Rehoming cats dilemma!?

[abbieirish]

Not really sure what I'm after from this post. Just advice support and opinions please. Definitely not hate or shame please as I'm at my whits end.

At the end of 2018, after years of wanting a dog and being unable due to work we decided to get 2 kittens. We quickly fell absolutely in love. Covid hit and i was from home full time and then after that most days at home. Obviously they became our absolute world, and us theirs.

Due to where we live the boys are 100% house cats not going outdoors at all.

For context, black cat is a proper slinky, silky typical cat, sooo super clever, loves to play and hunt and is into everything, but also loves a cuddle. B&W cat is a fluffy lazy cat who has a lot of health issues (heart murmur, underdeveloped lungs and probable neurological issues), and so is very dopey. He mostly likes to sleep but is pretty agro and does hiss etc if you even look at him wrong. Fluff cat goes to the groomers every 8 weeks (as he won't tolerate being brushed and will matt else).

Everything was all fine and dandy until we got pregnant. We were trying so not a surprise and we were over the moon! We had our lovely son in July and are just besotted. However we are now having so many issues, a lot of which we were having before but now I just can't tolerate or put up with anymore.

Firstly there's the hair. Everywhere! We've replaced all our carpeted floors for hard floors due to this other then a carpet runner up our stairs. This gets so hairy and black so quickly that I have to hoover it every day or it's just gross, and obviously I don't have time for this now! There's always cat hair on our clothes, in baby's bed and what's worse they keep getting in his mouth too. The other day I nearly lost the plot when I saw a cat hair in his eye!!

So secondly, black cat can open doors! Our house has the push latch, cottage style door handles and black cat has figured out how to open the doors. He jumps up putting his paws onto the push down bit and holds on until the door swings open! He's come in on me in the bath, people on the toilet, when my in laws stayed a few weeks ago they heard the almighty crash of him jumping up onto it and letting himself into their room...3 times!!! It also means he can let both of them into our room, where baby is obviously currently sleeping! Due to this we took to locking them in the extension room downstairs at night which they can't get out of but they just spend the whole time in there crying and meowing at the door, constantly! They also took to weeing on everything in that room including all new baby stuff like a rocker chair my grandparents bought him which had to be thrown and a breastfeeding/sit up pillow, as well as the couch and arm chairs in there! So eventually when we'd decided they weren't showing much interest in baby we decided we'd let them have free roam again which was fine, until fluffy cat has taken an interest and last week went in the moses basket with baby twice! He also will just walk all over us, i know its to get love and attention but when I'm on the bed feeding baby or snuggling he'll try and walk all over us both!
They also fight like absoloute lunatics, screaming and chasing each other around the house at a million miles an hour and at that point it doesn't matter who or what is in their path is will be ran over and likely with claws!
They also scratch EVERYTHING!! They have scratch posts, mats, etc, and they use them (infrequently tbf), but every single piece of furniture we own is getting ruined and yesterday I caught fluffy trying to scratch baby's brand new chair so that'll be the next thing ruined!
Black cat also likes to jump up and several times has nearly jumped on baby when he's on bed or changing table.
Black cat is also obsessed with baby's things like he will sit in his cot or basinette or car seat, it's as if he thinks he'll get the same attention as baby if he's In his things too.
Fluffy cat is obsessed with baby's toy so they'll end up all chewed and slobbery and he loves dapping his dummy on the floor and playing chase with it!
Even worse is the toilet situation. Due to fluffys health issues I mentioned before (and long hair) he often gets clinkers, or even doesn't finish using the litter tray completely before he comes out meaning every day we find multiple nuggets around the house!

I also feel like I'm shouting at them sooo often, I really don't want my son growing up around that kind of stressful, negative and angry household (from my own experience!)

In the evening and at night they just want attention and love from me but parenting a 3 month old I just feel like my cup is empty and I have nothing left to give by that point!

I have spoken to husband about what we should do and he just says he loves them so much and thinks a pet is for life (which I 100% agree with) but he also is at his wits end and knows it can't carry on. He just says he never wanted them in the first place (to which I tell him he clearly didn't make clear at the time or I'd never have got them, and really isn't helpful atm!)

I know things will get easier as baby gets older but I don't see that most of these issues will get better, or that I can put up with it much longer. I also don't want to look back on my sons early years as miserable because of them. I have tried recently to put in a real effort getting on with them to fall back in love with them but I just couldn't and think I might just resent them now. I guess my priorities have just completely changed now. I absolutely love my son so so much, he is my world and his health, wellbeing and happiness is 100% my priority, in fact nothing else at all really matters. And as much as I'd miss my boys my main reasons at the moment for keeping them are that I'd like my son to grow up with animals, so he learns to love animals, and its also supposed to be good for allergies and immunity, and my own guilt, when actually atm I feel like they'd have a better home elsewhere anyway. Also I don't know anyone that coul have them for us, even temporarily sadly

Again, I'm already beating myself up for this soo much and know I'm a terrible person so really could do with not having that affirmed atm but any advice and support would be great please, thanks all :(

You are not an awful person but you do need to rehome your cats. They are unhappy and stressed out. You can get another pet when your DC is (much) older.

We got our DCat as the family had a toddler and he stressed the cat out so very much. She's been as happy as a camper since she has our undivided attention!

Not a terrible person at all, I can completely relate!

I’d had my cat since I was 17 (now almost 35!) and loved her to bits but she was so difficult as she got older, not an affectionate cat, loud, messy and started to miss her litter tray or worse randomly poo in the house! We managed to get my in laws to take her when I was heavily pregnant and there she’s stayed, so it’s nice cos we know where she is and can visit but don’t have the stress and mess.

I was losing my rag with her too and hated it, as it wasn’t her fault and she didn’t understand! It was the best for all of us that she was gone before baby, DD is 4 months now and I cannot imagine dealing with cat litter etc on top of everything else!

See if a family member can take them? Or have a look at cats protection too, alternative could they adapt to being outside more? Good luck!

Put bolts on the doors.

Get a robot vacuum cleaner and/or vacuum more frequently.

Let the cats outside or create a catio for them.

Trim the fluffy one’s undercarriage.

Don’t shut the cats in one room.

Both my DC grew up with cats. The cats have been a constant source of companionship and comfort to them.

Your cats are behaving like they are because they need access to GO OUT during the day. It is a myth that cats are happy inside the house all the time. It is completely unnatural for a cat to be indoors for the whole of its life (and unkind too).

You have had cats without bothering to find out about their needs. Kittens are cute and cuddly, aren't they? But they are living creatures that have certain needs. Now they're a nuisance to you, you want to get rid of them. Cat shelters are having to turn away cats. Some in their care are being euthanised because there is no room. Please allow your cats to go out (but not stay out all day), and invest in a decent vacuum cleaner

I had several cats for over 40 years, and every one of them was allowed out during the day (always in at night, for their own safety).

Look, you sound like someone demonising the cats to justify getting rid. Cats shed hair and scratch things. My carpets are destroyed (also have two cats), as are the chairs. Your baby won't care if he has cat hair on him/in his mouth or if his chair is scratched. The eye hair was probably a one-off (and also won't cause any lasting damage). The opening doors issue is easily resolved by getting a few bolts or hook and eye catches.

Cats are drawn to the places where the baby sleeps for exactly the same reasons as the baby is - they are designed to be warm, safe and snuggly. It's not personal and it's not attention-seeking, your cat just thinks it looks like a great cat bed. Just keep turfing him off the Moses basket/pram etc.

Toilet issues - what's your living situation and why can't the cats go outside? If they really really can't, then ask your groomer to shave around the fluffy cat's bum.

Hoovering - lower your standards. Honestly. This is the best piece of parenting advice I can give you.

I genuinely think no one will adopt two indoor cats, one of whom has a number of health issues and toileting problems, so I think you owe it to the cats to give it another try. Your baby is tiny and you're still in that period where everything looks like a threat, but in no time the baby will be the bigger one chasing after the cats.

My cats are happy to be indoors 😊

Mamato29192 I expect they haven't been given the choice.

Before anyone else says their cats are happy being indoors 24/7 -
Would YOU like to be confined to the house every minute of every day, not able to feel fresh air or grass under your feet? Subjected to the noise of tv, baby crying, cooking smells, and everything else, all day?

I agree with this, and I say that as someone who got an indoor cat due to the busy location of my home. It was a mistake, and I feel horrible to have made such a selfish decision. Cats are animals, and they deserve to be able to roam and exercise their instincts.

I agree that cats should be allowed to go outside too. No one would get a dog with the expectation that it should live entirely indoors, not even a Chihuahua. Cats need exercise and fresh air.

Maybe they need a new home where they are appreciated and loved. No need to justify it with all of the reasons in your massive post OP, just admit that since you had a child you don't want cats anymore.

So often pets are given up because 'baby comes along'. Having worked so much in animal rescues, I have nothing nice to say about people that give up their pets for this reason.

Poor cats.

Let them out. Yes there's more risk of them being run over but I pretty much guarantee your problems will disappear. They sound extremely bored. Personally I think it's cruel to keep cats indoors.

I have an indoor cat (ragdoll) unless there is a breeding reason/contract to why they can't go out (no common sense) then I would let them out.

I dont agree with getting rid off pets, if mine decided to go turbo, I would take my chances letting him out then getting rid because shelters are packed and cats are stuck there for a long time.

Why not shave your cats bum? Mines long haired and gets his bum shaved to drop poo issues and change your latches

They have no issues about it. They are happy kitties. And hated being outside.

Let the cats outside and use baby gates to keep them downstairs.

I do not agree with keeping cats in, it causes stress for the owners and the cats.

Also I'd say give it more time, your baby is still young and you're understandably overwhelmed. It will start to feel a bit easier as your baby gets bigger.

We've suffered no stress

This

It sounds to me like the cats have noticed the change in dynamics in the house with less attention from you and your other half due to the baby you now have, and are being attention seeking.

I would rehome them as much for their sakes as yours, I don't think they should be rehomed together, it sounds like they need an owner each who is committed to giving them the attention they deserve. Good luck.

I have 2 very needy cats that I got from the local cat rescue!

Their human mum had a baby & just couldn't give them the love & attention they deserved so put them up for rehoming!

They were at the rescue for a week before they came to live with me & absolutely get the love & attention they deserve!

They spent 24 hours hiding in the tumble dryer but now have perfect little lives!

Do what's best for the cats

Hi, it sounds like you are very stressed out by it all - all the household is, including the kitties.
In most cases when there is a will - there is a way. I don’t want to be typing up an essay if the underlying reason for this thread is to get a blessing to rehome them, but if you truly want to make this work and have nobody with extensive knowledge in cats to talk it all through - feel free to private message me and I am happy to go through every point of your concern and offer suggestions. I am keen to help anyone looking to make it work with their cats.
Otherwise - wishing you all the best

Mamato29192 Well, aren't you lucky.................

This. I was surprised at the first two posts. All cats shed and jump on and scratch furniture. Everyone knows they’re little arseholes. Don’t make a list of cats being cats and then use it as justification for getting rid of them. If you do get rid of the cats because they’re now inconvenient op, please don’t ever get another animal as they clearly can’t rely on you

Cats should have access to the outside. Also you are making excuses because your focus has now changed. I really hate the way people drop their pets as soon as they become a slight inconvenience or don't fit in with their lifestyle anymore. I have raised 3 children whilst having a cat, it just takes a bit more effort. Before having kids I also inherited a cat from neighbours who did exactly the same thing of dropping their cat as soon as a baby came along. The only thing I would say is maybe the cats would be better off with a true cat lover who is a responsible owner. If you can find someone like that then great, but please don't dump them in a shelter.

Let the cats outside. That list of reasons sounds like excuses. You made a commitment when you homed the cats and it reads like you’re making excuses now that your baby has arrived.

Plenty of us manage not to give up on our pets when children come along.

I detest these posts that start with please no hate or shame and then go on to give a billion reasons as to why the previously beloved cat has to go because a new baby has appeared.
My house is stuffed full with abandoned cats. Rescues are screaming out for help because they are overrun due to people abandoning their animals. Animals are being pts daily because the rescues simply can’t cope.
Have you tried the simple things like changing door handles?, rotating toys, providing a catio ( I’m not going to get into the cats must get out argument- mine are confined to my garden via catio, are v happy with that and infact some of them literally refuse to go out because they don’t want too), playing with the cats, providing more litter trays in various shapes/sizes…
I could say more but I honestly won’t bother… it makes me so cross…

Your cats sound stressed. I had two dogs and four cats when my first was born. Try letting your cats out. Shave the fluffy one around it's bum. Most rescues won't even take in adult cats these days as they are full and struggling financially.