How to raise intelligent children

[wowsers6]

I've got a DS1 and I'm really keen to give him the best chance of using as much of his potential as possible to become intelligent and get ahead educationally.

It makes a big difference to things like how much they enjoy school to be smarter younger so I'm wondering what tips people have to raise smart kids?

He's shown an early interest in reading letters and numbers and counting so I want to do as much as I can to nurture it.

Any tips?

@Puffalicious it is true in that there are many studies showing high correlation between maternal academic achievement and children academic achievements. My guess would be that mothers are usually more involved in raising children.

Look at the list of things mentioned here. A well educated mother is more likely to read to their children, take them to museums, arrange music lessons, etc.

*We go however have a house of books, lots of board games, and eat dinner together with no electronics and talk- about all sorts, if we don’t know the answers to random questions we find out together. Holidays aren’t spent at all inclusives consisting of beach/pool/bar, we go to places with ruins and museums and things to do.

I’ve also read that kids who go camping and spend time in nature do better at school. We all do scouts and camps etc*

I agree Brie&Chilli. Sounds very much like our house as they grew up. Their dad also did lots of 'Let's build/make/ figure this out' stuff.

Read the book Grit (or listen to the audiobook as I did) by Angela Duckworth. It's a really interesting thesis on how success is down to determination and resilience, rather than innate intelligence. I highly recommend it!

Don't wish that on him, many intelligent students struggle with anxiety and school refusal in their teens. It's a fact.
I always encouraged mine to have an open mind, be willing to challenge certain beliefs, pursue what they love.
I also think it's more important to be kind than intelligent, we have enough intelligent people, but looking at state of the world today, nowhere near enough kind ones.

Reading. Reading. Reading and more reading! Then talking about books and stories lots too.

1. free flow play
2. Independance. This is massively important - if kids are wasting brainwaves stressing at school because they can’t clean themselves after a poo / feed themselves / change their clothes / make friends they won’t have the bandwith to learn. And those early years are vital in helping kids enjoy school.
3. encourage curiosity by answering their questions and rewarding them for asking questions. Encourage independant problem solving through real life puzzles - eg how to lock / unlock doors, how to clean up a mess, cook etc (sweeping / cooking / baking are algorithms and similar to coding).
4. Get them playing outdoors after school. This builds an exercise after school / work mentality that will help them in the future

Play IS learning for children. Children are generally naturally curious creatures. Foster this curiosity.
Read, read and read some more. Expose them to books via library and bookshops.
Music
Arts and crafts (especially child led to encourage creativity)
Puzzles and jigsaws
Open ended toys
Lego/Duplo
Play kitchen and role play
Encourage them to be involved with baking and cooking

Beyond that, just enjoy him.

I genuinely believe a lot of it is to do with reading to them from an early age. We did this with the eldest from birth, she then devoured books and loved learning. I def think it's connected as we're not extremely clever but the children have turned out to be.

That is really interesting. I've always attributed their smarts to their father, but I was the one who read to them from the moment they were born/ did museums/ city trips/ choir/ instruments/ puzzles/ role play whilst he did more of the sports/ outdoorsy/ building / cooking (we split when they were 4 & 2).

I'm delighted they're both great cooks - DS1 at uni putting flatmates to shame & saving a load of money into the bargain!

He's either intelligent, or not

You can't change that

You can increase his knowledge though by doing all of the above

Read to them a lot! Talk to them as an equal. Show them how to think as opposed to what to think. Ask them loads of questions and genuinely listen to their answers and have discussions about stuff over dinner etc. be prepared to hammer in the stuff like reading, writing, spelling, tables, fractions… they never do it enough at school. Wide range of interests and let them gradually whittle them down, encourage them sticking to the ones you know they love, even when it’s hard. Listen to them, talk and engage and ask about their day, watch tv together and discuss it. Look after a pet, tell them about life, that it’s sad for some people and why, help them help people and help animals, show them why things are unfair and show them ways they can help. Don’t expect them to be good at everything. And if you can’t swim, get them lessons and go out cycling with them. I had a horrible childhood and I’m not very clever or successful. That’s the stuff I tried to do with my son and honestly… he ended up with straight A’s, brilliant offers to university, a fantastic job an amazing girlfriend… I have none of that, I honestly am pretty useless and that’s the truth. But all that stuff seemed to work. And we made loads of Lego together, baked , watched Masterchef and read each other stories with a torch under the covers for a laugh. I don’t know how he ended up so clever but that’s everything I did. Xxxx

Read to them. Visit libraries, museums, theatre. Follow their interests, play with them, talk to them!

I was listening to a Consultant Paediatrician speak recently (wrt neurodevelepmenal disorders) and she said whilst genetics are fixed at conception, nurture starts here too. Maternal mental/physical health, stability, diet, habits, wellbeing etc all affect the brain development of the foetus.

Do stuff, but enjoy it. Pay attention to him, talk with him, enjoy your time together.

Practically, count up and down steps, read to him, build towers, play on swings.

You can't make a kid intelligent, but you can foster curiosity, a love of learning and confidence

All of this!

Books!

Make sure they can get themselves dressed and undressed with minimal help before they go to school, including getting their shoes on and off.

On this, my eldest is dyspraxic, so whilst yes, he could dress himself by school, that was with accommodations like elasticated trousers, not caring if his jumper/trousers were backwards, velcro shoes, and he didn't put on his own socks until he was about 8.

In fact, he still wears elasticated trousers to secondary school, doesn't button his top shirt buttons and the rest stay done up and he puts it on like a jumper (the easy-dressing shirts were diabolical), and wears slip on shoes.

My point being, challenges don't affect intelligence, so go with the flow, and don't give them a hard time if it's something that's genuinely harder for them than for other kids - you might not realise (it took me having 'normal' DS2 to realise how different DS1 was)

I think a lot of "intelligence" is just innate to the individual but what you can do is nurture passions, interests, and give them lots of love and attention. I got a first class oxbridge degree coming from a pretty rubbish state school - my parents weren't academic and never pushed me to study or do anything. They always encouraged reading though (it was the family joke I was a young Matilda) and took us to museums at the weekends. But I've always had a drive and thirst to learn and I don't know where that comes from. It's also not made many other elements of life or growing up any easier (hated school etc). Also - I spent a HUGE amount of time growing up watching TV and playing video games. Didn't do me any harm whatsoever.

With my kids now - one is autistic and at a specialist school - and all I care about is that they are happy and pursue whatever they care about. So it's the same approach I give my NT child who was hyper verbal from a young age and v "able" in mainstream setting. Nurturing passions and giving space and attention to helping grow those.

As others have said - when it comes to a successful life, I think grit and perseverance is what helps a career. And as for getting into the best universities, many fellow oxbridge students had had tons of help from private schools and tutors and academic parents. They struggled with the learning style there and with the exams more than those who got there by themselves (anecdotal but frequently the case). Had successful careers though, which was due to connections often. So there are many factors to all of this stuff!

• as much time as possible outside, and being allowed to get wet, muddy, barefoot, etc
• open ended and self directed play
• reading and books
• open ended toys
• time to get bored

Emotional regulation is really important.

Help your child by making them feel safe, secure and understood. Help them to understand their feelings.

Show them attention and lots of it. Limit screens.

Oh and reading. Lots of reading and make time for chat. Engage it all of the chat, noise and ramblings and explore what they are saying. Even the silly bits.

Expose them to lots of things and lots of people to help them navigate new situations and practice social skills.

Don't focus on the "school" bits before school. They pick it up so quickly.

Chat with them.
Ask them what they think.
Ask them what they feel.
Read to them. Ask them what they thought of the books, felt, what character they liked.
Watch TV with them and ask them what they thought/ felt/ liked/ disliked about what you watched together.
Share what you felt/ thought too.
Make sure they know from your conversations that you're interested in their thoughts, feelings, tastes, and preferences.

User Dh was the same. Got to Cambridge first in family to go to university both parents left school at 16 and did blue collar jobs. They were unable to help or nurture him educationally at all. So I am not convinced that these parental efforts make a huge difference

show an interest in everything as if seeing it through his eyes and make his experiences of finding out about the world joyful. Instill a love of learning

YYY to this.

My TV was rarely off when the DCs were small.

This isn’t true. The research consensus on general intelligence (‘g’) says that it is largely genetic and not malleable. Few things can positively influence it and conversely, it is hard to negatively impact it (for example, things like poor nutrition don’t do much to degrade it).

As others have said, a good environment can support other important factors like social development, curiosity, and confidence. These things can have a huge impact on how much innate intelligence is actually utilised.

I wouldn’t be thinking about this for such a little one though. Playing should be his priority and the rest will follow!