How to raise intelligent children

[wowsers6]

I've got a DS1 and I'm really keen to give him the best chance of using as much of his potential as possible to become intelligent and get ahead educationally.

It makes a big difference to things like how much they enjoy school to be smarter younger so I'm wondering what tips people have to raise smart kids?

He's shown an early interest in reading letters and numbers and counting so I want to do as much as I can to nurture it.

Any tips?

Follow your child's interests. Don't force onto them something that they don't want to do, even if you think it would be good for them. Discuss their thoughts and thought processes.

Create a safe place to be themselves, to talk to you about the things that upset them, or they are worried about.

Then encourage them to go out of their comfort zones. This is when they learn a lot about themselves, about perseverance, and the will to live and love.

I forgot to add, use actual words rather than baby words (doggy etc) I talked to them using elaborate words from birth. Another one is to have trust in them. Don’t but in and overpower them, only offer help when they need it (or it is dangerous). Show them respect and don’t patronise. Give them responsibilities. Be very open to learning from others around you. My children have learnt so much from strangers! Model that learning is a life long process - show them that you love learning yourself, read a book, go to exhibition, learn a skill, model gratitude and resilience

I forgot to add, use actual words rather than baby words (doggy etc)

This one is the other way around isn't it? I think words like doggy, ta-ta etc are easier for little ones to learn. Parents naturally speak in that (annoying!) singsong way as it helps language development. I think it's called motherese or something like that.

I don't think it's worrying. I want ds to be the best version of himself that he can be and that includes promoting his education in the widest sense of the word. It doesn't matter to me how intelligent he is in the sense that I don't care if he goes on to be a surgeon or barrister or scientist or academic or any of the other things associated with intelligence. I care that he goes as far as he individually can and that I nurture the talents and interests that he shows. He'll choose his own path at the end of that. I think that's just investing in your child.

I'd try to nurture curiosity in your child and make learning things fun. I'd also try to promote good personal skills like independence and self motivation, empathy and social awareness and awareness of the world we live in. I think it's important to remember that there's lots of different types of intelligence and ways of learning so I think it's also about watching your child and trying to identify how they like to do things. For example I've noticed that my son 11mths will watch something over and over again and then just do it, whereas my friends son of the same age will plough ahead and physically try and fail repeatedly until they figure something out. So I will model things for my son repeatedly that I'm trying to help him learn as that seems to connect for him best.

I would also say, a safe, loving and emotionally secure home goes a long way to helping children thrive. So look after yourself and make sure everyone is doing their part in providing that as well.

And the other thing I think is reading. Reading is massive.

If mine asked me a question I always found out the answer for them or helped them find the answer. . Sounds trivial but it's not.

Read, read, read. Reading builds a bigger vocabulary and a wider vocabulary has been linked to higher educational attainment.

Some fab advice already posted.

I’ve two late teen DC, both bright, articulate and emotionally intelligent, which makes other people engage with and listen to them.

Talk, listen, discuss, debate, give in a bit, don’t be afraid to let them play Xbox, they connect with friends on there too.

We’ve always talked about all subjects with DC from an early age, age appropriate and when they ask something related. Eg ‘Why am I not christened’ or ‘Who did you vote for?’ politics, religion, war, relationships, psychology of behaviours and mental health are topics the naturally grow an inquisitive mind.

Don’t be too prescriptive.

Read to them!! Visit galleries, museums. Read to them. Talk to them even when they've got no idea what you are saying. My daughter isn't naturally the cleverest but she's very well rounded and can pick
Up ideas etc easily. She's very bright and articulate. Read to them. I've always read to her every night. She's 13 and still loves me reading to her at bed time.

My eldest is 10 and he’s really bright, although I do believe that some kids are just born that way, you can’t force a child to be ‘intelligent’ however that is defined.

However, we are both arts graduates (eng lit and history) so it has come naturally to us to pass our interests onto him! I have read to him every night since he was born, a mixture of fiction and non fiction. We visit libraries, museums and places of interest often. His dad is a big history buff and also loves geography and flags and DS is exactly the same. I don’t know if it’s something we did but he just naturally has a love of learning, his teachers have always commented on that. We try to encourage him to use his own mind and if appropriate if he asks a question respond, ‘what do you think?’ Or ‘why do you think they do that?’ He has always been very inquisitive and ‘needs to know the ins and outs of a ducks arse’ as my mum puts it haha.

Like a lot of 10 year olds he goes on his Play station, watches stupid videos on YouTube etc so its not like he’s sat reading the encyclopaedia Brittanica every night.

Read to him every day, listen and respond to him, be child led in play.

Emotional intelligence is just as important. Teach them to be ‘good’ people, that see the value in others, teach them to be leaders, to be kind, thoughtful, and considerate.

Intelligence in the way you are describing it is either there or not. No amount of teaching, forcing or pushing will change that.

Children need love and support to be whoever they are to be.

Read to him, anything and everything. Labels, signs, magazines books. And encourage curiosity. Although you might want to scream, answer his 10million questions, using full and accurate explanations and then ask him for follow-up questions. Maybe then follow-up with looking at some books about it, or going to the library to 'investigate'
There are some brilliant learning games around too. Orchard Toys make the best ones IMO

I have a very curious child and asks A LOT of questions. Don't feel you can't say I don't know, and leave it there. Let them really want the answer, suggest some ways to find out but don't do everything for them. Try to let them figure it out - that's also a part of learning.

My 11 year old has been begging me to get him a book on how to be a pilot. Not that he wants to become a pilot but he's eager to find out how a plane works and he's watched a ton of YouTube videos and played on a plane simulator.

Don't feel you need to ban them from YouTube and games. They can be useful.

Why have you said don’t send to nursery please?

I’m not trying to be argumentative but just wondering as I’m thinking about whether or not to send mine to nursery. I’m really curious to know your reasons and opinions.

Understand that your role is more of a gardener, or shepherd, than carpenter or engineer. Your child isn't a blank slate to mould into whatever you want, they are a unique individual. You can nurture and support them with the most nourishing soil or pasture, protect them from danger and not restrict them but you can't make them into something they aren't.

If you want to maximise his potential I think the most important things are curiosity, confidence, emotional regulation and varied experiences. Forget about numbers and letters, that doesn't matter, he can learn those any time and be fine.

Be curious about knowing him as a unique individual. Lean in to his passions. See him as competent from birth.

Unfortunately although it's not palatable there probably is a significant advantage to growing up in the best area you can afford and the best schooling that you can afford. If you have money to throw at things choose that.

Also protect and preserve your own mental health as much as possible by having any therapy that you might need for past unresolved trauma.

Some good books

The power of showing up
The gardener and the carpenter
The blank slate
Your self confident baby

Generally intelligence is genetic. If child is intelligent then reading,interesting days out ,chatting,will enhance any intelligence the child was born with.

Yes. Baby language actually helps little brains develop. It went out of fashion for a while but it’s definitely alright to say doggy and ta ta etc once again

Read for fun and be led by your child’s book choices. Better off excitedly reading lots (thoroughly enjoying multiple plot twists in captain underpants books, Beano, Harry Potter?) then enduring some dry and uninspiring literature, eventually hating reading.

My eldest is honestly super smart but it doesn't necessarily show at school as much as it should as he struggles so much with writing and presentation.

Newuser75 - I get this! My parents evenings are spent going from teacher to teacher hearing how lovely he is, how well he's doing, but how hard it is to read his work (honestly, I have no idea how they manage it).

He's just switched to a computer now, so I'm hoping that'll help (at least with everything but maths.. I will be continuing to apologise to his maths teacher, and trying to train DS to keep his equations neat :) )

It's also adorable how he has neatly ironed uniform, yet the moment he walks away from the car it looks like he slept in it and had a rough night!

Just to add. Fear can hold dc back from enjoying life. So plenty of opportunities to explore outside, to climb to see how his body works and to feel confident in himself. Lots of fun exercise and opportunities to try out new things.
Sometimes the most intelligent dc are not the ones who succeed best at school . It's that kid who is ready to take on new things, who is confident in who they are, who is not easily swayed by peer pressure and who just likes to get stuck in and enjoy new experiences.

How to raise a child with a sense of discovery and a desire for learning you mean?
You can't just make a child intelligent or not! Perhaps your thread gives us a clue to the fact you probably won't have birthed the next Stephen Hawkins!

A really mean post.

And it's Hawking, so perhaps your own sense of discovery and desire for learning aren't the best if you couldn't be bothered to Google the name of the most famous scientist of our times.

100% agree with this - great advice!

You can't "become intelligent" - you can however nurture a child, give them plenty of opportunities to play, to be a kid, to use their imagination, to run, to explore, to have fun. Free play and unconditional love and acceptance is so much more valuable than any amount of hot housing. What if he isn't naturally acadamic? What if his talents are art, or building things, or looking after animals? Will you still love him then? Enjoy your son, spend time with him, find out who he is and what he loves and then nurture the hell out of that.