference. Sometimes even just 5-10 minutes earlier can make a difference.

It's so hard when they are in a cycle of overtiredness.

I think the main issue I have is that he’s sooo hard to get to nap.. like the rock / shh/ bum pat for 15 mins at least (putting him down he generally wakes up so I start the process again). I’m trying to give a dummy at each point I do this to try to get him to take it but he just seems so not interested! He does comfort suck in evenings so he must want it? Any tips on this would be amazing, just want at least 1 thing to have some improvement

Again, sorry to say but naps sound normal! He'll grow out it it.

What’s your diet like, OP?

With my middle baby I found when I had tea or coffee he was hard to settle. I swapped to decaf and herbal teas and that really improved things. Lots of pulses in my diet made him restless too.

Have you tried putting him down awake? Mine definitely prefered his own space and I worked out that the shhhing and patting just seemed to irritate him so I picked him up if he cried but other than that, I would put him down awake and eventually he learned how to settle himself.

You'll get there. It's just a case of working out timings and baby's preferences (which will often change next week).

If you haven't already, I'd start a simple nap/bed routine which doesn't necessarily have to be at the same time but doing the same things in the same order such as dark room, white noise, kiss, put down in cot etc which he then may start to associate with sleep.