Will I regret leaving my career job to be SAHM/ casual work.

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I have been a working mum best part of a decade. My husband and I have 3 kids 9.5, 6 and 2. We are now in a position where financially we can afford for me to not work/ work casually.

I’m 99% sure I’m going to leave my part time teaching job at end of this year to supply a little bit and mainly be SAHM.

I'm excited by this prospect. We’re thinly stretched. Husband works away a lot, long hours. He’s training to be a surgeon and not a consultant yet so has to work all over. I do all dropping off/ picking up/ hobbies/ everything for kids.

I like being with our kids. There are not enough hours in day. Teaching I love but generates jobs on daily basis that I can’t do on just my working days. Always struggling to keep up. I hate how much paperwork is involved these days.

I plan to supply casually for a few years (we don’t NEED the money but would like it and want to keep CV active) would be happy with 1 day a week on average.

Anybody done similar and regretted it?! Enjoyed it?! Will I look back?!

We desperately need some balance. Feel like we’re dragging the kids up rather than bringing them up at mo. They’re always ill and we’re all run down and tired. This will fix it, I know.

Should I?! No brainier?!

Why are YOU making all the sacrifice and enabling his earning power?

Don't do it, you're extremely vulnerable without an income

Thanks I’m going to go for it. I can always get a similar job in a year or 2 if I feel I’ve made the wrong choice. We need something to give. My kids and what I can give them time wise are most important.

Totally get people saying about pension/ divorce etc as it can happen. I don’t foresee it happening but guess that’s what everyone says! Been together 20 years and worked first 10 years being a parent. I won’t be out of the market for ever. Did supply for one year when my eldest started school (as childcare didn’t enable me to stay at current school). Still paid into pension via supply pay.

I won’t be paying extra into a pension for these few years though if I end up not working much as teacher pension works largely on big chunk of employers contributions. So not sure how that would work me paying in. On a massive side note I’m pension sceptic and 99.9% sure when we reach pension age goverment one will be means tested and/or you won’t get full one of you have government occupational one etc.

My husbands salary goes into our joint acc, I do all out budgeting/ house admin/ purchases. He’s no interest in that 🤣! He’s least materialistic person ever and shares everything. Plus we have decent equity in house, moved up over the years. First house was one we got on my salary when I was full time and he was studying many moons ago so we have lived in reverse roles where I was once the breadwinner.

As im only teaching 2 days a week now on m6. I’m on £16,000 a year for 25+ hours a week work so not falling from a great height 🤣. Teaching pay rubbish these days relative to when I started! If I had a job on £60,000+ I’d agree with sentiment of not giving up financial security.

Husband is good at what he does and needs to pass some more exams in next couple of years which I don’t know how currently we would accommodate time for that. It can be difficult to get consultants job yes. One local hospital has already said they’ll create a post for him they like him that much and he is well thought of in the local hospital groups in his department. He’s always getting prizes the little geek ❤️!

I think the only negative would be if he left me when he got his consultants post 🤣! Which I know can happen even though I think it won’t. So I’ll run the risk for a few years for the sake of all our well-being now.

Thanks for all responses and view points

The truth is that some days you will think it is the best decision you ever made and others you will regret it. I imagine teaching would be quite easy to get back into so why not. You can always try it for a couple of years till the youngest goes to school.

@HouseChainDrama I’m not a high earner on comparable salary. I’m currently a primary teacher earning £16,000 per annum. I get what you’re saying but his earnings outstrip mine massively so wouldn’t work other way around. Moved to a large family home (my doing - he’d be happy in a tent) that I cannot afford to keep us in on teachers salary sadly! Plus I want to spend the extra time with the kids 😊

@Pussygaloregalapagos I think you’re right. I will regret it occasionally when looking back through rose tinted glasses but over the next couple of years it will be the best thing ever for us. I can always get another job if I change my mind or when he’s not working away so much. Doesn’t help that my school is also super stressful at mo and been lots of managerial changes so it’s not a place I want to be for much longer anyway.

@HouseChainDrama why is the implication that the one who gives up work to care for their family is the one making the sacrifice? Honestly, I feel it's the other way round. Who wants to be the one shleping out to work long hours with the responsibility of carrying the household financially, while never seeing their kids? Personally I feel it's my husband making the sacrifice so I can be with our kids more. And before you say it, I also earn money and pay into a pension, but he's made the sacrifice of working long hours in a job he doesn't particularly like, so that I can have the freedom to have a life outside of work. Perhaps OP feels similarly.

@PollyPeep

Because the SAHM sacrifices the ability to feed and house themselves if the relationship ends. And 50 percent do. It's a staggeringly large sacrifice, your financial independence and agency. Incredibly brave

I work in health care and I’ve done a similar thing by working on the bank.
My children are in secondary school now and I’ve continued to work on the bank 2-3 days a week.
I love it. I work school hours and so have time either side for being available for chats and meals.
I pay into a very small NHS pension but my husband is a high earner and pays into a really good pension. We also have some savings.
I am aware that I would only be entitled to the pension up until the length of time we are together if we were to divorce but that is still a good amount and we should be able to retire in 10 years (age 54)
It is important to consider your pension but I also think it’s important to live now too.
The good thing about having a profession is that you can go back to it if needs be.

I don't understand. If you're paying into a pension and have a career you can step back into, it's not a sacrifice at all to me. It's a privilege.

Your husband could pay into a private pension for you whilst you are not working OP. That's the most sensible.

And all too frequently, incredibly foolish.

Your children will benefit.
You can always change back.

Normally, I would say never give up a secure job for something casual.

However- it's teaching which has notoriously long hours, supply teaching isn't necessarily a huge step down and you can afford it. There is always more supply work than you can accept.

My dd recently left a job she hated and where she was bullied and overworked. She too is wondering if she made the right decision and whether anyone will see her value. I have seen a huge change in her though, she is happy, relaxed and laughing, her confidence is coming back and she has a few interviews lined up.

Do what makes you happy.

@HouseChainDrama I may be being naive but in the event of a divorce don't each party get an equal share in the proceeds? And the wife often gets to keep the house. Is the alternative for both parents to work stressful jobs and struggle to see their kids, just in case they divorce at some point in the future? I don't see the point in living like that.

@PollyPeep

You might well get the house. But then you're a single parent with no income and a mortgage to pay. And childcare to pay while you try and return to work.

Child maintenance is naff all and most men don't pay it. Spousal maintenance is rarely awarded.

The ONLY protection women have is maintaining their earning potential. Marriage is not the answer.

@PollyPeep

Also I work full time and see plenty of my kids.

OP is teacher. She will always be able to find a job. It might be a supply work for a bit depending on area, but if you’re good they will get you in.

There is no ‘try’ to find a job here.

For other careers I would get your hesitation. But OP literally can return to work any time. There is very little risk here.

I’m an ex-teacher. I have found another job in another industry, well paid, despite being a SAHM for a few years.

If I had to maintain my 16k a year job to work a fuckload of unpaid overtime, be screamed at by irate parents about lost water bottles and act as a social worker out of fear my husband would leave me and I WOULD NEVER FIND A JOB AGAIN- literally wouldn’t have bothered having DC.

No need to be like a dog with a bone here. OP isn’t a shit hot lawyer on the brink of partnership sacking in her massively well paid job. She’s in the position of being in an industry where career breaks are common and there is ALWAYS supply and paid permanent work available if you are not shite.

OP- just make sure your husband pays your national insurance contributions (mine did) for your state pension as well as adds you to a private pension plan.

No advice OP but in a similar position myself at the moment. Been a full time working mum for 10 years. Just had second baby DS and maternity leave came to an end in October, DPs job salary has increased in the last couple of years to enable me to stay at home, so I quit my job and suppose I am now a SAHM!

I do worry about my career prospects, and also the feeling of not ‘contributing’ to the household finances as for the bulk of those 10 years I was the main earner. It’s going to be an adjustment. I think when baby DS is entitled to some free nursery house in September I might look for part time work because I do enjoy working and getting out of the house.

The teachers pension is so good I’d try & stay in it, could you go very p/t?

@fishshop

Your points are valid re teaching and picking up a role. But if OP steps away she gives up progression and thus the chance to earn a decent wage that could sustain a family. I agree she's more protected than most, but you can't support a family on supply teaching.

Her husband should be looking at reducing to 4 days to take some of the load, that way both of them can protect their earning potential and see the kids. We can and should expect more from men.

I'm like a dog with a bone as you so charmingly put it as my husband died when my kids were tiny. I'd have been absolutely screwed without my career. Obviously the 50 percent chance of divorce is much higher than the probability of death, but to give you context. Bad things can happen to anyone

I disagree with people saying you have to think ahead, what about your pension, you won’t be able to get back into work. Also people seem to think that deciding to be a SAHM is a forever decision. Such closed thinking!

What you TRULY won’t be able to do again is to spend so much time with your children while they’re young. They’ll never be this little again. Why spread yourself so thin while their dad is also training intensely?
Job opportunities will come to you if you want to get back in. Especially teaching, there’s a massive shortage, no?
I had 9 years as a SAHM and absolutely loved it. Now I’m starting a new career and finding so many opportunities because the time is right and I’m following my gut and there’s a new vibe in the air. Honestly you can’t overthink these things, and just go through doors that open for you as and when they do.

I would - if you and DH have fully pooled finances, and out of this, a set amount each month goes into a pension for you. And I'd definitely keep the supply work going so you have ongoing work on your CV. You'll have plenty of years to work, and you won't get this time with your kids again.

@HouseChainDrama yeah of course, but that isn't relevant to OP, or me for that matter. OP is a teacher proposing she cut her hours for a while, and teachers are in such demand that she'll easily get full time job when she chooses. I chose to become a freelancer and am keeping my earning power and career.

Yes I agree that for some women that it's a risk relying on their husband's salary. Not particularly in this case. Also.... There's more to life than slaving away in a full time job if you don't need to, on the chance that your partner might leave you. How sad. There's taking precautions (taking a part time job, becoming a volunteer to keep your skills, paying into a pension - these are sensible) and there's fear of leaving your stressful and poorly paid job in case your husband cheats on you and leaves you with nothing.

I also earn money and pay into a pension, but he's made the sacrifice of working long hours in a job he doesn't particularly like, so that I can have the freedom to have a life outside of work

That’s seems like quite a sad situation. Wouldn't it be better for his mental health if he didn’t have to do a job he didn’t like?