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Original poster

Partner not on board with bf newborn

38 replies

Whyoh123 · 11/11/2023 08:58

Should this be a mutual decision or mothers choice?

Why would he not support this?

Has anyone experienced this? If so how did you manage?

Not sure if this is the right chat to post on sorry.

OP posts:
Original poster
Whyoh123 · 11/11/2023 09:33

This came up when we set crib up and I told him the sides can be lower to make baby feel more secure, and close to you.

OP posts:
JFDIYOLO · 11/11/2023 09:36

Is there anything else in the mix?

Difficulties with getting baby to feed or not putting on weight? If so he might be concerned for welfare.

If not, it's likely some of this is happening:

Breasts are for sex

Your breasts are for him and he is jealous and does not want to share

The idea of you using something that is for sex with him for feeding a baby is grossing him out and putting him right off

His mother is pulling the strings behind the scenes and trying to get you to bottle feed so she can feed baby ...

Your body, your choice.

Mother & baby are a unit and you do what you want, and your midwife / health visitor / GP advise.

Needmorelego · 11/11/2023 09:37

So did you struggle with your first baby? If he watched you struggle and both you and baby becoming upset then it might think "why go through that again?".
This is a sit down conversation you need to have.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General parenting
user96327888 · 11/11/2023 09:40

There's literally no negatives for the baby. It's the best thing. What a bizarre opinion but you don't need his permission to use your own body to feed your baby.

remindersofhim · 11/11/2023 09:41

I had the same with DD after failing to BF DS. I still tried to BF her to the best of my ability.

I tried to see it from his POV, before I had my first child we both had a positive but relaxed attitude to BF. In my mind I thought yes I'll give BF a try but if it doesn't work out I'll move onto bottles no hesitation. But after I gave birth it became SO important to me to try to BF, I think it must have been the hormones or something. Obviously he didn't experience that, so I suppose from his POV persevering as much as I did put us through lots of unnecessary stress. I don't regret trying with either of my DC though and I did stop sooner with my second as we had another child to think about.

I do think it should be 100% your decision initially but if it's becoming very stressful then I think that's when you both need to be on board. I'd maybe sit down and come up with an agreed period of time that you'll give it a really good go for and if it's still really stressful at that point then you'll move onto bottles.

HVPRN · 11/11/2023 09:43

Hi. Please talk to your HV team. They will do an extra visit to support BF as this is part of the service. The HV can have a meaningful conversation which is evidenced based and it may diffuse any conflict between you and your partner, because it has come from a professional. The HV will support your right to breastfeed. I know I would.

Congratulations on BF and giving it a go. Do you follow any BF influencers on Instagram? There are some supportive professionals on there too.

volunteersruz · 11/11/2023 10:23

This is your second child with him so I’m perplexed that you don’t know what’s going on with him? Did you have issues when your first child was born with your relationship and him feeling excluded or any issues with PND or anxiety? It’s not uncommon for men to feel pushed out when children arrive but BF is obviously good for the baby if you want to BF so I’m not sure why he would be negative about it. People do change their ideas about child raising with the second but something seems really off that you can’t talk about this together.

BitofaStramash · 11/11/2023 10:26

Why would he not support the best thing for his child - and you.

Labradoodlie · 11/11/2023 10:33

Breastfed babies will (on average, of course no guarantees) be more intelligent and healthier. Mothers who breastfeed have lower rates of breast cancer.

Have you asked him direct why he wants to take away those advantages?

Original poster
Whyoh123 · 11/11/2023 10:42

No I've not asked him yet as I said I wanted to check on here for others experience.

Baby is not here yet.
1st time round it was my choice to switch so we didn't have any discussion or disagreement.
And he wasn't around as much as had to work.

OP posts:
Superscientist · 11/11/2023 11:26

I think father should still get the opportunity to express their wishes on all aspects of parenting. Just the once maybe twice. However, at the end of the day to the choice to breastfeed is 98% the woman's choice with the other 2% logistics and wellbeing that might over ride choice. The choice for me continuing was taken out of my hands due to my health

InTheRainOnATrain · 11/11/2023 11:36

I don’t know tbh. If you really struggled last time eg there were weight gain concerns, you were in pain, no one got much sleep, you struggled mentally from the pressure you put on yourself and you ended up switching anyway, at which point baby thrived and you were doing much better too then I would totally get where he’s coming from. If it’s about wanting proprietary access to your boobs then yuck. Talk to him.

Beachwaves127 · 12/11/2023 01:28

No advice except I don’t believe I could have bf as long as I did without the support of my DH. Hope you manage to have a sensible conversation op xxx

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