Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Partner not on board with bf newborn

38 replies

Whyoh123 · 11/11/2023 08:58

Should this be a mutual decision or mothers choice?

Why would he not support this?

Has anyone experienced this? If so how did you manage?

Not sure if this is the right chat to post on sorry.

OP posts:

SgtJuneAckland · 11/11/2023 08:59

Nothing to do with him, it's your body and your choice to BF

BudgetBuster · 11/11/2023 09:00

Good thing you're not asking to use his breasts then. What exactly is his problem?

indecipherable · 11/11/2023 09:02

Unkindly, because he thinks your breasts are for him.

Kindly, because he’s been told that BF is tiring (it isn’t) and he wants to help with feeding.

Whatever his motivation, it’s wrong for him to try to impose a feeding method on you.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General parenting

avocadotofu · 11/11/2023 09:03

It is definitely the mothers choice. And he should support whatever you decide to do!!

Rjahdhdvd · 11/11/2023 09:03

Completely mothers choice. What are his reasons? Maybe the midwife could have a word

Aria2015 · 11/11/2023 09:04

No, not his choice. It's yours. Get a midwife or health visitor to have a word to him. Breastfeeding is hard enough without the support of a partner. Don't let him sabotage things for you.

user1492757084 · 11/11/2023 09:04

Aria2015 · 11/11/2023 09:04

No, not his choice. It's yours. Get a midwife or health visitor to have a word to him. Breastfeeding is hard enough without the support of a partner. Don't let him sabotage things for you.

This!!

Topbird29 · 11/11/2023 09:05

It really is the choice of the mother at the end of the day - whatever you feel most comfortable with. Has he given a reason for his objection? Is it that he wants to help with feeding?

muggart · 11/11/2023 09:10

What a dick. He's being controlling. Can't believe he thinks it's his place to stop you doing that.

How do you feel about breastfeeding?

Original poster

Whyoh123 · 11/11/2023 09:10

I will sit down and ask him specifically why he's not supporting me In this.

He just said Il prob give up anyway, and as Last time dc1 was tt so it will be the same this time no doubt. He also said I did have the nipples for it.
He rolled his eyes when I said I intend to feed dc2 myself. Said just do it the first week then put on bottles ie formula.
I don't think it's so he can help with night feeds as he will be back in work after a week or 2.

OP posts:

Original poster

Whyoh123 · 11/11/2023 09:12

I really want to give it my best shot @muggart because I feel I gave up to easily last dc, I am now more aware of what to do in regards of tt problems etc.

OP posts:

Original poster

Whyoh123 · 11/11/2023 09:12

@muggart

OP posts:

BudgetBuster · 11/11/2023 09:13

His negativity sounds absolutely draining!

Afteropening · 11/11/2023 09:14

So when he said he wouldn’t support you BF

why didn’t you enquire why?

how long have you been together?

Original poster

Whyoh123 · 11/11/2023 09:16

@Afteropening
he hasn't actually said I won't support you

But I am going to ask him if he carrys on, maybe once baby is here

OP posts:

Original poster

Whyoh123 · 11/11/2023 09:18

I just wanted to come on here for others advice/ experience of same situation first before I speak to him about it.

OP posts:

BeautyGoesToBenidorm · 11/11/2023 09:22

My abusive ex phoned SS on me for wanting to BF, saying it was child sexual abuse... luckily they had VERY stern words with the awful cunt. I appreciate that's the extreme end of the spectrum though!

Some men view breasts as purely sexual. You BF if you want to, nobody else has the right to make that decision for you!

Ohwhatfuckeryisthis · 11/11/2023 09:23

He’s a twat. Does he put you down for other things?

Afteropening · 11/11/2023 09:23

I don’t think you will find many people with partners who don’t support them breastfeeding

and those that have had partners that haven’t supported them with bf generally tend to start many threads in Relationships

Sellingbedtime · 11/11/2023 09:23

Maybe dig a little deeper to find out if there are any slightly understandable reasons as to why he doesn't want you to, eg he wants to do his share of feeds or feels this how he will connect with baby.

But sorry it's a bit ironic a man commenting on your nipple's ability to feed! What a bloody cheek!

Babyboomtastic · 11/11/2023 09:25

I'd say like any other decision involving a baby, who has two parents, it should be a decision you both make. However, accept in a few situations that I'll mention below, it would be a pretty poor father and partner who would try to stop a mother from breastfeeding.

I think though there are instances where it's okay for a dad to say this 'isn't working for our family or our baby' for example:

Starting combi feeding when a baby isn't putting on weight and has been advised to do so by medical professionals. I don't think the mother right to ignore medical opinion trumps the fathers right to follow it.
where breastfeeding is causing significant mental health difficulties for the mother (eg D-Mer), and is causing an adverse effect on the family and cannot be and a quickly dealt with by support medication etc.
where the mother needs extra support or sleep that can only be dealt with by somebody else doing some of the feedings, and it's having an unmanageable effect on the rest of the family. Usually though this could be dealt with by the support being for other areas.
where the father is going to be a stay at home parent from almost immediately after birth, and the mother go back within a few weeks, I think it needs to be much more collaborative as to what is achievable if the mother wants to breastfeed. It might be that she could express, but in that case I think dad should be able to insist on having at least some express bottles from birth to guard against bottle refusal.

If he's not waiting you to breastfeed because he doesn't like the idea of it, or your boobs belong to him then he's an idiot.

BudgetBuster · 11/11/2023 09:25

My partner was actually the opposite, just assumed I would breastfeed. I asked him why he would assume something so important about my body, particularly as I hadn't decided myself at that point. I think pointing out to him that it was MY body and that I was also putting MY body through labour for US to have a child made him realise he shouldn't be assuming anything and rather questioning what might happen.

DoktorPeppa · 11/11/2023 09:26

This would quite honestly be the beginning of the end for me. I'm not saying I would leave somebody whilst I had a newborn but I really doubt I could be with somebody that incredibly stupid long term.

Original poster

Whyoh123 · 11/11/2023 09:32

I agree with introducing formula on the arise of any feeding problems and will be guided by midwives absolutely.
As long as my baby is thriving I will be happy.
I actually think its to do with baby becoming too needy, clingy. As he also made a comment on the next to me crib, saying don't be getting baby used to me putting hand in crib all night and that he prefers the old ways of letting them self settle.

OP posts:

Strawberrycheesecake7 · 11/11/2023 09:33

It’s your body and your decision whether to breastfeed. My DH not only supports my breastfeeding, but has taken on a lot of the cleaning/household responsibilities because it’s difficult for me to get anything done sometimes with baby cluster feeding. It’s concerning that baby isn’t even here yet and your partner is so unsupportive. Breastfeeding can be wonderful but it will be very difficult without support.

Flip

1 2