How to raise intelligent children

[wowsers6]

I've got a DS1 and I'm really keen to give him the best chance of using as much of his potential as possible to become intelligent and get ahead educationally.

It makes a big difference to things like how much they enjoy school to be smarter younger so I'm wondering what tips people have to raise smart kids?

He's shown an early interest in reading letters and numbers and counting so I want to do as much as I can to nurture it.

Any tips?

100% this.
I have 2 DC with a 3 year age gap. Same schools, same upbringing, same everything.
One did terribly at GCSEs and works in a pub (but happy with his life so that’s fine with me). The other is at Cambridge. She had a thirst for knowledge and worked her arse off, and I take no credit.

Mine are both very bright.

I had a no screens or TV at all rule until the eldest was 5. The youngest was probably about 3.5 when he started being allowed to watch it. It was never on in the background either.

Mine are too - they both have had ipads basically attached to their left arm since they were toddlers... Never had any interest in TV (which is very normally on in the background - and I don't mean the BBC news). I'm not convinced that screen-time is the problem, more how parent's interact with them - eg. I always have an ear open to what they're watching, and tell them to watch something else if inappropriate (or annoying), if it's interesting, I listen too, and strike up conversation on the subject either then or later.

Youtube is chock full of genuinely interesting stuff, it's nothing like the 2 hours of kids TV we watched with no alternative when I was a kid 30 years ago.

Have dinner as a family at the table together. Evidence shows children hear more rare words this way through talking about life than they would hear when reading books (and will therefore have a better vocabulary as a result, leading to a better understanding of the curriculum etc etc)

If no telly makes you brainy why was everyone pre 1950 or whenever tvs came in not super bright?!

Read to them. Every night, e courage them to read and let them see you reading for pleasure.

All all honesty it's not about early academic success, it's about giving them a wide range of experiences, allowing them to be a kid, engaging with them on a wide range of topics.

One of mine was reading at 3, the other was much delayed and dyslexic, both are very academically successful, and my "slower" child arguably has the best prospects, pretty outing to explain but they are pretty exceptional though I say it myself. One skill they cited as being the most helpful was that I included them in adult conversations, at dinner parties etc. wide range of cultural influences so in their profession they now realise that they can converse easily on a wide range of subjects.

Our DC have definitely heard more swear words this way as dh and I discuss our annoying colleagues after long days at work.

"Mummy, what's an incompetent wanker?"

I think the best thing you can do is take the pressure off (really!) for the sake of his mental health.

AND read, read, read to him. Very little tv, lots of talking and reading. Take him to exciting and interesting children’s theatre productions or museums or galleries, listen to varied music, see live music and dance. And read, read, read.

OP, you have had some great advice here. There is not much you can do about innate intelligence but you can foster strong work ethic, perseverance, curiosity - those are the things that make a difference. Have a look at the research that suggests what sets true genius apart if the amount of 'practice' hours - calculated to be about 10,000.
My ds is very clever (think top 10 of his year at Oxford) but what has always set him apart is his ability to focus, to not give up, and to work really hard and to be ambitious for himself. With luck and a fair wind that will get him to where he wants to be in life

My sister and i both excelled at school (straight A* a-levels , first class degree types) whereas my parents barely have a handful of GCSEs between them.

I personally think it was down to how much time and effort they put into us as children. We were read to every night, taken to farms, museums, for walks and to lots of activities (mostly free stuff mind - it doesnt have to cost a lot of money to be engaged)

Neither of my parents put any sort of pressure on us acadmically and always supported us in whatever we wanted to do.

I think parents who focus too much on school work end up with children who are stressed and resentful towards education

Whilst having parents that make a big effort to foster learning isn't always helpful, having parents that actively discourage it is very damaging. I've assisted dc whose parents laugh at them for being clever and call them a 'nonce' for reading books 😔

We listen to a wide variety of music and live if we can. Reading, talking and engaging. Making learning fun and non pressured. Answering questions and following interests. Coming back to things if you don’t have time. Intrinsic motivation rather than extrinsic rewards. Playing an instrument and learning another language. Practising a sport. Arts and expression. Practical life skills - Maria Montessori.

Fostering emotional intelligence is so important - recognition and management of their own emotions, resilience and coping skills, empathy for others, practising gratitude. Being compassionate. Encouraging them to be comfortable in their own skin but respectful and celebrate differences of those around them. To be happy for other peoples success.

A lot of intelligence is genetic, so you can't do much about that.

Children are also at a massive advantage if they have parents who are themselves well educated and articulate. If your conversation consists of "I was like... and she was like... OMG", then your child will sound thick. However, if you yourself enjoy language and enjoy manipulating it, this will be a massive advantage to your child.

Otherwise:

Talk to him, all the time.

Read to him, morning, noon and night. There are endless good children's stories (and lots of bad ones, too - be selective). But you can also read fun poetry to very young children. They will often laugh at onomatopoeia and 'silly rhymes' even if they don't fully understand the content. Books need to be an integral part of life. We have literally thousands of books, because I would rather buy a book than buy pretty much anything else. I always told the DC when they were little that their book budget was unlimited, but I wasn't buying more toys.

Sing to him.

Introduce letters and numbers as part of ordinary life, not as a "school thing". If you go to visit a friend who lives at 123 Acacia Avenue, get him to help you find the road (ooh, look at all those 'a's in Acacia Avenue - and those are the sound 'a', not the letter "A"), and the number.

Eat meals together, and focus on conversation, not on what he is eating.

Take him out and about - shopping, the park, the library, playgroups.

Let him discover the world as his own pace - poking in puddles, building dams, playing with sand and mud and stones. Let him tell you what he's doing. Guide him, but don't tell him. Be excited with him. Don't worry if he gets wet and muddy. He is waterproof, and clothes can be washed.

Expose him to the widest possible range of people of all ages.

Involve him in what you are doing - counting, weighing, folding.

Don't send him to nursery.

Keep him away from screens.

Even if it's entirely genetic, all of the above will do no harm at all!

This. It's not enough to be physically present, but emotionally available to take an interest in what they are doing. Going for walks, collecting leaves, building a den, doing lego together, even just chatting whilst you do boring stuff together like folding laundry make a difference. Many parents talk at their dc rather than with them.

Read to him.
Talk to him.
Don't park him in front of a screen too often.
Take him to interesting places - not necessarily expensive though. Museums, castles, the park, the beach, the library.
Talk to him some more.
Read to him some more.

Read to them. Talk to them about everything. No subjects off the table. Framed in an age suitable way. Encourage independence and independent thinking.

Do everything with them. Give them opportunities to try stuff. Even if that's just DIY.

Don't force it, but if you can, read books, use STEM based toys, get outside with nature (helps the Science bit of STEM), puzzles are great, there are also some netflix childrens shows that are science, word or number based for young children. Even the ones like "Rosie Revere" both show inclusivity and science based themes throughout which if you need an ipad break helps.

Buy last week’s TES and read the article about the effect of parents over stimulating or over scheduling etc their kids. Useful advice.
Otherwise, just make sure your child has plenty of experiences, appreciates nature and the outside world and develops empathy for others.

And if they ask questions, instead of saying "I don't know" start by asking "why do you think that is that way"?

Don't hothouse them into early reading, writing, numbers etc, but instead spend lots of time with them playing games, talking, exploring, cooking, giving them time to create their own activities etc.

What they choose to do can be very random - DD1, for example, used to spend hours making weird things out of wooden lolly sticks and sellotape!

I am a great advocate of simple child-led activities - lots of time with primary carers, very little screen time in the pre-school years, and lots and lots of story time. Some of my happiest memories with my little ones are of sitting reading books together for hours! They are all smart and doing well (four aged 16+ now).

I think this to. Encourage him to always try his best, pursue his interests, but don’t ever put pressure on him. My parents did exactly this and I’m so grateful. And I’m conventionally ‘successful’ in life, with two degrees. All under my own steam though

Ah this rang a bell with me. My eldest has dyspraxia and although we knew before we had his brother we didn't quite realise how badly he was affected until he came along.

My eldest is honestly super smart but it doesn't necessarily show at school as much as it should as he struggles so much with writing and presentation.

My mum left school at 14 barely able to read having been diagnosed with fairly bad dyslexia. She wanted us to all have a chance but was limited on what she could teach us. I do remember that being around 7 and knowing I had to be quiet that I had gone past my mum.

She taught us to learn. She taught us to love books and filled the house with them. In the summer holidays we had weekly trips to the library taking out the full amount each time. She taught us to be inquisitive and found us extra support when we needed.
She read her first book as an adult when I was 14. Harry Potter since she has always had a book on the go. She did a college course and then another.
I have a PhD, one of my sister's is an accountant and the other is high up in health and safety. My mum says "I couldn't teach you much but I taught you to love to learn and that was enough" it really was. We are inquisitive and always want to hear and learn new information. I have worked with some truly astonishingly clever people and being inquisitive is the common traits. Rarely were they people identify as super smart at school more the quiet ones that sit back.

Hopefully he has good genetics, many studies show that some people are just not that intelligent and not much can change that. I have taught children who have gone to Oxbridge and their siblings barely passed any exams, this happens more often than you might think. Don’t put him under any pressure, let him explore and learn and don’t be upset if he doesn’t turn out to be that clever.

Read to your DC, every night and if they bring you a book read it.
Introduce them to music and singing, it doesn’t matter what sort of music. There is a relationship with maths and music.
Take them with you when you go shopping, go for a coffee, teach how to behave in every situation. So many people take the easy way out and try to save time by leaving their DC at home. Children learn very quickly how to behave and learn so much from social interaction.
I had no one to look after DS when he was little so he went everywhere with me. I remember going for a echocardiogram ( ultra sound scan of my heart), it takes about 20mins and obviously they don’t like children running around because the room is dark.
The sonographer told me that they were unable to look after DS, I said that he would sit quietly until she was finished, which he did , to her obvious surprise. He was 3.
Both DSis and I introduced our DC to restaurants and cafes just after birth. There was one rule, if they misbehaved we walked out.

The preschool years are for socialising, learning language and an extensive vocabulary to prepare them for school. There is little point in knowing how to read on your first day in reception if you have zero social skills.

I remember telling my son that mums know everything. It was a passing comment. He spent 7yrs trying to catch me out, he would have a new question every morning on the drive to school. It opened up some interesting topics of conversation and I probably learned as much as he did. If I didn’t know the answer I would do my research for later on.

Make every experience a learning experience. From teaching them how to ask for tickets in the cinema to finding their seat number. Weighing out ingredients when baking. Reading road signs and recognising routes and landmarks. The first letter my DS recognised was M for MacDonalds, he’d only been there once but like most kids it made an impression. He pointed out the M sign as we were driving past.

DS was fascinated by dinosaurs and learned the names of all his toy dinosaurs. He would correct me on my pronunciation when I was reading to him. By the age of 7 he had an encyclopaedic knowledge about dinosaurs and the time they lived, all of it self taught.
If they have an interest, encourage it. He had a friend who could do the same with cars.

You can’t make them intelligent but you can help them reach their potential.